My life is brilliant. It's not all bad, i promise.

www.onlythehappythings.blogspot.com
Check it out. (:

Trippy dream.

Holy fucking shit at the dream I just had. So it started out in school and everything was normal. Then afterschool, me and Jasmine decide to do some homework at school- mainly Spanish homework. After studying and talking and stuff, we somehow got this blanket fthat was property of Lowell. LOL. After normal talking and working, we decided to go home. While walking out, we passed by the school dance and they were dancingto Friday, but the lyrics were changed. I had a bunch of shit in my hand-including the Lowell blanket and a big umbrella which didn't belong to me- and it was raining hard as hell outside. I was trying To put on my jacket but it somehow flew back in the school under Mr. Marshall's chair. He said I could never get it back because he saw a ghost with it or something. I left and Mimi was screaming something about getting it back for me. We started walking and there were a whole bunch of other people too. Suddenly, there was a big random circle of smoke in the sky.

Yeah, here's where the trippy part comes.

The ball of smoke grows bigger and closer like it's coming at us. So everyone starts panicking and covering themselves. The smoke comes closer, closer, then it suddenly takes a turn and immediately lights our football field on fire for a second or two, then golden sparkles start coming out and floating back into the sky. It was really pretty, but really scary at the same time. Haha. So we keep walking and suddenly all the buildings catch on fire and we have to walk past that. Then we saw shadows of these men on bulls or something in the sky like you would see Santa and his reindeer. Jasmine said the men were doing backflips on their bulls. So by this time, we get to the bus stop and everyone is scared for their lives. It seems like 2012 was coming early. Even drivers were running red lights and skipping stop signs and such. I crossed the street but no busses were coming. I crossed the street again cause Jasmine was taking the bus on that side but I decided to cross again and wait for a bus. ._. There was a guy behind a police car who still isn't drive by law. He was pushing the policecar forward. I was crossing the street, I heard a big explosion, and I jolted awake.

I was never more scared for my life.
My eyes hurt. Have a nice day, guys. (:

I'm a busy girl.):

I really only have 5 free days off in April. ._.

(:

I like talking to my cousin about universities, politics, and the future. It's so interesting to have a real conversation.

Me- "If i get into UCLA, i would die of happiness."

Her- "What's the point then?"

LMAO. That's exactly what my mom said too.(;

Her- "If i got into UCLA, i would be so happy, i would kill everyone around me."

ROFL.(:

Remember, our cousin D and B will always be more useless than us. Ahahaha.

Thanks, Edgar!

Cause UCLA is my future/dream school!

UCLA niggas!

Thanks so much, Edgar! <3

I dont know why I'm sad. I don't know why I'm crying. I honestly don't.
Nothing's wrong but it feels like everything's wrong. I guess I'm overwhelmed and it's about time I let it all out. I'm sick of carrying the world on my shoulders. I may seem like I can handle it but it starts to build up. I'm a little girl with so much pressure pushed onto her by everybody, what do you expect? I'm going to break down once in a while.

Nights like these are when I need my mommy. She would know exactly what to say to me. But that was back in middle school, I would never let her see me like this now because she thinks I'm a happy girl who can handle anything. I'm really not that girl, everyone. I'm weak and I'm unstable and I can't handle everything with a smile on my face. This is the side of me that no one ever sees.

Please just make my heart right.

Hangout day with my sister today. (:

Went to Safeway. LMAO, i am so embarrassing though. ._. Went to get mexican hot chocolate. Then found out Teresa never went to Bal Park before so i took her there. Got mud all over our shoes and tried but failed to clean it in the bathroom. LOL. Went to Quickly and ate curly fries. Yum. Thanks Teresa.(: Then went to Walgreens to buy gum and pencils. LOL. Then headed home.

These were taken a while back.

Everyone needs to just leave me alone for a few days. Or weeks.

Please take me away from here.

UCLA = my dream school.

Too bad I'm stupid.):

There are those rare moments that i doubt, question, and put down myself. You can't have that through-the-roof confidence all the time, you know?

Sitting here, under a warm blanket.

With my voice sounding borderline cute. Waiting for people to cook and deliver my food directly to me. Watching tv, going online, doing whatever i please.

Being sick isn't so bad.(:

My voice is so ugly.

