I wish you knew how much i hated you.

But i know i don't.. cause i can't.

I've almost fully given up on you us. I knew you we were too good to be true.

Retail Therapy.

Went shopping with mom, grandma, and sister today. Saw KevinF. Stalker. Went into Spencers cause i realized that i haven't been in there for a long time. The first and last time i went in there, i found out what a dildo was. And that happened, what, 2-3 years ago. LOL. Yeah, that's it.

Don't ask me stupid questions when i have a headache. You will get bitched at. Sigh, losing my voice.

 Yeah, i do not feel good, as you can see. .__.

Worst dream ever.

I just woke up from the worst dream ever. It was one of those dreams where you wake up crying and it takes you a while to notice it was all a dream and everythings okay. In my dream, my mom died. Christian was the one to give me the news while I was going to OoS. First thing I did was run. I fake cried and ran. I didn't even believe him. After a while, I realized that not even he would joke about this kind of thing. Plus, he was running after me to make sure I got home safely. I just flopped in the bed and cried. After more events happening and a heartless birch calling me, eventually, I woke up.

I need to appreciate my mom more while I can. And I need to create more memories with her. While she's still here.

No feelings involved.

At this stage in my life, i just want to have fun. I want to be reckless and irresponsible. I feel like I'm growing up too fast and i hate it.

I want to get into pointless relationships. I want to be held and feel that artificial love. I want to lead guys on and I want to hurt them. I want to kiss you one day, then totally ignore you the next. I want to hold your hand and feel absolutely nothing at all. I want to just have fun. No strings attached. No feelings involved.

My whole perspective on relationships and love changed all because of one guy. I got hurt badly one time, but I'm not going to let it happen again.

People. Change. I learned that the hard way.

Scary movies.

I really can't watch scary movies. I'm too much of a wimp.

Where are my big strong men to protect me when i need it?

I'm so scared, i will honestly by whining the whole time, having my eyes closed the whole time, or just against you shaking the whole time. I can't watch scary movies. .__.

To brighten my mood..

So while i was trying to get my mind off of him, i thought about something else. And that boy was floating around in my mind until he got connected to Out of Site, obviously, cause he has class with me. Then it reminded me of my Drumming class. Which reminded me of the time i was sitting next to ChristianR and he was peeling off this sticker off of his binder which had the previous owner's name on it which was Domonique. She got kicked outta OoS cause she was trying to steal someone's ipod. LOL. So anyway, on the bottom of that, she wrote "Nique Nique so (something that starts with a SH and rhymes with Nique.)" LMFAOO.

And Christian was laughing, going like "I am not Nique Nique so (enter word here)" I started laughing to myself. Ah, it's one of those 'You had to be there' moments. Hilarious. Thanks for taking my mind off bad things. Ahaha.(:

And while we're flashbacking on OoS, let's do another. On the same day, after we were done doing activities outside, i yelled "Surprise trust fall!" and fell against Jesse. I don't remember if he let me fall to the floor or not. Ahaha. Then he was like "You're going to hurt yourself, Jessica! You just fall against people without any warning whatsoever. I'm scared." Hahaha. Then he fell against me and i couldn't hold him up and i was going to gently place him on the grass when he finally took his weight off me.

My god. These boys really do make my days better.

Ever since you went away,

My heart has never been the same.

And all that i can do is just laugh.

I should've never trusted myself. I thought i was strong enough. I thought i disconnected my heart enough to hug you without feeling anything. I wasn't even thinking. Just a two second hug and now, I'm drowning with thoughts of you. Thoughts I've fought so hard to get rid of. I actually succeeded too, until now.

I wish that there was a way i could turn off my thoughts. Or block you out. Or block out any emotion, for that matter.

Spirit Rally. :D

Today was bad weather. It doesn't feel like a Friday. Woke up late again. The only day woke up on time was Wednesday. Sigh. Need to sleep early. I stay up thinking about stupid things.

Got ready quickly. Ate LOWMAIGAI. Omg.(: China made me so obsessed. Yum. Beliz, worked on skit. So many mistakes. I hate marks on my script if it's not written by me to help me. So being the perfectionist I am, I'm gonna reprint it. Houston, not much. Gym, played basketball with the boys. Lunch, found Stacy and Elisha to give them their shiet. Found Stacy first and she was talking about how she was going to find me, but whatever. Then i was going to ask people if they have seen Eli but he walked out and i gave him the thing. And he gave me a hug.(: I don't remember what else happened but William gave me a big chocolate rock square thing. I didn't even finish it. lol.

When lunch was over, it started raining. How perfect. Holaday, i couldn't even focus because something was taking control of my mind. And so this is how it's like to finally feel something, anything, for anyone other than you. Did worksheet that turned into a quiz cause we were loud. Secretly, i wanted it to be a quiz cause i already finished and i wanted it to boost my grade. Haha. Cossick, powerpoint presentations. I'm gonna have to present soon.D: Stupid Ben.

Rally, sat with GrammaLucas. LOL. Funny. Then Chan came and since i wouldn't scream, he poked me so i would scream. It worked. LMFAO. Then he went up to do the activities so i wore his jacket. :D Smells good. Haha. Went by fast. Afterschool, found Chan and gave him his jacket back. Everyone kept asking me whose it was. How did you know it wasn't mine, hmm?D: Haha. Went to Subways with Paulo, Kelvin, Dean, Parma, and Jason. Eh. Just went mostly for Dean. Then Paulo walked and took the 14 with me till Mission and Geneva. They were all going to Kelvin's house again. -rolls eyes-

So it seems like you're not the only one on my mind anymore. Someone new is creeping in when i least expect it. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to feel anything for anyone other than you but i guess i can. I feel relief and at the same time, fear. Cause what I'm trying to do is disconnect my heart from these kind of things. This only proves that I'm doing a bad job. I'll stop this before anything happens. I miss you though. Really.

"Lately, I've been the girl i swore I'd never be."

REBEL!(: &childhood memories.

Woke up lateish but curled my hair anyways. I don't know why. Beliz, worked on skit. James and Clark were doing this eye thing and i couldn't do it. After trying to explain it to me for a long time, Clark gave up. That's when i was able to do it. I was scared to move it or else I'd lose it. Ahahaha. I was helluh laughing though. I was a bit high in Spanish.(: Houston, did work. Talked to JackyA. She says Brendan looks half Mexican. And her stepdad is Guatemalan and is named Jorge! ROFL. My mom's boyfriend is Jorge too! :DD ROFL. Brendan tried to tell me blonde jokes but i kept laughing before he finished. "So there was a blonde and a brunette." me- -LMFAOLFMAOLMFAO- The joke itself wasn't as funny as the way i laughed before he finished the joke. Ahahha. Homeroom, nothing.

Gym, i was a rebel and snuck outta class cause Seward told me to stop being a pussy and just do it. Well, he didn't say that but that's what i translated it to. So i did and i played football with Brian and Dennis for a bit. Then Glassman came and started looking at the class so i thought she noticed i was missing and went to find me. I was so scared, i ran to Kelly and them. Talked a little. Then when Glassman went away, i went back. Turns out, Seward didn't even sneak in! Jeez, Aha. Then got Jasmine to get the worksheet for me cause i was scared. LOL!

