Oh well.

Guess it's time to cut my losses.

SatSun.

Saturday, had SAT classes bright and early. Got there at exactly 8:59. Pro. LOL. Time went by pretty quickly. Mostly learned about essay writing. Wasn't as bad as i thought. Mom picked me up at 1 and we went to eat. Went to Milbrae after to the cellphone place. Stayed there for a long time because my mom talks too much. LOL. Guess I'm getting an iPhone 4s instead of an iphone 4. LOL thanks, i guess. It didn't really matter to me. But my phone is gonna be coming in like a week to a month. -__- Oh well.

Sunday. Went to Stonestown first to buy me and my mom a journal to write in. I got to the SAT place at 1 when class started at 2. Managed my time poorly. LOL. Decided to walk around by myself after complaining to my mom about it. Bought Arizona and just walked around for half an hour. Class was okay. English is pretty easy to me so nothing too surprising. Just need to learn vocab. I'm screwed for the math though. ._.

Got home at 7. Regretted wearing a dress. Coldcoldcold at night. Headache + tired.
Pretty productive weekend.

I want to sleep now.

These two babies are the highlight of my day.

Why am i so lazy and uninspired?

I don't know what it is.

But people with disabilities make my heart hurt so much. Blind, deaf, handicap, mentally ill, whatever. I cry for them.

Maybe I'm too soft-hearted.

November, please come soon.

I need a fresh start. Everything is in a weird way falling apart and coming together at the same time and I've been as lost as ever.

I'm extremely impatient.

And when i get excited about something, i want to do it right away. I'm so bad with waiting.

Your lips look so lonely.

Would they like to meet mine?

I just feel so alone lately.

Bad day turned good.

Today felt like it was going to be a horrible day. Didn't want to go to school or OoS because my lips were so swollen and ugly today. Major confidence drainer. Didn't even wear my contacts and iced my lip the whole morning. Spanish, meh. Walker, meh. Lunch, played football with Jasmine's coffee cookies. Devine, meh. LOL.

Afterschool, Edgar texted me asking what time class was. Went with Jasmine, Kelly, and Jonathan to Kelly's casa to get a basketball. Man, i'm so out of shape. Played a little catch with the football with Jasmine. Finally left. Kelly was trying to get rid of us. LOL. Embarrassed by us. Went to the gas station to fill it up. They went to play and i had to go. Went home, ate a little food. My mom brought me to Optometrist.

Edgar texted me and told me to meet him in front of OoS cause he didn't wanna walk in alone. Class was mucho fun with him. Our sub was a dancer so he taught us a little bodily movement thing. Awk cause the first thing we did was spell out our name with our body. LOL. Break, went to talk to Rafa, Amy, and Alfie with Edgar. Went back to class and did this dance thingy. Funny. Me, Genesis, and Edgar ran away after class cause we didn't wanna put the tables back. "Mexicans, run!" I'm Jexican. LOL. Walked him to BART and left. Mom picked me up and went home.

My C+ raised to a B in APBio and i am mucho happy because of that. Ugh, can't screw up tomorrow's R&P quiz though. I'm not remembering the words. WENfwergvm. Fuck my life. I need to sleep now too. Kbye.

I love my mommy cause she takes care of me.(:

Hi, i want to go shopping again.

Too bad i'm broke. &have no time to.

I really really really wish that $200 would magically appear in my wallet.

Needa catch some zzzz's.

Tired the whole day. Almost fell asleep in multiple classes.

APBio, presentation.
Spanish, sub.
English, presentation. Met the author of 'Packing for Mars'. Kinda interested in reading that now. The author was funny. So graphic about taking a shit in space. LOL.
Lunch was lunch. Don't remember much.
4th, continued watching movie.
5th, nothing as usual.
6th, notes &classwork.

Theatre, didn't participate at all today. Way too tired. Break, followed a cat around and sang its theme song. "Bitches luuuhv me cus I'm a cat." LOL. Self eval. Wrote about trolls the rest of the day.