You can either only hear some words of my sentence or my voice squeaks or something.

The only way I can sound 'normal' is if I make my voice real deep. But if I talk to people like that, I sound like a creepy pedo.):

I'm so pitiful when I'm sick.

Thanks for all the sympathy. And the food, cough drops, sad faces, "Feel better"'s and hugs are appreciated too.(:

LOL, this is what happens when i never got sick this year.(:

                                              Cause he's so perfect.

 And I'm just Jessica.

That's not going to change.

I don't like my straight hair.

I wish i had wavy hair. ._.

Rant.

Every fucking time i talk to you, we argue. Even if it's a 2 minute phone call, we can argue and it ends with hanging up on each other and bad feelings. You wonder why i hide in my room all day and not bother having conversation with you guys? Well, it's not fun arguing over stupid stuff that isn't set in stone. Mostly when we talk about the future, we argue. I'm so protective over my future because i don't know what the hell i want to do. And it makes it so much easier that you don't believe in me. It's either "Oh, you won't be able to do it." "They won't accept you." Why the fuck would i want to talk to someone who only tries to bring me down? I know you're trying to be realistic and everything but I'm a dreamer, you can't take that away from me. And I'm not blaming it on you, i yell too, but why can't we just see each other's point of view without attacking each other? We don't understand each other at all and frankly, i never feel support from you.

You say you support me all the time, but in reality, do you? Whenever i tell you something, you just bring me down and tell me I'm not good enough. Have you ever tried to even see things from my perspective? Have you ever come to one of my performances? Have you ever once told me i could do it? Think about it, have you? You'll find that 'no' is the answer to every single one of these. Face it, you have more faith in my sister than you do in me. You have some kind of idea that she's is perfect and amazing and i won't amount to anything.

If only i could tell you this.

Oh lovely.

For the first time this school year, I'm getting sick. Before, i would almost get sick but somehow stop myself. My throat hurts.

My sister got my whole family sick. Great.

Why am i so negative lately? ._.

There goes my hopes and dreams.

Just got home from work.

Liked my hair.

Screw my inability to say 'no' to people. It makes me go out and work on days like today at last minute notice. ._.

Today was so unproductive.

Skipping class to buy hot glue. Then attempting to skip more class but was forced to go back. Switched around random classes until i needed to go back. Sat around doing nothing. I don't like Thursdays.

.__.

It would make my life so much easier if you would stop being so damn perfect. Yeah, but you can't help it cause you don't even know what you're doing. And in all honestly, you're not doing anything and I'm stressing the fuck out! What the fuck? What happened to not cussing? I don't even know. LOL.

I hate wanting what i cant have. You want them, but only cause you can't have them and it makes you feel like you're not good enough. Ever.

DV?mndefvon;:EFVde.

Oh noes!

I'm getting bags. WHAT?! I don't get bags. WTF. -__-

I need sleep. Now.

If i only had the nerve

I'd put my feelings into words.

If i only had enough balls to say what i actually feel.

Comedy movies &baking.(:

So today, i was dead set on planning to sulk at home eating ice cream, watching The Notebook, and feel about my self. But Edgar and Mimi told me to kick it with them so i ate noodles and tied my bangs up cause they looked like shit then left. Went to Metreon and saw Johnatan and i texted Mimi and Edgar to ask about their whereabouts then we all met up. Edgar told us we had 3 options, watch a movie, explore his favorite place in SF, or watch movies and bake at his place. It was already pretty late and i just wanted a chill day so we all decided on going to his place. We decided to walk cause the buses were being stupid. We walked and talked about zombies, bombs, World War 2, Japan's tsunami, and history. If there's a tsunami here, let's go to Costco. LMAO.(: I like intellectual conversations. Went to Safeway to buy 'beer' and cake mix. Went to Petco and looked at the animals. Mainly the reptiles. The fucking crickets scared the shit out of me so i start flicking it and Edgar said i was mean. LOL.