GSA, helluh people didn't go. Stupid asses. This is why i don't have faith in Bal. I have very low expectations for them. Especially cause of a stupid reason like "I can't today. I need to get lunch." Don't you get lunch every day? So that means you're never coming to the meetings? You're bullshit. And its really starting to annoy me. I'm doing everything i can to not bitch at you. Seriously, don't push it. Holaday, did experiment. Gonzo, did work and talked to Jasmine about our childhood. Oh my god, reliving all those embarrassing moments. Her's was funny though. Talking busses. AHAHA! Time went by pretty fast.

Afterschool, me and Jason were fighting at the busstop. Some black kid told him to hit my boobs. Wow, lol. No shit, he goes to Denman. Jason- "This is what i love about you. You do this with me in public not caring what other people think." Aha, I'm very cool. OoS, not much. Everything Jose is doing annoys me. Like when he's banging on the drum when Christian is playing. I want to tell him to STOP. The way he talks to me. The way he looks at me. The way he walks. The way he doesn't know what he's doing when he's controlling the computer. All of that makes me wanna slap you. Again. But it's not a good reason so i won't. Alfie and Christian say its okay that you're so clueless. Me, on the other hand, want to push you out of the chair and do everything by myself. I'm impatient, yes. Especially with stupidasses.

Break, realized me and Christian didn't write down the info for Amy so we ran back and wrote. He talked to me about Stacy! :0 About how she was way too happy all the time. I was like "Uh.. i am too. I'm too happy all the time." and he's like "But when you don't like something, you tell the truth and you voice it. You're confrontational and she just tries to smooth everything over." Very good point. Gathered everyone in a circle and played a game. It was pretty fun. Aha. Back inside, did more work. We had Alfie with us. He did some of the recordings. YEEEE!(: Time went by pretty fast. Went outside. ChristianD was on the drumset and ChristianR was on the piano. Me- "It's so pretty!" :D Ahaha. Jesse played on the Xylophone. RUGRATS THEME SONG. We all started squealing and laughing like stupidasses. Ahahaha. My god, i love you guys!

Pretty much it. And today, i realized i don't like more than half my 'friends' at Bal. That's not good.

"More is said than done."

My smile is so fake, i was almost not gonna post it up. Yeah, yesterday was a disappointing day.

So many scripts to memorize!

But i can't really complain or say i hate it because this is the first time i feel like I'm actually doing something with my passion.

I kind of enjoy it. The rush. The frustration. The feeling of accomplishment. The feeling of failure. I love the whole bittersweet feelings of it all.

Oh, and i think drumming class isn't performing on Friday, Nov. 5th anymore. Cause of Alfie's mom. Yeah, I can't help but feel a little disappointed cause i really do love performing with you guys. But i know her funeral is way more important than some measly performance. We'll have more opportunities, right guys? We just turned 2 down. There will be more! I hope.

Rest in Paradise, Alfie's mom &grandpa.

Fail actress. &YOUFANCY,HUH?

It was so cold in the morning. Woke up on time for the first time this week so I curled my hair.(: Beliz, failed my quiz. What a beautiful way to begin my day. 68% I didn't even wanna hear my grade. Bleh. Houston, groups. Did new hw. Homeroom, I liked that depressing video. Stupid Mr. Wong kept saying it was too emo for him. Agh, shutup. It was actually very good. English, presentations. Omg, I got a 75% on my test. Today is just not my day, huh? Lunch, same, I guess. People were playing T-ball. "ELI SUCKS! BOOOO." Ahaha. I'm very cool.(: Gonzo, work and blogging. Pretty easy.

Afterschool, wanted to do something because our meeting wasn't till 3:30. Told Bryan and Paulo to go somewhere with us but they fucking kept standing there and stalling. Fuck you guys. You just wanted to wait for Kelvin and them. So I am not going to stand and wait for them with you, then have you leave us to go have sex at Kelvin's house. Fuck no. So i got impatient and walked away, not caring if they'd follow. Walked to OoS with Mimi. They were having those meetings again so we chilled in the kitchen doing Spanish. Ranted and gossiped. Heh.(: Then we saw MARCUS! Omg. Talked a little. He ate the chips. Aha. Then went to meeting. We were filming. When i was going to say:
"The 12th night improv is a booth that interacts with the audience. Lick Actors from the actual play is going to be there performing a scene. After that, students can come up and join and improv the next scene."

Once the camera started rolling, i said: "The 12th night improve booth is a ..booth. Actors from Lick is performing then audience go up and... act. No, they improv the next scene...based..on the first scene... That the actors improv-ed."

Fuck. Then i checked my phone and had 3 texts. One from Jessica, one from Eli, and one from my mom. I knew it was Eli cause he added "Clean the filter.." Ahahah! You're cool, made me chuckle. Then i texted them back. Eli texted me again and a second after that, my mom did. Wth. My phone was dying too. We put markers back and yeah. OH, and go check out Christians new FB status. Fuckyeaah.(:

Back to class, they were doing some cool scenes. "I'm here to clean the filters!" Hahha. First thing i did was hug Eli and steal his hat. "Oh, you fancy, huh?" Very much so.(: Then since i was messing around with Eli so much, Freddie told me to go up next. What?! ASNw'finwefJHIEP. I had to go recite my lines. I memorized them. Made me look very impressive, no? Ahah. But i kept stuttering and i noticed my "Um"'s. I was secretly so frustrated, i wanted to scream at myself "STOP. It's not that fucking bad. You're only performing in front of what, 6 people?" It wasn't stage fright though. It's just, i know my lines. But whenever Freddie calls action or tells me to start, my mind clears completely and I'm on my own. Either that, or it speeds up and all my lines bounce around and fly through my head, causing me to skip lines. I'm sorry, you guys. I let myself down today. 3 times.

First with my 68%, then with my 75%, then with this. I can't do anything right today. Fuck me.-__- And i kept smiling. Yes, i can't stop when I'm nervous. I bet i looked so stupid. Christian- "What are you smiling at?" me- "Nothing.." Stupid. Oh, and Eli needs to stop making faces and secretly poking me. I try to stifle my laughter, then you walk away and i can't hold it anymore and start laughing. Then it makes me seem like an idiot. ROFL! Thank though, for easing my nerves.

Practiced hella times cause my stupid ass couldn't get it right. I laughed it off and continued. By the last time i practiced, i almost got the whole thing right. With a few hesitations here and there. It looks pretty good. I wanted to see Eli's rap. I stole his paper and was like "I'm from frisco, yo. -asdfghjkl; insert line here- bro. Him- Omg, you're so amazing. You should come rap with me. :D YEEE! It could go something like this.

My name is Eli, yo.
My name is Jessica, bro!
I'm from frisco.. tho!
I like to eat soup, yo.
Cause it tastes like soup, dawg?

Something like that. ROFLROFL. I'm sorry.xD Thanks for lending me your hat though. "You're messing up your beautiful hair!" Haha, not even! The hat was so big, it was constantly falling over my eyes. BLEH. It's your hair that causes you to buy bigass hats.xD Helluh fun. He carried me and threw me down the hill. RAWR! Then we ran inside. SURPRISE TRUST FALL! Ahaha. Then Eli piggybacked me outside. We all got into a circle and talked about upcoming events.

I had so much energy, i couldn't stop jumping around. Christian "Hold her down! Make her stop moving around." LOL. Did activities. Yehyeh. Back into the room, i did my lines one more time. Yee. I said i wanted trippy music at the end and we would all dance to it as the credits were rolling. "Oh, you fancy huh?" ;D Then it was Jessica's turn. Eli had to be the cooker and Christian was the old man. Eli was hella drawing attention away from Jessica cause his movements were hilarious. Man, this boy!