Now I'm trying to finish some homework and sleeeeeep.

Bye guise.

Picture to make up for my crappy post?

Retail therapy!(:

Woke up at around 9 or 10 on sleeping on my bed the wrong way. Oh right. Fell asleep watching Futurama. Got up at 11 and got my sister up 30 minutes later. Got dressed and left. LOL busses really hate us today. Felt kinda insecure cause yeah. ._. Eventually got there and went to Sephora. I saw the prettiest pink nail polish, but there weren't any left. ): I think it's called Seeing Pink Elephants. I've been wanting to get a pink nail polish toooo. Painted my nails with it and painted my sister's nails.

Stayed in Sephora for such a long time till my mom came. LOL. Finally left and went to Hot Topic. Wanted to get the Hipster panties, the hello kitty throw, and the Hello Kitty footie pajamas. Oh, and the hello kitty lanyard. :D Decided to come back later if i had money left cause i really just wanted clothes. DeMasque, got boots and a cute blazer. Wet Seal, nada. Went to another store for a scarf. (: Warm and cozy. So ready for the winter time.(: Got some Italian food for lunch. Mm. American Eagle, omg. I wanted the journal thing so badly but decided to come back if i had money left. Shopped more. Then remembered what i needed to buy from Sephora and got moisturizer. Then i used up all my money. ): Still want the stuff from Hot Topic and the cute journal from A&E. Must come back with more money!

Today was fun though. Doesn't feel like a Sunday, feels like a Saturday. I'm broke and satisfied.(:

Alcatraaaaaz~

My face is better today. LOL.

Woke up early and had to go to SATprep to take the test. Erm, so many grammatical mistakes and slow writing today. ._. Dude, towards the end of it, i had to take a shit so badly. LOL TMI? Mom picked me up after and bought me sushi. Drove me to Embarcadero. She couldn't find the pier so she made me get out and find it myself. Are you fucking kidding me? then she found it and told me to walk back to her car so she can drive me. WOW fuck you. Saw Genesis. Then Juan. Then Jessica and Stacy came so we went in the shop to look at overpriced food. Vitamin water and regular water= $5 +tax. Seriously? LOL. Then William came, then Freddy with his wife and daughter. Awhh. (:

Got on the ship, had a slight headache and was annoyed. It was soooooooooooooo windy. Stop being so enthusiastic. I'm trying to chill. LOL. Wished i was ____, would've been fun. But then Genesis said that i'd be tripping and being scared as fuck. True. Walked up the hill. Complaining cause we're out of shape. Got there and it was scary. Like wtf. The chick looked possessed &the actors were laying down on the floor in a chain. WAT. Grabbed on to Genesis &William the whole time. Creepy shit doe.

Basically, the actors didn't even have dialogue, it was all about the body and the movements they made. Related to class a lot. When they started singing, omg. It was really beautiful. I didn't expect it to be that good. My favorite part of the night was the fire show. Tooooo beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed it.. The bitched more about it being cold. Starved. Went inside and sat to chill. Then Stacy would come and ruin the moment. We tryna chill, breh. -__- Group picture, then went back on the boat. Talked about the performance with Freddy. Overall, i liked the experience of going to Alcatraz and the fire show was breathtaking. And i liked the way the actors communicated with us only using their bodies and no dialogue. But i've seen better performances.

Got a ride from Jessica's mom. Got off at Mission &Geneva w/Genesis. She walked up and i waited for the 14. Saw My. Got home and ate. I'm tired and about to knock out soon. &No SATprep tomorrow! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY. I'm happy.

I feel bad for being so mean to you when you're so nice to me. .__.

I had fun today. Sweet dreams, world.

My face is itching and burning &I'm breaking out with small bumps everywhere.

Ohnoo. -___- Mom says i need to poop more. LOL.

Night guys.

Fiesta fiesta, si!