Walked all the way to his house. There was this guy who asked for directions and Edgar just answered him kind of point blankly and kept walking without even looking at him. So Mireya and i turned around to smile at him and tell him more nicely. We found out later that he was like a pervert stalker who follows girls and he knew the directions cause that's where he lived. Wow, no wonder he was being hostile, i've never seen him be anything but sweet before so i found it strange. We got to his house and looked through his DVDs. We listened to music while baking. (: Funny stuff. I washed dishes after, i know, i never wash dishes. You are such a special boy. Popped in a movie, got hungry so we made fish. Yuuum.(: Stop refusing to let me wash dishes! Dang, it's the least i can do. ._. Watched the movie for a bit then we all had to bounce at 6. Tried some of the red velvet came. Yum. Delish.(: Then we left after having a debate about which way Mission was.xD Said bye to Edgar then Mimi, Jonatan, and I walked. Those two are so awkward, i believed them. Sigh, actors.. Ahahah.

Got to Mission, Mimi left. Talked to Jonatan about nipples and buff guys and sports. Lmao! Then his mom called him and told him to meet her at 20th street so i told him to go. Waited for 14. Stomach hurt. It wasn't hurting, it was like.. aching. I don't know, it felt like i was going to throw up. The bus was hecka crowded too. There was this one guy who smelled so bad. He smelled like piss and chowmein and smoke. I was trying not to gag and i was holding my breath. When the doors opened and he finally got off, i made sure to get a breath of fresh air. Oh god. I survived though. My stomach still aches a little when i get up. I don't know what's up.

:/

I was already having a crappy day and of course you would make it worse. Every word coming put of your mouth seems like bullshit. Remember, I'm not the naive girl you knew back then. I can live without you, but you can and do still hurt me. Fuckthis! Fuck everything. I need some fucking coffee or something. -__- Thanks for asking me if i was okay, Kevin. And thanks for caring, Dean.(: Afterschool, waited for Dean to go to his locker then went to Mama's Art Cafe with him and Mimi. I was deciding whether to get hot chocolate or coffee when the owner let us try Mexican Hot Chocolate. It was so yummy, we all got some. :D Went to work. Meeting. Blah. Got home. Today is like the worst day ever. I think i lost the pick Edgar gave me. WHUT?! EFNwed[ovndv.

I don't even know anymore. .__.

My feet hurt. &mini adventure?

Bio, I'm in a group of idiots. These people are such girls. Seriously, who is scared of worms? Also "How do you spell 'worm'? WTF, are you guys for real? Alg, no test today.(: Talked to Jasmine the whole period. Talked about guys and relationships and stuff. Found out we had the same problem. We both want what we can't have. And when we can have it, we don't want it. It's such a big problem. ._. I don't know how to fix it; it's something that I've grown up with. I really want something extremely badly, then when i finally get it, after a few days, i don't want it anymore at all. It's part of the reason i can't commit to anything. SIGH. How do we fix this?! D: It sucks so much cause when you like someone, it's only cause you can't have them and it feels like you're not good enough. But then when someone likes you, you feel as if they're not good enough. Gah! I feel like I'm gonna end up spending my life with someone who i don't love back because of my stupid 'i want what i can't have' personality. Thanks for the Pocky though!(: Afterschool, freaking rain. Good thing i left my umbrella at school from last week.(:

Went to OoS, told Alfie i wasn't gonna come to class. "Try not to miss me too much!" "You're not going to be there? Good, my boys can finally focus." WHUUUUUUUUUUUT?! LOLOOL. But I'm not a distraction..(: Hehehe. Talked to Beth a bit about the supervisor and we were on our way. Talked about Ryan and EAG on the way. We found the supervisor outside, smoking. LOL. Talked to him, it was alright. Went pretty well. He was a better 'listener' than the aid on Monday. I couldn't tell if he was faking it or actually listening. After that, freaking Mimi wanted to get some Starbucks and after that, we got lost. WTF. WEFNWfoefnwQ:OEF. We got freaking lost and walked in circles. I was in heels too. FML. LOL. Then we finally found the place and the doors wouldn't freaking open for me. It opened for Mimi and everyone else but not for me. And she would walk and it would open, and when she motioned for me to go, it would close. WTF! LOL. Stupid doors. ._. I finally got through and yeah. Took the J. Hot Chocolate is Mimi's drug.. ._. LOL.

"The first kiss stole the breath from our lips. Why did the last one tear us apart?"

Overworked and exhausted.