Then me and Alexis sat on Eli. Dayum, pimp! Ahah. You're cool. Whatelse, it was reaal funny though. I fell on Eli while he was trust falling with Alexis and we all fell down. Ahaha! Alexis- "You think i could hold you guys up?!" LOLOL. Whatelse? Nothing. Went upstairs. Got out hugs!:D Then left. Oh, i was like "Eli, i have a ride too!" "You fancy, huh?" -him. AHAHHAHAHHA.<3

"And honestly I've been begging for answers that you and only you could give to me."

At times like this, i miss the 'love' feeling.

At times like these, i miss you.

Strict.

"Alright, Jessica. If you don't memorize this shit by the next hour, you fail. You fail as an actress and you most importantly, you fail as a person. If you can't memorize this, you are worthless and very stupid."

Yeah, so basically, this is the prep talk i gave myself before i started memorizing my second poem. I'm kind of hard on myself, i know. But if i don't have high standards set for me, i will do the absolute littlest i can.

And hey, it works. 2 down, 2 more to go.(:

Songs in gym.(:

It's so hard to wake up in the mornings now. It's like by brain blocks out my alarm clock. Took the bus with Alan.(: Beliz, had a sub. Did my poem. Sophia and Jasmine said it was good. Aha. Talked about China! I miss it.): Gym, played tennis with Carmen, Andy, Jacky, and Garrett. Made a song with Carmen. I'll write it later since I'm in class.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP
Ms. Glassman can suck my dick.
Why is her husband the prick?
If she treats me bad, I'll say.
I'll put a bullet through your face.

Sing along.
To my favorite song.
When Ms. Glassman wears a thong,
You'll know the world has gone wrong.

Talked about how much it hurts to know your friends are getting high and shit. We feel the same way. We care too much.):

Homeroom, read. Holaday, samesame. Lunch, here were skywritera. I joked that someone was proposing to me and Bryan was like "Who would marry you?" Well, fuck you too. -__- He says I'm obsessed with Stacy. Thanks. Then i let him look over my scripts. LOL I remembered one. He said it was deep and good. Ha. Ha. Goodjoke. I don't like them. Aha. I don't like to wrote them. .__. Haha.

Cossick, more presentations. Ben thought Ben and VickyK were brother and sister. Then he made a song about it. I laughed so hard I had to beg him to stop singing. Omg. Hilarious. More prsentations. Yeah. Gonzo, blogging.(: No me gusta la matematicas.): Afterschool was funny. Saw Evan and Jericho! They were talking to Mr.Tran about how they were going to go YumCha. ROFLROFL. So Asian. Caught up to Angus, Jammy, and Stanley. They were talking about how someone got shitted on then suddenly, Stanley got bird poop on his arm. AHAHAHHAHAHA. OoS, Christian told me about the card for Alfie. Amy called us in and started talking to us.

Played snare.(: Then chimbao. Then bass. In that order. With break and stuff somewhere in between. When playing the bass, i really wanted to play the snare. I don't know. But i already did so.. D: But anyway, i practiced throwing my sticks while playing. Made presentations to Photo class. Signed Alfie's card at lunch. My god. Losing 2 loved ones in less than 2 weeks. I'm sorry. Stay strong. And I'm really glad you came back today but i hope you're feeling better.
Rest in paradise..

That's pretty much it.

"She was only a dream."

There's gotta be something else out there for me.

I felt it in my heart the day i started to dream.

Like the perfectionist i am, i would retype the whole script just to fix 3 typos and reprint it. -__- Well, 1 down, 3 to go. Wish me luck, guys. Watch me mess up and incorporate random pieces of each script into each other. LOL. Fml then. Um, yeah. I memorized one of them. The shortest one. Oh, yay. Then again, i did it in 30 minutes. Not too shabby.(:

Watch i forget all of it in the morning. Asdfghjkl;

Ball fight. :D

I had such a hard time falling asleep last night. I know i would hate myself in the morning, and i did. Lol. Woke up late, rushed to get ready. Oh my lovely hair. -__- Tried waving it a little bit then put it in a ponytail. Fuckit. Made my tea, ate breakfast, and left. Houston, went over next Chapter. Finished the hw. :D Sat for so long, my butt was numb. -__- TMI? LOL. Gym, walked with Vicente, Brian, and Paulo. Tried to act professional and shiet for one lap. LOL, i did it. Paulo says i sound too fake. Rofl, needa practice. Talked to them about how girls hate me. Brian and Paulo say they can imagine why. .__. Vicente is the only nice, supportive one. Thanks.(: Uh, and Brian says he can't imagine me crying. Like, i don't cry. He can imagine Vicente cry but not me. Wtf. I cried Saturday night. It's not that rare. Aha.

Bryan helped me carry my books to Wong cause i couldn't carry it since my hand was already holding my tea. Thanks!(: Homeroom, read. "Donde estan las chicas lindas?" Then Uju walks in. ROFLROFL. Holaday, switches seats. Noo. Cossick, presentations. I didn't do mine yet. :D Gonzo, sub. Talked with Jasmine about China. She never been there before. :0 She needs to go. It's amazing. I hella miss it.): Then she told Leslie about my secret crush for him. .__. He said he liked me too. But he likes Stephanie too so.. WTF. I was so embarrassed. Crystal asked him if he would be my Valentine and he said YES. Ohmygod.. Ahaha. Should i be flattered? Aha.

Afterschool, walked with David. Alan told me stories about when he was high.. Yeah. I really wish i didn't know. I don't like knowing my friends do that kind of stuff. OoS, played with balls. OMG. :D Then after, me and Mireya started a ball fight by throwing balls at Eli. Then we all threw it at each other. Haha, that was fun.(: Went to the computer lab and typed up some poems that Freddy made us write. Christian and Mireya say i type fast. LOL! Not even. After, i made two copies. Freddy says i had to memorize them. Lovely. If i knew i had to memorize them, i would've made it shorter. .__. Break, went into the kitchen and got myself some pie. Oh the perks of being on YAB.<3 Class, i found out i had memorize our other script too. Ohjoy. Christian gets to abuse me. LOL.

Made announcements to other classes. Francisco kept chasing me around asking for a hug. I kept saying NO but he kept asking and begging, trying to catch me. "Aren't i a stalker?" like he knew i was talking about him and telling people he was. Made it in other classes and yeah. What did we do after that? Not much. Oh, i remember i hit myself against the chair. Why do i always injure myself? And i kept flinching at random moments cause i felt someone touching me but no one was touching me. Christian and Jessica laughed at me. Fuck, I'm paranoid. Haha.

And Stacy, will you please stop staring at me? You're acting as if i can't see your judgmental looks and glances. I'm sorry for whatever reason you have to be jealous of me. But stop. Gtfo. Look at someone else. I don't need you watching me and everything i do. Everything i say. Everyone i talk to. It's like you're always there, watching, waiting for me to mess up. Stop.

That's it. Now i gotta remember so many scripts. 3 for Theater. 1 for Spanish. Probably 1 in the future for drama. Ahh.

"May i say i loved you more?"

Short blog. So here's a picture for your entertainment. :D

China

So i had a dream that i went back to China and came back. And i started comparing everything here to China. And i kept crying because i missed it so much. I do miss it a lot. It's so easy, fun, hot, and comfortable. 2 more years till i get to go back. I can't wait.

