It's battle amongst myself.

I guess I can say that this is the blog for today. Day 55?

Didn't sleep last night. Stayed up all night watching &reading Water For Elephants. I knocked out around 4:30. When i woke up, my reading light was on and I was still wearing my glasses. Haha. First thing i did was have coffee. On the bus, I felt like I was going crazy. I think I am. There were old ladies talking and this little kid who kept talking so loud and calling his mom. I killed him about ten times in my head in different ways in an hour. I had a headache and I felt like I was going to throw up. Felt like a lightweight hangover even though I didn't even drink last night.

Got more coffee at lunch. It helped a lot but I still felt like shit. I found out that Andrew was my sister's history teacher last year.. wut. WUT. I called her up and she said she thought he was soo cool. NO. BAD TERESA. LOL. Worked more. They want us to come in at fucking 6am on Friday. So bullshit. Really? -__- I don't even give a crap anymore. Didn't stay to watch the documentary shit cause they let us out at 6. I'm not down to go home at 8. Nope. Fuck my life. Coro makes me miserable.

Half of me wants to give up. The other half of me wouldn't dare. Battle between my heart and my head. My heart used to have passion that now got sucked dry and all that's left is nothing. I feel like i don't have anything to contribute to the group anyway. They would do perfectly fine without me. It would save me from lots of emotional distress, physical exhaustion, anxiety, and stress.

But my head stops me from giving up. I hate giving up. I have too much pride for that. Every time the thought crosses my mind and I've almost convinced myself that it's for the best, my head says "Don't you dare give up now.". There's only two more weeks left. Two more weeks and it'll all be over. Two more weeks and I survived. Perseverance is a good quality to have. UGH, i don't know. I guess it's bearable.

Jessica Ling isn't a quitter.