I'm even behind on my work now. Need to catch up on Othello. Need to catch up in History. Need to catch up in Spanish. Need to memorize monologues. Need to work on project. Need to meet with supervisors. YAB meetings too. Need to work work work. Too little time.

Filming day.

Today was alright. In Houston, "You look dead." Yeah. I'm overworked and exhausted. Happiness doesn't last for long when you have a shitload of things thrown at you with too little time to do them. It cuts into my sleep time which takes a toll on my energy. Thanks for the comida though.(: In hrm, Mr.Wong played with my guitar. :0 He asked me to bring it tomorrow to jam with him. LOL. In Alg, Gonzo asked me to do the same thing. Uh, no thanks, guys. LOL. Afterschool, fooled around while waiting for Diana. Then filmed. We filmed about half until Terence had to go to DragonBoat. Then me, Kelly, Kayla, and Diana went to Bal Park to film scenes without Terence and Jasmine. Saw Johnathan. LOL. So we have most our scenes down. More than half done on the first day! :D Then we realized it was time to go and we headed out. Went to Lick and Amy told me i would have to meet with the supervisor tomorrow.

Saw Edgar and walked to class with him. He said he was gonna teach me how to play guitar like a man. LOL(: Class, reviewed the scenes. Then performed then. Freddie made me sit with Elisha while he was doing his scene so he would have someone to be talking to. I was like "Why me?" D: "You're gonna be the most beautiful girl in the world and I'm gonna be proud walking around San Francisco with you on my arm." Even though it's part of the script, i can't help but smile. xD Ahaha. Break, went outside and ate. Back to classs. Helluh out of it. Did our scene. She kept forgetting the lines. It's okay. I used to blank out during the performances too. Then we got new monologues. It's suppose to be a poem but it's like a rap! I can't speak it without rapping it. LOL.

I was starting to think that it was pointless for me to bring my guitar because we didn't even play. But then me and Edgar played after class when we were waiting for our parents to pick us up. He taught me how to play something. Ahaha. Thankyou.(: Mk, i shall practice it. :D On another note, i hate it when people say "Play something." cause i never now what to play. Especially when good guitar players say this to me. It's like i have to impress them- and i can't. I'm a noob, okay? If i only never stopped playing guitar and kept going at it, i would be good. But no, i need to start all over again. ._.

I hate that i like guys that i can't have. Like, they're too good for me. And guys who like me, i feel like they're not good enough for me. What the hell is wrong with me? Stop liking guys you don't have a chance with, Jessica. Just stop.

Ghostnotes confuse me.

Mimi's stupidass got my hopes up afterschool. LOL. Get your facts straight, giirl.): OoS, played on the snare. Agh, ghosts notes, I hate you. .__. I freaking messed up so badly on 3/2. I would have to stop, then try to ind my way, then I would get lost again. Skidndlc. The other guy playing snare wasn't helping either. Amazing electric guitar player. Drummer; not so much. But I was like that too. I remember my first session. It felt like Alfie didn't explain stuff in so much detail and play it for us a lot so we could get it because me and Jesse were the only newbies. Now that half the class is new, he actually explains and teache instead of hoping we'll catch on. Meh. Break, ChristianR gave me a chicken nugget. (: Thanks!

Oh and he also made me practice and make sure I got the 3/2 rhythmn cause he knew I was messing up really badly. So we got on the snares and he showed me slowly how to do it and what made it easier. Yeah, it is easier to hit the ghost notes on the rim then actualy playing on the skin part. When I did it like that, I got it perfectly. It just confused me a bit when I'm playinG for real. Thanks so much for the help! I know I'd never ask for help even though I need it cause my pride won't let me. Got on the hip. I hate the hip! My arm was so tired. LOL. Got on the middle. Simple pattern. I don't know why I messed up so badly when Alfie was recording us then zooming in on us individually. I just messed up and got hella nervous. I turned to ChristianR and we laughed it off. Afterclass, talked to Amy. Then surfed the web with Jack. Mostly looking at his nerdy comic drawing things. Ahaha. Then got a ride home.

Dang, I already wrote the script for Cossick's thing. It feels like since we did a good job last time, everyone is expecting a lot out of us. Pj even said he was expecting a lot out of us this time. Well, I gotta do what I gotta do. Filming starts tomorrow.(:

I'm just way too young to be in love.