Remembering Sunday.

This is the exact song i need right now. Thanks iPod, for picking such a beautiful melody for me to fall asleep to.

Is it wrong?

To talk to someone just to get a compliment out of them because you know that they'll give you one? Then after you get what you want, you get rid of them?

Ha, my brain is so messed up, i need a compliment from some random guy to make me feel better about myself.

Sleep, i think i need you.

Oh, and Christian, thanks for caring. I'm not fine, but i will be.

Chocolate.

I want more. I'm eating way too much.

We all know what this means..

So stressed and tired.

Retail Therapy!

Retail therapy is always the answer. Aha, no. It was that i finally had time to go shopping. I haven't for a long time. And i desperately needed to go. The bad thing is that after, i am always so broke. .__. Anyway, went with my sister. Bonding time. :D Funny shit. People probably thought we were high or something. At one point, i was humping the bus stop thing and these people who drove by gave me O_____________O looks. LMFAO.

Good day.

Coincidence?

So yesterday, i was looking through the songs i wrote and i stumbled upon the one i wrote for my best friend back in 8th grade after she left. And today, i wake up to her message she left me on facebook. Wow.

I miss you, hun. Come back!

It's 10:45 in the morning. I just woke up and the first thing I do is write a song about you. Sigh.

Today..

So I'm in Holodays class and I just finished my test. LOL. So blogging for the last 10 minutes of class. It's getting harder and harder to wake up these days. My brain has a way of making me turn off my alarm clock before I could fully wake up. .__. I'm a mess today cause I didn't have time to do my hair. Beliz, had a sub. Didn't do much. Talked. Looked back at old songs. Some were good. Some were just WTF. LOL. Houston, did hw and watched movie. Eh. Gym, played volleyball with Vicente and the blackguy. Vicente got the ball stuck. LOL. Assembly, sat with Cary. Weird shit.

Lunch, raped people. Ahaha. Studied in the rain. Annoyed at the noise. Thanks to the people who kindly held an umbrella over my head. I was too frustrated to care. Holoday, test. I kind of cheated..LOL. Cossick, no PowerPoint presentations cause we had a sub! :D Did DEAR, read My Lucy Friend Who Smells Like Corn. Then we had to write a TEA paragraph but i thought it was a TEA essay. I was on my 3rd paragraph until i realized. I turned two of the paragraphs into one by combining it and adding another sentence. Man, I am an overachiever.D:

Afterschool, got kidnapped to go with the Dean, Bryan, Paulo, Kelvin, Jason, and them. The usuals. Walked to wait for the K. Then they started playing minecraft. The boys said i had a disgusted expression on my face. A bored, disgusted, "Why do i hang out with these people?" expression. LOL. Then i found out they were going to Kelvin's house so i left. Fuckyou guys. I was going to take the 14 till i saw Francisco there. -__- So i hid and called my mom to pick me up.

That was my day. Not much at all. I think i should sleep before i bitch at even more people. Sigh.

"Cuts on paper hearts could be awfully deep."

Cocaína.

So I woke up from a creepyass dream.-__- I vaguely remember but it has something to do with someones whole face turning inside out. Eh. Got ready. Tired.

Nothing in Beliz. Houston was ok. Notes. Homework. Firedrill. Someone played Justin Beiber and we were hella sad we were dying to Justin Beiber. LOL. Gym, tennis with Jacky, Andy, Garrett, and Carmen. Funny. Found Jacky's nipples and he taught me how to flex my stomach. Ahaha. Lunch, GSA. Boring. Just a bit annoyed at Bryan and Dean. Holiday, omg. There's wifi in here. So I have another blogging period. Currently blogging from there now. Finished my quiz. Eh. Gonzo, quiz. Then the frustrating ass soduku.-__-

Afterschool, bloodyknuckles with Dean. I ain't no pussyass little girl. Walked with them. Bussed with Jason. Felt like i had a lot of power at OoS cause they were all making me do shit. With more power comes more responsibility though. This time, it was my turn to be like "Let's go drummers! Class time." Mhm. Got into my new group of Christian, Jose, Emily, and the other guy. Useless and quiet. I barely knew he existed, lol. Omg, it was so fucking hilarious cause the song had Cocaine in it. But it was in Spanish. Cocaína. Ahaha. Alright, so here's the story behind that. Mark said we had to get rid of it.

So we had to find it. And Christian found it and made a loop of it. So it played Cocaína on replay about.. how many times? So we were all laughing our butts off. So we reversed it and it said Aniago. ROFL. Funny as fuck though. So we went in our own groups. We found Cocaína. Replayed it a few times. Ahahah. Then we reversed it. Then Mark comes in and asks us what we were on because we were acting so crazy. "You guys on drugs..?" Me- "NO, we're on Cocaína!" Then we all laughed super hard. It was one of those "You had to be there." moments. Ahhh.<3

Took us really long to record because Emily messed with the EQ and we forgot it was still helluh funky. That's why our recordings sounded so stupid. LOL. Kahlil came in and locked the door. He was like "You guys are going to get raped." Then unzipped his pants. He looked so serious until he broke into laughter. LOLL. Break. Food wasn't out so i ran upstairs and got the food. Went down and the second i put it down, people attacked it. .__. I honestly don't like these people. So i hung out with my drummers. Pablo slung a longass rubberband at me.): Was hungry. Christian offered me some of his burrito but eh. Emily and Kahlil be dry humping every day. Ahaha. Talked. Yeah.

Went back inside. Jose being an annoying ass. Throwing 5 cents at me and calling me a 5cent hoe. I glared at him and slapped him. Then he kept throwing it at me and shit. Then he said "Oh, nevermind. You're free." So i got up and slapped him. He was like "Owww, that one actually hurt!" and started asking everyone if it were red. I don't give a fuck. Your bitchass is disrespectful. Christian told him to just leave me alone. Then he just shut up. Christian asked if i was alright a short while after. "Are you alright? You look annoyed."

I just answered honestly and said "I am annoyed." I left the room and tried to relieve some tension. Fucked Kalil in the ass. ROFL. Put the drums back and ChristianR was playing on the drumset. TEACH ME, BIATCH! Aha. ChristianD was playing the piano. I sang along. We wish you a merry Christmas! Pablo- "It's not even Christmas yet, Jessica.." Butbut, it was the song Christian was playing. LOL. Jose apologized to me. Then he said "I don't even know what i did though.." Man, just leave it as an apology, dumbass.

Jesse taught me how to play slapbox. I couldn't stop laughing though. I like how he treats me like a real person, instead of a girl. A little girl. A stupid, immature girl who is much younger than he. He played bloody knuckle with me, joked about sexual stuff with me, talked about boobs and asses, ectect. I really appreciate it. Went into the OoS office and drew on the board with Christian.(: Ahaha. Went outside, it was kind of sprinkling. "I'm getting weeet!" -me "Cause I'm here." -Christian. Cocky bastard. LOL! Took the 8x. It was raining. Mommy picked me up. Man, stupid him. I was calling her and he was like "DICKDICKDICK." Fuckyou! LMAO.

I feel bitchy lately. Sorry if you've become a victim. Just keep your distance cause small stuff are starting to annoy me.

"I need to find a reason to feel like everything was meant to be let go."

OoS hurts.

So i found 2 bruises on my knee from falling in Theater today. I also scraped my elbow too. Wonderful.