So tired in the morning. ): Bio, pretty fun with Chemistry stuff. Ahaha. Spanish, me and Carmen were singing 'Friday' by Rebecca Black in Spanish. Well..i was mostly. I was translating it and she was laughing. LOL. Siete en la manaña, me levant. Necesito comer cereal. Voy a autobus. Yo miro mi amigos~. Fiesta fiesta si! Fiesta fiesta si! Divertido, divertido, divertido, divertido. LMFAO. I'm too cool for words. Homeroom, caught up on last Friday's do now. Annotated Ceremony because I'm cool and a kiss up. Lunch, omg. Played basketball and baseball with Jamsine and Edel. Funniest shit ever. We're so creative. :D So fun because Edel kept trying to hit Jasmine's nuts. On accident though. Ahahaha.

Lee, watched Fallen Angels. Learned about camera angles. I see what he means. Really pretty shots. Walker, did nothing for the first half of period then took some notes. I can't even learn like that cause it's basically paragraphs, not notes. If i wanted to read paragraphs, i'd read the book. ._. Afterschool, walked with Jasmine, Kelly, Stanley and them. Tried to kick Stanley's thigh cause he said it hurt. I am the biggest bully ever. (:

I'm tired so goodnight!

Like we used to.

Will she love you like i loved you?
Will she tell you every day?
Will she make you feel invincible with every word she'll say?

Much love to the homosexual homies.

It gets better; promise.

Hi. I got my permit. (:

yayayayayay.

Theatre made me think.

So tired today because i had trouble falling asleep last night. :/ Surprised that i survived the day. So tired and sleepy.): And bored too! I think I'm going to sign up and join Ms.Dave's honor class thing. Basically, it's the same class with more work and a harder grading rubric thing. Something tells me that i'm going to regret this. ._.

Theatre was so so so good. First thing he did was make us talk about ourselves nonstop. We couldn't stop to think or anything. Just talk. Don't think. That was one lesson i learned today. I also learned that the best way to act is to not act. Acting makes it look fake. And when it's fake, it's boring. We also learned to focus and to listen. Most times, we only care about ourselves. Actors are extremely egotistic- which i find to be so true. We are. You can't be an actor if you have low self-esteem as you get rejected a billion times. Did a focusing game with a tongue twister. Break. Addicting chips. LOL.

Class, did some improv scenes and learned about status. In a drama, people are constantly taking back status and power. In comedies, they are constantly giving up their status. Oh. Hardest scene i've done in my life. "If you have an emotion reaction to this, show it. If not, then don't fake it." Don't think. Don't act. &People in life are always fighting for status and power. Makes so much sense.

Show in Alcatraz on Saturday. FML. Have first day of SAT prep. Man, too many things to do, too little time. :/ Need to take my permit test at DMV soon too. ._. Too much on my plate right now. And it's only increasing. K, gonna try to study for my APBio midterm now. Bye.

When dork meets caffeine..

This is how you know something's wrong.

Junk food, chocolate, ice-cream, stupid girly magazines, and a pathetic attempt to do something with my life. In this case, organize it.

De Young!(:

Fieldtrip today. Yayay.

First period, practiced free responses whole day. Kinda glad we had first period. Can't afford to miss a day. FML, midterms next week. Field trip! Took the 43 there. Bought Arizona at the corner store. Needed to pee SOOOO badly when we got to the museum. Ran into the bathroom when i put my shit down and took a fat piss. LOL. I'm attractive.. Walked around w/Mimi the whole time. Me gusta the abstract art. :D

Nah, i like the nude ones the best. (: There was one with all gay people. ME GUSTA! Got kinda lost? Explored more and talked. Art museum. What else is there to do? Afterwards, walked to Irving to get Japanese food. Went to Kiki's. (: Teriyaki Udon &coke. YUM. Filled us up. Then we spent hella time in the thrift store next door. Dude, it's so cool. It has such cute things that other places don't have. And they have the CUTEST vintage looking journals and knee high socks. I found lace leggings i kinda liked and Mimi found cute knee-high socks. But she didn't like the toe socks part. WHAT. Cutest part though. :/ Definitely will be back with more money next time!

