Grandpa.

It pains me to look at my grandpa. He just looks so old and weak and helpless. I know i don't talk to him, maybe not even once a day, but i still really feel bad for him. I remember this one time last year when i was hanging out with some friends afterschool and he called me saying he forgot to get his keys before he left the house so he was stuck outside. I said that i would go home and open the door for him, but i didn't. I left him waiting outside for an hour or two. Whenever i look back, i feel like such a horrible person. I feel like such a stupid brat who had her head too far up her ass to have any compassion for anyone. Really, i feel so horrible when i remember that. And you don't talk a lot, and when you do, it's often not anything relevant or telling us stories from your childhood for the millionth time. It seems like you don't even understand what we say a lot of the time. It stabs my heart when i see you, and i mean really see you. The hunched way you walk, the wrinkles on your face, your cane you rely on for walking. It's too much.

Occasionally, you get sent to the hospital and it's really scary because we never know when you're going to pass out. Or if you fall down, you can't get up. And that one time when you said you just wanted to die.. It's just scary, you know? I may seem like a selfish, ungrateful girl who is in her own little world. I know i eventually have to come out of my bubble and join the rest of the world. I can't hide in my room forever, and i will regret it when you.. pass away.. because i didn't come out sooner and actually be a part of this family. I don't know where I'm going with this.

So you will never know this, but for you, grandpa, i will try to be a better person.