Also, i popped my blood vessel in my finger. And i get really bad bruises on my shins from playing the drums. And my forearms get sore.

I never thought OoS could be so painful. Oh, and Jack. OMG, i miss you! I hope you're having fun at your internship cause drumming really isn't the same. Oh, and i learned Pablo's name was spelled Pablo. I always spelled it Paublo. ASDFGHJKL SORRY. Ahah.

Trippy ass music dancing &Serious conversations.

Today, so fucking cold. Wore purple cause of the gay guys who commit suicide. Saw Alan but he took the 14 and I took the 88. My body is so sore. Especially my arms. Gah.

Houston, packet. Sang him Happy Birthday- the black way. Cause it was his birthday yesterday. Cossick, PowerPoint presentations. Don't wanna do mine. Lunch, ranted to Bryan about Stacy and her jealousy. LOL, ok lunch. Pinched Parma's nipples. Apparently I pinch harder than Jammy. Gonzo, blogged.(: Short blog today for school. Cause nothing freaking happened.

Afterschool, Alan kidnapped me to go with them to eat Pho. It was like me, David, Alan, Jammy, Raymond, and the other guy. LOL. Pretty funny. Had a good view of Uju from where i was sitting. Ohyeah.(:< LOL. Whatelse, yo mama jokes with Alan and David. Hahahaha. Got off at OoS. Um, they were having some kind of meeting so i hung out in the kitchen. Helped prepare snacks after. Meeting was over and Jessica and Stacy came. Christian and i are.. LMFAO. That one girl was asking us if we were going out cause we fought like we were. -___- Me and Christian started laughing helluh hard at that. Sorry, can't even keep a straight face. LOLOL. Christian, stop fighting with me over stupid little things. Jeez. Whatelse. Class. Did what we did on Monday with the falling and stuff. Tired. Then we had to do writing activity. I was complaining about how i hated writing. And Freddie was like "WHY? You're really good at it." Oh, thanks. My poems are all deep and shit, huh? LOL not even. I'm not that good. .__. You probably said that just to make me write. Aha. No sorry. I don't take compliments well. Especially on things like writing. Oh that reminds me of Jasmine yesterday. "Wow, acting, drumming. What else do you do? Sing?" me- "Kinda." her- "OMG, what can't you do? You're so talented." That made me smile. Thanks.(: Wrote. Eh, this is gonna improve my poem writing, lol.

Break, peed. Went down and sat with Eli. He let me listen to his trippy music. And his ghetto music. Holyfuck dude. His trippy music. Makes me feel like I'm high or something after i listen to it. We danced to it. Basically waking our hands everywhere and wiggling our fingers. If you listened to it, you'd know its the only way to dance to it. Seriously. Alexis likes bands like Secondhand Seranade and Owl City. I heard her squealing over a song. Never thought that would happen. I really shouldn't judge people by how they look. Lesson learned.

In class, Eli plugged in his trippy music and we danced in the middle of the room. Fuck yes. LOL. Had to get in groups and make a 3-5 minute scene about relationships. Me, Christian, and Jessica are together and we're doing abusive relationships. Me and Christian kept throwing things at each other and arguing. Jessica actually wrote it in the script and here was how it went. "You're a poop!" "WHAT? You're a poop!" "Your face is a poop!" "Your mom is a poop." "Shut up!" "You started it." "You started it." "You always start it." Ectect. And we realized, thats how about half of our conversations are.. HAhaha. Layed down and started doing the trippy dance. Eli just laughed at me. LOL.

Stacy told me about how helluh people hated my guts. Oh, that's nice. Ahaha. She said they were all gossiping and shit about how they really hate me. I asked if they were girls and she said yes. I was just like "HAHA, figures." and she's like "Why?" And i told her i don't get along with girls. She was just like -__-. Honey, i really couldn't care less. That shit doesn't phase me like it does to you. Especially cause they're girls. They're worth less to me than poop. Honestly. Friends of yours are not friends of mine anyway. Hmm, finished writing script. Or continued it.. Then waited for the bus with Christian. He mentioned that we never truly had a serious conversation. We were thinking and seeing if we did have one. We probably did.. On the bus, i was trying to be serious with him. LOL at me. "Dickdickdickdickdickdickdick, Hi mommy!" Ahaha. She thinks I'm an angel.xD

Christian wasn't playing along with my seriousness. "That's what she said." me- "Who's she?" "You." "Then why are you saying it as she? That means theres a third person that you're talking about me to." him- -___- Haha. I'm frustrating when I'm mature, huh? ROFL.

"Give me any reason to believe cause i swear, I'm done here."

Do you understand?

That this is your last chance? I swear, it is.

"God bless youu." &RIP):

Today was okay. Very tiring. Had a fieldtrip.

Spanish, took test. I was fucked. I think i failed.

After that, met at the front and walked to the Bart station. Cossick gave us all Bart tickets. Thanks! Walked with Terence and Diana. Funny. Bart, loud. Diana made me paranoid about faces popping up randomly. LOL. Listened to Remembering Sunday- All Time Low. Why does it have to be such an amazing song? Repeat. Library, walked around. It was alright. Shared my white rabbit with Terence. Saw a picture of a little kid who looked like JackyA and told her. Then everyone agreed with me and said it looked like her. LOL. Started comparing the library to our houses. Fucking bigass library. Took Kevin's beanie. :D People said i looked cute. HA. Funny. But it was comfy.(: Sat with Louis, Diana, Elly, and JackyA. ASDFGHJKL bitches kept messing with me. Is it that fun? LOL.

Kevin drank Diana's water and spilled all over himself, the floor, and me. -__- LMFAO. Then later on, Diana was asking why there was wet stuff on her face and I'm like "Condensation!" LOOL. After, we just decided to chill in the park. Backflips on the thingies. :D People were all asking how i did it and that i was pro. After a while, i got dizzy and sat next to Jason. Then we saw this one bitch pulling on a halfnaked guy's hair. She was bitching at him and pulling his hair. Then he went across the street and she was bitching at him to jump these two white guys. Fuck, we were so interested in the whole situation. Then she ran across the street and started bitching at him more. Then another guy talked to the halfnaked guy, then they hugged. And the bitch came running back to our side and did something then left. Awkward. LOL.

Then i took Jason's hat and wore it. :D Asked Paulo what it felt like to be high. He explained it to me and Jason said he wanted to try it. Paulo doing helluh fucking stuff. But he will never try this one thing ever again cause it was scary as fuck and he saw the devil. Talked hella long about drugs and getting high. They say when you're high and you use your inhaler, you get even more high. Him- "Why. you thinking of trying it?" me- "HEEEELL NO." I was just curious. Then talked about getting girls. One thing i learned- never trust guys. They were talking to like 3 girls at once and shit. Fuck that. LOL. Heard Kevin be getting hella girls but he's still innocent, besides the drinking. Damn, me and Diana were most innocent. LOL.

Then Ms.Cossick decided to make us go back in time for last period. -__- This hobo was crying and asking for a lighter. Paulo gave him one and he was like "THANK YOU. THANK YOU. GOD BLESS YOU." in a helluh cry-y, shakey voice. The whole way back, they were all mocking him going like "GOD BLESS YOUUUU." in the same voice. ROFLROFL. I thought it was mean at first but i started saying it too. It was very addicting to say. Helluh fucking funny. LOLOL.

