French fries and icecream helps depression.

I woke up to a dream of me burning in a burning house. I was on fire, yet i did nothing to get out of it. When i think about it, its exactly like the situation I'm in. I'm burning, our relationship is burning up to ashes. And yet, I'm doing nothing about it.

So i wake up and get into the shower and thought about things. I got out, rushed to do all my shit, ate, and left. I called Mimi when i was at her stop cause i was a bit late today and i wondered if she was still on the bus. She said yes so i waited about 1 or 2 minutes and we walked to school together. We walked past Bob's car and Mimi told me that was Bob and Auxi. I said no it wasn't and kept walking. She was all like "Wanna bet?Let's walk backwards." That hoe is crazy. So she gets Auxi's books out and walks to the car and gives the books back to her. I couldn't even look at her so i just stared at the floor. Bob said hi to us so i said hi back then we walked away. We hesitated at the entrance of school then went in. We stood there awkwardly and finally the bell rang.

We go to Mimi's locker then my locker, i think. Then we went to class.

English is always the same. Nothing special happened. Did poem analysis thing. I read a few lines of her blog and i cried. Luckily, no one suspected anything. No one knew. So after class, i darted outta there and went to Ellets.

We did Trigonometry and stuff. I swear, that's so confusing. Jason kept asking me for paper even though he had a notebook full of paper right in front of him. I told him to STFU and use his own paper. He kept complaining that it was too small or the lines were too big or someshit. Stupid hoe.xD He even made Mr.Ellet move me to the front where Mimi sits.): Stupid Jason.

Spanish, we got out tests back and i got like 94% more or less. Fail.. Cause Kelly got 100% LOL. After that, we walked to the auditorium while talking about how Uju was taking pictures of girl changing in the girls locker room. That's messed up. I'm so glad I'm not in that period. And Mimi told me she was in yearbook so she might post those pictures. That's hella messed up dudee.

So we went into the auditorium and i looked for Mimi.She saved a seat for me so i hopped in.xD Then when the lights dimmed, Mr.Davis (or something) was looking through the class. He looked right at me for a long time. He point at me and was like "You. Get to class!" or something. I swear, he's scary as hell. The way his eyes are like so big and everything.:0 Mimi told him that there was no more space in my homeroom and it was just right there.

The assembly was pretty weird and annoying. I couldn't understand shit cause I'm a fail Asian.xD The one that was SO cute was the one where the boys were giving the rose to the girls. That was so adorable. I wanted to like take them all home with me. NOT in a sexual way.:/ But it was so cute. Yea and...yea..

Lunch was normal. Me and Mimi decided if we should go back to 'the group' but we decided against it in the end. We really wanted to but we really didn't at the same time. Never did it look so unwelcoming.

In health, we learned about stress and what it does to people. Fuck stress.

Physics, i kept messing with Wilson. Trying to get him to say "OH my.." But he refused. And now I keep saying it.D: Then i suddenly noticed that today was the 11th. Huh. Its been two months and three days and i almost forgotten.

Me and Auxi made eye contact like once but i had to look away. I hate this. I miss her so much. I'd give anything just to have our friendship back. And i don't think its healthy to cry this much. Or to miss someone this much.

The next time someone asks me "Whats wrong?". I'm going to respond "Well i lost my bestfriend and I'm completely shattered. But other than that, life is amazing.-__-"

Seriously and what pisses me off the most is how Jason thinks his stupid 'fight' with this girl he likes is worse than my problems. So he rants and asks for help. He tells me he hates life while I'm here crying my eyes out. Uh huh. Okay. Sure having a stupid fight with some girl you like is worse than me losing my best friend.She was the closest anyone has ever gotten. And i never loved anyone like i loved her. Not to be a bitch, but i don't CARE about your problems right now. My heart is too torn up, i don't have the heart to 'care'. I.DON'T.CARE. Get the fuck over it.-__-

And am i really hiding it that badly that people NOTICE. They ask me whats wrong like they care or would ever understand. Even if i told them, they won't understand. I lost my bestfriend. So what? They don't know how i feel. They don't. They never will. I wish this was just a nightmare. I wish i could just wake up and run into her arms. I would never let go. Never.

So many things remind me of you. Just going to Safeway and seeing that cakemix thing you bought. We made the cake together for your birthday... And crossing the street to Balboa, remember? The one you would always drag us across and we would always rant about how we almost died. Even eating ramen, i remember all the times at your house. Hah, everything reminds me of you. And i can't even look you in the eye.. I fear that i will just fall to my knees and cry my heart out.

So now, I'm eating french fries and icecream. Hoping that it can fill the hole in my heart. But nope. Its not helping. Nothing works.:/ That place for made for you. You and only you can make me whole again. And there hasn't been a day since you left that i haven't cried. I cry everyday. Multiple times a day. Anything small can trigger the tears. I think I'm going crazy.

Now, I'll do my essay so i can sleep and get this day over with. I've been sleeping earlier. Cause i cant bear to stay up and hour or two later just to cry...

Song lyric of the day:
"Damn girl. Dry your eyes. You stole my heart then you kicked it aside. No girl. You can't see. When hes inside, you know theres no room for me."