Took the 43 with Mimi being high. Translating my words and being so thirsty and tired. WTH. LOL. Went to Walgreens to buy some hair ties. I got those cute little recycled pens too. :D Mimi bought some loofahs. LOLWUT. Then took the 14 home. Spent $20 today. :/ Hoping to spend more money tomorrow. :D





I just love these pens so much. LOL.

Everybody needs somebody sometimes.

So uh.

My boobs are really itchy today.

Kbye.

B in APBio.

Oh.

Was hoping for a 4.0 but whatever. A thought just crossed my mind about how lucky most hakgwais and mukdows would be to get my grades. LOL. It's only average for an Asian though. No racial.

I'm kinda proud of myself. Eh.

&I could sit here and count my flaws.

But what's the point of that?

I worry too much.

If this is a sickness, i've definitely got it.

Excelsior Festival.

Am I not adorable?!

Only thing i hate about this picture is that hurt guy is in it.

Indigenous people's day?

All i know is that i don't have school today. (: Slept around 12am and woke up around 11am. Got ready, ate a pork bun, went to Mimi's house. Hakgwais. Rain. Lovely. Mimi is a troll and a tease. And a exhibitionist. EL OH EL. Colored the stupid shit. Take a billion. Got it on take a billion and three. Mhm. Left around 2:30 cause mom picked me up. They kept buying their Asian shit. Bought some food thing. Went home. Too much homework. ._.

wow, are you seriously going to argue with me about this stupid shit? Gtfo.

Excelsior Festival!(:

Woke up around 9. Curled my hair & put on makeup because i wanted to be pretty. LUL fail.(: Left around 9:50. Got there at exactly 10:00. Boss. LOL. Sat around for a long time. Mimi came 30minutes later and we were still sitting around. Set shit up. Let's just say that i spend 95% of my day slacking off and chilling. Yawp. So it was cold and i wished it would get hot. Then later on in the day, it was hot and gave me a headache so i wished it would be cold. Then it was too cold. -__- But i wore Edgar's hoodie. (: He only came for Avalos. Mayuuuun, haven't seen him since July. Wooow. Same racist, perverted, annoying guy i know and love. (: I got a certificate from Fiona Ma thanking me for my volunteer service and leadership. D'aww.

Fortune telling with Jessica? I didn't do it at all. LOL. She says i'm gonna fail at life. Dude, she even told Avalos that he was gonna lose/fail. WHAT. The people on stage were singing my sister's favorite songs so i woke her up to tell her to come. LOL. Got some old fashioned coke at Walgreens. Realized i didn't have a cap remover thing. -_- Had to go to the Taco stand and they made fun of me. LOL. My puppy dog face always works. Justkidding. Went to look at animals with Edgar. "Hey look, dinner." Harhar. I missed being racist with him. Chilled with Nick. Yeah, then me and Edgar parted ways and i went home with my sister. The end. 7 easy hours. ;D

I didn't write my day in order. This is all scattered throughout my day^ because my thoughts are scattered.

You're beautiful. Every little piece, love.

Would you like me if i were pretty?

(:

Highlights of Friday +Saturday.

Friday.

• I think i did well on my Spanish test. That song is forever stuck in my head now. LOL.
• Did make up work. Raised my F to an A in 4 days. Haaaay~
• Singing/studying at lunch w/Jasmine. Yeah, i sing while i study. Deal with it. 
• Not just singing- singing in random genres with my notes as lyrics...yeah.
• I think i did a decent job on History test. 
• Panda Express w/Mimi, Leslie, and the Victors (look alike and original? LOL)
• Taking notes on how to pick up guys from Mimi.
• Eating overpriced, mediocre food. :D
• Stomach hurt after, just a bit. 
• Window shopped?
• Taking unoriginal pictures at the Apple Store.

Saturday.