Tried to take our time and went back to school around 2:30. My eye hurt so bad so i took off my contact. Atschool, went pee and put my contact back on. Then slowly made my way to Gonzo's class. Urg. Tortured AndyO and Wilson more. Fuck, Andy is so annoying sometimes. I feel the need to physically hurt him. I feel satisfied when he bleeds. One sick girl, i am. Afterschool, walked with Bryan and AndyT.(: Talked about AIM and why I'm always away and how i never respond. LOL. He plans to spam me until i respond. Gtfo! LOLOL.

OoS, talked with Amy. Went to class. Had to work on beat making cause Alfie wasn't here. His mom passed away.. Rest in peace.): So many deaths recently. Sigh. So freaking bored. Worked outside. Bleh. Barely was any use cause of how tired i was. Yeah. Break, ate. Talked. Freaking Christian picked me up cause i said i was tired and he wouldn't let me down. Then he proceeded to throw me in the air repeatedly. -__- When he carries you, he'll never let you down. LOL. Food.

Back to class. Basically spaced out the whole time. Kept yawning. When someone asked me something, i'd just agree and say it was good. Bleh, i was so out of it. Christian tried to wake me up by carrying me. Just scared the crap outta me. Didn't wake me up. LOL. Put me down and i went back to being groggy and tired. -___- After that, hmm. Finished up, kinda. Kahlil just said "Let's have sex!" hugged me, then exclaimed "We just had sex." LMFAO. Went back up. Tried not to say anything sexual for about 7 feet. I made it. LOL. Took the 29. Waited pretty long for the 14.

And..yeah. Fucking tired. RIP Alfie's mom. I'm so sorry, Alfie. Please, take time for yourself. I don't care how bored i get with the class. Stay strong.):

"You look at me with your eyes on the floor."

Holyfuck.

Omg, i remember this. I look like crap. My bangs. .___. But i just had to post this picture up. AHAHAHAHHA. Me &Leslie with.. Uju. ROFL.

Me and Vicente's song &every guy messes with me.):

Todaytoday. Ugly fucking weather but it was a pretty good day. A lot of laughs. The only thing is, my stomach will murdering me. Especially in fucking bio. I wanted to stab myself to end the pain. Seriousfuckingly. Walked to school with Hang. Making fun of his name. Imma name my son Hang, with the vagina accent thing. Inspired by my exbestfriend!<3

Houston, he is so fucking hilarious. I effing love him. Swear. That racist son of a bitch. Ah. I was dying. I was already energetic cause Leslie gave me chocolate that morning. Not a good idea. Man, i don't even like chocolate. O__O LOL.

Gym, everyone looked sad. So i asked "Why so glum, chum?" to hella people. Walked alone at first. Brian asked me why i was alone and where my 'bitches and hoes' were. "My bitches and hoes are busy." LOL. Then finally found Vicente walked with him. We made some funny as song. I don't even know how it started! Talking about mascots. Then Vicente said his balls were cold. Then we kept continuing and making it a song. LMAO!

We tried to tell Dennis but after one verse, he was trying to run away. Luckily, he's crippled and can't get very far. LMFAO. Me and Vicente wrote 3 verses. LMAO. Should i write it on here? We were laughing so hard and smiling so much, our cheeks were hurting. People who passed by us asked if we were high, smoked pot, ect. We were like "Nah, the worst part is, this is how we are when we're not even on anything!" ROFL. Forreal. Natural high. Drugs can't be better than this.xD JackyA came to school high though. Helluh obvious. Mkay. Get ready for awesomeness.(:

I don't know.
My balls are cold.
I have a chode.
I fucked Ms.Noll.
I made her moan.
I made her cum explode.

Look the sun's coming out!
I fucked a cow!
I pinched it's nipples and it say "Ow."
Look there's a chicken!
Come fuck me now!
When you see me dick, you'll say "WOW."

We were on the grass.
And i was fucking her in the ass.
I grabbed her boobs.
We didn't even use lube.
She had curly pubes.
And fucking her was as boring as solving a rubix cube.

The end. LOLOLOLLOLOLOLLMFAOLMFAOLMFAO. We're so amazing.

Homeroom, read.

Holoday, was dying cause of my stomach. Swear to god. Was waiting for the bell to ring so badly. Urg.

Lunch, wasted my life with drama club. They stupid as fuck. We had the entire green room and we just sat there and talked. Wow. So stupid. Dragged Bryan in with me. But it was better than being outside, i guess. It wasn't that cold but i was shaking regardless. -__-

Cossick, did group work. Had to draw meaning of our words. The stereotype one was funny. Black and Asian. LOL. Finally took vocab quiz. Kinda hard. Turned in my fieldtrip slip last minute. Yeah.

aiyapokaye 7:14 pm
(7:14:10 PM): yeah
(7:14:15 PM): its okay
(7:14:19 PM): you'll be taking the BART with COSSICK
(7:14:22 PM): you'll be EATING with COSSICK
(7:14:29 PM): you'll be SITTING with COSSICK
(7:14:33 PM): your whole day of cossick

Asshole. LOL.

Gonzo, did work. Made AndyO bleed cause he was being annoying. My nails broke his skin on his arm and i stabbed him in the face with my pencil. That's you get for annoying me. Goddamn. You started it, hun. I just ended it. Don't even try to challenge me by flicking me off them telling me to go over there. Cause when i get up, you scream like a little girl and apologize. That's what i thought. Shut the fuck up because I'm not gonna hold back on drawing some blood out of you. I already stabbed your fucking face with my pencil, did i not? Sorry but let's not mess with me when I'm grouchy and shit. You're only gonna get hurt.

Afterschool, Radetsky caught me slapping JasonWu. LOL. He started it by pushing me. -__- Forced Bryan to walk with me to the busstop. Sang the song to him to Paulo. LMAOLMAO. Went to OoS. Stacy was the only one there. Eli was in the bathroom. Awkward, much? Fucking swear. She said hi to me and i was like "Hi.." but my voice was messed up. And she was like "Are you okay..?" As if you care. Stfu. We went to class. Messed with Eli. Fucking asshole made me laugh so much, i couldn't do the warmups we were suppose to. -__- Stacy- "JUST STOP LOOKING AT HIM!" It's not that fucking easy when he's right next to me and making faces at me and my only other option is you! Fucking damn. "Stop flirting." Oh my fucking god. There's nothing i hate more than a girl saying that. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. We were not anyway. It's called messing around and being friendly. -__-

Did activities. Funny. Watched a video. Eli was being an ass and giving everyone candy except me. FUCKYOU, BUTTHOLE! You gave Stacy one but not me? WTH, you trippen balls. You really wanted me to suffer that badly? LOL. Had to fucking pee so went to the bathroom with Stacy. The light was broken and when we closed the door, it was pitch black in there so we screamed and ran back outside. Her- "I don't need to go anymore.." me- "I think I just went in my pants.." LOOL. Went back. LOL at Eli though. "Clean the filter, bro." Yeah, insider.xD Um, scary video though. Eli needs to stop messing with me. Like forreal. He didn't even give me any candy.):<

Uhm. Whatelse. Break, at peanut butter and bread. Yummy. Stacy bragged about finding $40 on the floor and a guy she really likes asking her out. Bitch, you think i give a fuck? Unless you're splitting some money with me. Then I'll listen to all your bitchy, whiny little problems till you're out of them.(: But that's not the case, is it? No? Then stfu. Went back downstairs. Watched more videos. Stole Eli's chair after Christian came and they both were like practically gangbanging me. Christian was all warming his hands on my thighs and Eli was tugging on my hair and touching me. ASDFGHJKL. You guys are cool.. LOL. Stacy got pissed because no one was paying any attention to her. LOLOL. You mad?