Meeting with supervisordude.

It's so freaking cold. WHFKRHhdhdiBEJLdjxnd. Nigga shit, lol.Nothing really interesting happened today except Ms.Cossick complimenting me on my acting. LOL. Afterschool, rushed to OoS and went over some shit with Beth. Then drove to City Hall and it is so pretty. I didn't know we could just go there randomly. David was too busy to meet with us so we met with his assistance instead. She was doing the thing where you look someone in the eye and occasionally nod at what they're saying. I do that too.. when i'm not listening. .__. Took the M back. So boring and stuff. It took us forever to decide what bus to take. LOL. Got back to Bal Park Station at like 5:10 so i didn't want to go to Oos. Went home instead. Yeah. The end.

Good day. :D

Today was pretty fun. I woke up late cause i turned off my alarm clock. Got to the dentist and yeah. Yay, i'm getting the mold for my retainers next week. :D Won't be long till i get these babies off!(: I got home and ate a little then met up with them downtown. I was at the wrong 'front'. -__- LOL. Well we met up and talked a little bit and Jack came. No one was dressed like a tourist because Edgar told them not to! D:

Walked around Westfield for a bit to wait for Quinn. The Jamba Juice there doesn't do the secret menus. .__. I wanted a penis shooter. Met up with Quinn then we went to the cable car place. The homophobic 'no sex' guy (as Grr Grr calls him) was there and Edgar and Jack started holding hands as well as Mireya and Sam. LOLOL. He was like "NO guy to guy. No girl with girl!" We thought it would be funny to piss him off even more by kissing in front of him. So we made Jack record and i stage kissed Mireya. He didn't see though!): Ahaha. Funny stuff though. Went to the cable car. The guy was chill. Walked around with Grr Grr and Jack, looked at the necklaces and bracelets. One of them was so cute!

Went to In and Out and ate. I just got fries cause i didn't really have an appetite. Then everyone started leaving until with was only me, Grr Grr, and EJack. We went to the arcade thing and messed around in there. Took pictures that took freaking 5 minutes to develop. Only Grr Grr showed up in the pictures. Me and Ejack got cut off! LOL. Watched 'porn'. Took like 'how hot are you' things. LMFAO Looked at ancient cool things. Grr Grr and Ejack played on some of the games. Rode on this mechanical horse cause Grr Grr forced me to. Ahahaha. It was pretty fun, not gonna lie. xD Did more random stuff then we decided we needed to head home.

Dude, the line for the cable cars were so long. We waited at least an hour. Cracked helluh 'that's what she said' jokes. (: We were all so tired. But it was still fun. Finally got on the cable car at like 6. Note: I was suppose to be home at 6. Rode and it was fun. Then the freaking Muslim guy started bitching at me cause when the cable car stopped, i put my foot down for half a second. Nigga shit, i'm not gonna die. I wasn't even trying to mess around. Goddamn. But yeah, finally got off and it started sprinkling. .__. Jack left and Edgar showed me which way Mission was and i took the 14. Took 50 minutes-ish. Got home and got bitched at. Still a good day though.(:

Me, Grr Grr, and Ejack.(:

Me and Mimi.(:

I look so happy. LOL. It was a bumpy ride. :D

Me and Grr Grr.(:

Paranoia is haunting me.

These girls need to get off my nuts.

Some of these guys need to get off my nuts too. Not interested, boys. ._.

Actually, you know what? All of you people get off my nuts and let me do my thing. Please and thank you.

Rant..thoughts..thing? I don't know.

I haven't gotten sick this year yet- this school year, mind you. Every time i almost get sick, i stop myself somehow. Now I'm just hoping it's not all catching up to me because it feels like I'm busier than ever. I hate when people put all the work on me- as if they aren't going to do anything and I have full responsibility. Uh, no. I'm probably the busiest out of all of you bithces. I don't have time for this. Anyway, end rant. Back to what i was saying. I seriously have no time. No time to eat dinner, no time to shower, no time for anything. So it goes into my sleep time. I get normal hours of sleep a night- 8. But i feel like that cancels out with all the shit i have to do. But i can't really complain about that because i choose to do those things and I don't want to be without them.

At least all of this is worth it. You guys make it worth it.