• Waking up surprisingly well rested with 7 hours of sleep.
• Stayed up late catching up on Ceremony.
• Barted to Oakland.
• Didn't get lost!
• Coffee, tea, and donuts. Nice.
• Being idiots with Vannessa and breaking the rules. Phones, drinks, and food? We're baaad.
• Cute boys everywhere?
• Reviewed SAT essay stuff.
• Lorenzo came and he was high as fuck. LOL he would.
• Cute boys turned out to be assholes? LOLOL.
• More donuts and tea at break time! 
• Still coffee sober.
• Pizza and coke for lunch. Felt like a party. Only thing missing was the music and the dancing. Hehe.
• Talked to Kenneth, Sabrina, and 
• Math portion (maybe this wasn't a highlight)
• Barted back with Vannessa. Talking shit? ROFL.
• Edgar says he's going to visit me tomorrow. PLEASE DO! It'll make my week.(:

Saturday was good, then bad, then good, then bad again. LOL. 

Stop being so hard on yourself, Jessica.

My mom thinks i have depression.

Oh.

dvbcoevbe.

I cry because nothing is ever enough. I cry because i know my mom thinks everyone else is smarter than me. I cry because i have to waste my mom's money for SATprep classes because i'm stupid. I cry because I'm selfish. I cry because I'm torn. I cry because I'm stressed. I cry because I am sleep-deprived. I cry because i don't want to have friends, but i cry because i'm alone. I cry for all the things i regret. I cry because i can't go back in the past. I cry because i can barely remember my childhood. I cry because my family struggles. I cry because i can't help.

I cry for myself.
I cry for my family.
I cry for the world.

But most of all, I cry because I'm not a kid anymore. I cry because I'm not that smiling little girl with a bowl cut who would love taking pictures because she didn't know what 'ugly' was. I cry because she was so innocent. I cry because she didn't know life would be this hard. I cry because she never even thought about the future. I cry because i miss being care-free and innocent, with nothing to worry about. If i was hungry, my parents would feed me. If i were sad, playing with a toy would erase it all. I didn't have to worry about my looks, my clothes, my hair, my weight, my body, nothing. The little things would be enough for me. What happened to that girl?

I smile because I'm alive?

Too many Rebecca Black references in this one.

I love how short Wednesdays are. But then again, it's kind of a normal day for me because i help out Coro right after school until i have to leave for Theatre. So same shit.

School was normal. Firedrill this morning though, and i was gonna be late too. Stood &talked with Kelly. First, freewrite on Latin America and finished up presentations. Ohh, i'm so screwed for the test on Friday. -_- I have a D- in this class. El oh el. Fuck me. 5th, dooooood that TA needs to stop acting like she's the teacher. Annoying. GTFO. She's like another Paul from Houston's class last year. ._. No one can tame the demons. And stop trying to give us a seizure by turning the lights on and off. We're gonna sue your ass if we do get one. Lunch, hung out with Jasmine and Kelly. Kelly helped us with math in Joseph's. Devine's bullshitted the chart so she would stamp, then seriously filled it out. LOL. Wow. No one brought their book, including me, and she knew so she gave us paper copies. LOL yay.

Afterschool, went to Coro to help set up. I'm in charge of taking pictures. They did their group agreements, got their Coro binder, did their life maps, and stuff like that. Jesus and Jasmine M, and Alison did all the work. I'm just an extra set of hands there to help out. Yaknow, clean up, set up, look around to see how people are doing, passing things out. Stuff like that. Alison says i'm helpful but idk. Had to leave at 3:30. Awk. On my way to OoS, i called the lady from Devry back about SAT prep. Yep, that's what my Saturday's gonna consist of. Fun fun fun fun. &Sunday's gonna consist of the Excelsior Festival. Lookin' forward to the weekend~. Ok, i'm done with the Rebecca Black references. I'm looking forward to no school on Monday though. :D