Stole Eli's 11 cents. He kept on throwing them at me. Then he shoved them in my shirt. Gtfo! LOL. Then played with chair. Eli kept trapping me against the wall with it. Oh, and i was like "STOP RAMMING ME AGAINST THE FUCKING WALL AND TABLE." LOLOL. I didn't even realize it at first. Ahahaha. Then he trapped me against the wall with his chair. We were using them as objects. Our topic was Relationships. I said it was supportive. -sits on chair- Confining. -puts chair in a way to trap my legs- And awkward. I put it on me awkwardly and started crawling. Ahaha. Christian, Eli. Gtfo and stop messing with me. LOLOL. Jk, you guys are cool. Speaking of which, Eli, your fucking dime fell out of my pants when i was changing outta them. When the hell did you put it in there? LOL.

Sang Christian the song on the bus. LOLOL. I'm cool. Went home, yeah. Fun day if it weren't for my stomach. Rereading this, man, i swore so much. I don't even know why. Today, i just swore my ass off. And i can't stop. LOL. Oh and i noticed that when a guy asks for a hug, i always tell them "Next time." or "Later." and it never happens. I don't know why. I remember 8th grade. I loved hugs. Now, i rarely give them. .__. I'll start again. Hugs are comforting.

"Will you just look at how things were and how they are right now and tell me that i am right?"

Goodnight &Goodmorning.(:

Right before i went to sleep last night. Tired. Truth be told, i miss you.

First thing in the morning. I don't wake up looking all pretty and stuff. LOL.

I'm not all that pleasant in the morning. Not even close..

(:

So this morning i woke up to my mom telling me to go out with her to buy something. Halfheartedly got ready and came out. My mom's boyfriend had a chicken sandwich from Wendy's for me and a red velvet cupcake. I remember wanting to try one because I've heard they were good but i never tried one before. And my grandma came in with porridge.

How was your morning?(:

So anyway, went with my mom to that place. Saw a tiny music store place. Wanted to go in but my mom dragged me away. I know. She shouldn't trust me anymore. I always give up on whatever instrument. Piano, guitar, uke. I can't commit for shit. -__- But i want drum pads. But I'm hesitant cause i don't trust myself either. Plus, I'm not that good and it frustrates the hell out of me. Anyway, went into the store. She looked at bras and i swear, she just loves to embarrass the hell out of me. -__- Thanks, mother. She stayed there for freaking forever. 1 or 2 hours. I was dying.

You know how when you go somewhere, if the owner is a Chinese lady or something, they'll compliment the shit outta you? Yeah. Kind of annoying now. Oh you're so tall. Oh, you're so pretty. So smart. Ectect. STFU. You just want business. Lol, anyway. Then some old man started talking to me about his grandson and how smart, tall, and athletic he was. Okay..? O___O How he was number 1 in his school for baseball and they went to championships and all that.

He showed me pictures, and kept talkingtalkingtalking. Wow. Men and their pride. I kept silently telling my mom to GTFO. I wanted to go home. I was so mentally and physically exhausted. Finally, we left and i helluh ranted to her about her and her motherfucking addiction to shopping. Anyway. Better than staying at hope, i guess. Got home. Ate my cupcake. It wasn't that all that good but whateveer. I hope i didn't have any homework.

So I've been thinking. Last year, looking back, i feel so embarrassed. I wish i could go back and slap myself. I was stupid as fuck. LOL. This year, i hope to be better. One thing i need to change forsure is my choice of friends. No offense you guys. They don't really make me laugh or feel happy. Which is hard cause i laugh at everything. Most of them, i honestly only hang out with them because they're my last or close to last option. That's not something I'm proud of. Maybe its the fact i get along with males more. Older males. Older males from different schools? Gah. Balboa needs cooler people. Everything there really sucks. I honestly can't find someone who i truly, honestly would like as a friend. Mkay. Buh bye.

"I like a guy who's true to his word, but even more than that, a guy who's true to his heart."

Oh, how i love pickup lines.(:

Your dad must have been retarded, 'cuz you are special.

LMAOLMAO. Ah, made my day.(:

Why is this so frustrating?

Remember when i said i loved drumming? Can i take that back? -____-

JUSTKIDDING! I'll still love you no matter how ASDFGHJKL you make me. Like right now. -__- Need. To. Improve. WElfknGBOdef. Sigh.

Currently..

Craving something sweet. I haven't eaten a banana in a long time. Yum.

Oh and I need music. Little luck. I feel like dancing. I'm so addicted to the song Little Lion Man- Mumford and Sons. Click it to listen, yeah?

My mom says if i keep up my 3.83, she'll give me $200/buy me a camera with that cost up to that next time. Hmm.

I just remembered the conversation me and Kelly had yesterday after gym. She asked me what happened with me and my guitar. Guiltily, i told her i kind of gave up on it for my drumming. Sorry, my beloved guitar. Someday, I'll come back to you. I'm just a bit infatuated with drumming. Nothing to get worried about.(:

3.83

I know I should be proud of myself, considering the fact that this time last year, I was hanging out with the wrong people. I couldn't care less about getting good grades. I even once got 3.00 or a little lower and I didn't care. That shoul'vde been my wakeup call but I guess my dumbass self didn't get it.

Now i'm doing a lot better. So mom, I hope you'll stop worrying that OoS and YAB and EAG is affecting my studies. I told you the distraction was good for me. I worked exceptionally hard. Harder than I had freshman year. But your reaction to it made it all worth it.

I hope you're proud of me, mom.(:

Microwaves. .__.

So, I don't know why but microwaves really scare me. Whenever i have to microwave something, i get all nervous and my heart gets uncomfortable. Like, I'm always afraid it will explode or something. And when the beep thing goes off, signaling the food is done, a wave of relief really just washes over me.

So future husband, you mind microwaving stuff for me?(:

Best break ever!

I had a very lovely day today, actually. Thanks for asking.(:

I vaguely remember what happened in school. First period, nothing.

Second period, asdfghjkl got a 99 on my test. He minused a point cause i wrote too much for one of my answers. .__. Watched Elizabeth. Brendan gave me food. Thankyou!:D

Homeroom, read and 'argued' with Cary about who's lamer.xD JesseS walked me to gym.(: Haven't talked to this nigga in a longlong time. Well, it's just like "Hi." but yeah.

Gym, tennis. Jacky and Garrett are funny.

Lunch, drama club. Played the bench game. A little frustrating at first because they were just staying in the seat no matter what. And I'm pretty sure that they would get off if it were to really happen to them. -rolls eyes- But they got the hang of it. It became pretty funny.

Bio, sub. Ghetto.

Cossick, sub. Sat with Jeremy and Dayana. They're funny with all their arguing and sexual jokes. Ahah. Oh, Dayana, I am no way in hell perfect. Seriously. I'm not even close.xD

Afterschool, took the 54 &14 with my lovely lowgong. Was gonna walk me home cause it was cold but decided at last minute to go to the park. He kept complaining how ghetto it was. LOL! Sat on the grass and yeah. Let's leave the rest between me and him.(; You are way too cute. I really like you. After about an hourish, we went home.