Theatre, did this concentration warm up game thing. Dude, every was laughing at me because i didn't know what countries and states were. DUDE. I know. I just... don't know the countries.. I was gonna say Arkansas but i remembered it was a state. ._. Fuuu. LOL. Clay. Made Genesis touch her boob and fell on the floor laughing. Oh god, i'm hilarious. More clay stuff. Break. Went back to the room with Freddy after getting some food. Shouted at people through the window to try to get them to look. No one looked. Or if they did, they didn't wave. ): Until people started coming back. After that, everyone kept looking. One guy even tripped because he was looking at me. EL OH EL. Played this game where two people act out a scene while another two go outside and only watch the scene, not listen. Then they come back and act it out as what they thought it was. Me and Genesis. Fun fun fun fun. (Guess i wasn't done) Pirates and math. LOL. Oh, and Freddy called me a loser and said i wasn't clever. Oh.. thanks for the support. )':

Oh, and my mama picked me up cause i said i didn't wanna wait for the bus. Spoileeeed. Hehe. And she also brought me out to buy me sushi and mochi. Omgah. I love my momma

Hehe. Bye. Shitload of homework tonight.

I like taking pictures in the morning. (:

Ohai.

Exhausting Monday.

Loong Monday. Always tired. All classes. Ugh. After school, had to go to Theatre. Lots of people came late. Meh. Feeling kind of out of it. Quiet today. And tired. Extremely tired. Tried to memorize my monologue quickly but got frustrated. I got it though. (: I suck. I hate it. Freddy thinks i'm a potty mouse and a dork. Oh. Hehe. He heard me say "I'm gonna fuck you in the fucking ass." LMAO oops. (; Theatre tips from him after class about enhancing your character and all that. "Ambiguity is your enemy." Funny cause we just learned the meaning of 'ambiguous" earlier that day in Dave's class. Haha. Meeting was boringggg. Didn't know what we were talking about half the time. Nick though, talking about cigarettes, margaritas, and sleepovers at Delores park. I just know that i have to do freaking fortune telling on Sunday. He was out of it too. xD

Stayed after the meeting cause Jessica's mom was giving me a ride to Mission. Left my umbrella in her car. -__- Must've fallen out of my bag or something. Got home safely. (that reminds me of pokemon. got away safely. LOL) Did APBio notes. Showered. Ate dinner around 10:30. Slept around 11:40 after doing math homework. Need to sleep earlier. ._.

Don't take life so seriously.

Weekends go by too quickly.

Saturday, my mommy took me and my sister to a car wash. Omg. So interesting and fun. LOL. Then we went to Walgreens to get our Clipper Cards filled then went to McDonalds for ice-cream! She was in a surprisingly good mood. LOL. Got allowance tooooo. (: Good day. Watched the best movie ever at 1am and stayed up till 3am crying over it. Hahah.

Sunday, chilling. Watching Hell's Kitchen because i love Gordon Ramsey.<3 And catching up on my homework.

• Lab notebook.
• APBio notes.
• Spanish Article.
• Spanish article worksheet.
• Spanish final essay.
• Pre-Cal
• Color drawings for CAST.

I hate having all classes on Mondays.

Best movie ever.

I Am Sam is the best movie i've ever seen in my life. I've seen this movie for the first time a couple years ago and loved it, but i watched it again last night and this movie was even more amazing than i remembered it to be. I love the influence The Beatles has on it, i love how believable the actors were and how they held my attention. Sean Penn did an amazing job as the role of a mentally retarded man with the mind capacity of a 7 year old. Extremely believable. Most of all, this movie made me cry 9 times, all on different occasions. This movie made me cry 9 times in 2 hours. But this movie also made me laugh on multiple different occasions too.

Simply brilliant. 9.5/10 stars just because i expected a little bit more from the ending.

I just had a cute idea.

I suddenly had inspiration to recreate some of my baby pictures. I think that would be adorably.

Let's see if i actually go through with this. I was thinking of taking the pictures with my really old polaroid. I have had it for like 10 years and i haven't used it in the past 5 or so years.