Definitely the best way i could spend my only free Friday. Thank you a million times, Amy, for canceling the meeting.

My hands have been shaking the whole day. I don't even know why. They still are..

"Please, there's nothing wrong with the way i light up when you're around."

LOLOL!

jessicaling0 9:16 pm
(9:16:39 PM): LOL
(9:16:45 PM): hows your nipples? ;D
WilsonLoccc 9:16 pm
(9:16:55 PM): when i took off my shirt
(9:17:01 PM): 4 nipple hair came out

Cockblocked &new group(:

Today had the perfect weather, i think. Not too hot but not too cold. Perfect sun with a slight breeze. Beautiful. Plus, the sky! OMG, it was so so so so beautiful. It looked amazing! So on the 14, i looked out the window and saw Kahlil walking and i wondered if i should wait for him but right when i got off the 14, i saw Francisco. -__- So i helluh ran to the other side. Man, stalker. Walked with Erica and Terence to school.

Beliz, annoyed. Girls will be girls, right? .__.

Houston, pretty fun. Brendan tricked me into eating that nasty protein shit. LOL the aftertaste is horrid. .__. Read chapter. I was a smart little girl and did my homework with it. I'm on number 6. :D Brendan keeps saying i 'hacked'. LOL. Packet. Notes. Watched Elizabeth. The movie is so interesting. :D

Homeroom, read.

Gym, had a sub so i halfdressed. Layed down on the grass for a while. Sunbathing with Carmen, Jacky, Paulo, and Garrett. Then Cubales made us walk a bit so i walked with Vicente and Jacky. At one point, while debating over our weight issues, i jumped on Vicente's back and he just spun around. I was so scared. Then Paulo told him to run and he sprinted with me on his back. I was screaming the whole time. Eventually, he put me down and was like "That's what she said." Everyone was staring too. GODDAMN. LOL. Not gonna lie though, it was fun.(: I like guys giving me piggyback rides no matter how many times i tell them to stop or let me down. Shh.(: Aha, then just hung out with Dennis and kept him company. Helluh sexual jokes. LOL. Then they played football. Told Vicente a bit about Sam.): Played football with Dennis and Seward. Well, i didn't really play. I just screamed when the ball came to me and Dennis caught them. I threw once. Failest thing ever. LMFAO.

Lunch, went out to the quad then went to GSA. First one there, awkward. Then more people came and yeah. Discussed stuff. He came out to us. Went back downstairs. Talked to Bryan a little. He taught me how to tie a tie. Kinda funky, but it works. Went over to talk to Kelly and Tyler. Talked with them the rest of the lunch.

Holaday, took notes. Did homework. Read, took a quiz cause we were being 'bad'. Read my book and suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, i saw something run by. I looked and there was a mouse there. I watched it for a while and told Ali. Then the ghetto guy who was asleep next to me went like "MOUSE?!" and jumped up. He looked and when he saw it, he ran to the other side of the room. LMFAO. Ghetto people afraid of little mousies. Damn, it was kinda cute too. I don't know why people are so afraid. I mean, last time i saw a dead one. It was cute but it was sad.

Gonzo, took the benchmark quiz/test. Pinched Wilson and Andy's nipples cause they were trying to throw eraser pieces at me. Andy screamed like a little girl and ran away. WOW. LOL. Forced Bryan and Paulo to come with me to the busstop. "Bryan, let's go." "But what do i do afteer? I don't wanna be alone." "PAULO! Come with us." They actually listen to me. :D Got on the bus with them. OoS. Jose is kinda annoying. Sorry, you're trying too hard. Talked to ChristianR a little about the Denman kids. Yeah.

Had a little popquiz. Sat with ChristianR. I just waited for the answers. I got like one correct. LOL. Got into groups. Kahlil, Jesse, Harry, and Jose. I'm the only girl. XD Messed around on the piano. Recorded highhat, snare, and shaker. Yee. My group is pretty fun this time. Messed around. Got raped by Kahlil. LOL, this boy, i swear. Weirdest, most spontaneous person i have ever met. He just yelled "SEXSEXSEX." and pushed me on the table. LOLOL.

Break, ate a little. Me and Christian always get separated because we act like little kids.xD And that freshman girl separates us. Man, no one knows her name. But apparently, she knows all our names. LOL. And she keeps cockblocking me and Christian. Anyway, we argued about how he didn't even notice i was gone over the summer. "You left me!" "You didn't even notice i was gone!" "But i noticed later on and i missed you." "NO! You are a liar. You don't care. You didn't even know i left!" -dramatic exit- LOL.

Recorded bongos. Mhm. Time went by pretty fast. Uhm, went back up with the girl cockblocking me and Christian. Every always does that, i swear. I guess our little kidness is annoying.xD But that's what happens when you put us together. A lot of arguing, laughing, messing around, ect. Sorry if its too much for you guys. LOL. Walked to the busstop with them. Christian took the 29 but i was too lazy to walk across the street so i waited with Mimi. Gossiped a little. LOL. Took the 8x. Mom picked me up. Yeah.

"You're trying too hard to be my friend."

I know, he gets mad at me all the time. That's fine. I don't let it ruin my night.

I didn't mean that.
I really mean that.

Better days.(:

Whole day, took PSATs. Eh. Lunch was pretty fun. Hung out with Jesus(Louis), Dean, Bryan, ect. Pretty funny. I asked if ballsacks got hard and they were like -___-. LOL. Laughed quite a bit.(:

Gonzo, did make up work. Changed my grade from a C+ to a B.

Afterschool, walked with Carmen and Tyler. Made fun of Tyler and his job/his boss. LOL. Took the 29. Helluh hot and crowded.-__- Got to OoS. Tackled Christian. Got supplies. Cut out the words. They really shouldn't trustme with a knife of any sharp object but.. LOL. Went outside and spent helluh long making the letters straight. It's not like they will care, goddamn. -__- Made Christian do most of the work.xD

Prepared food. Saw Francisco coming and called my mom to pick me up. Um, meeting. Finished our poster. First ones. We kept messing up. And i failed at writing because my fucking writing slants up helluh. Apparently, i have really high self esteem. Go figure. LOL. Went to break. Stacy said hi to me. O__O Talked to Freddie.

Class, did the bench game. Freddie made me go first. The girl with the weird bangs tried to get me off. Ha, failed. Then Eli came up and i was like OHGAWD. Of course, he asked me out and then sniffed me. I was outta there in a second!xD Crap, they keep poking me though. So i keep squirming and screaming and Freddie is telling us to shut up. I ended up having to move to the other side of the room for a while to avoid their pokes.xD

Then did a writing exercise. Eli drew a picture of me. LOLOL. Loser. Talked about that lady on Mission st that's always hunched over and shiet. Ahaha. Talked about how I'd die if i was at an all girls school cause i really don't get along with girls. Stood with Christian while waiting for my mom.(: LOL, my mom is so awkward. Went home. Yeah. I'll post Eli's picture for ya'll.(:

"Choke on the drama that makes me want to."

Messed up my finger.

So I'm almost done with my powerpoint so I'm blogging in the computer lab. I could continue in Gonoz's class on my itouch but this is easier. Omg, Ms.Cossick and her TA are like right next to me. .__. Let me start by saying, I am so in love with the sun and the weather. I'm not even kidding. I love it so much. If only every day could be this amazing. I was hella energetic this morning cause i actually woke up early and on time so i had more time to get awake. I was so energetic and hyper.

Before school, heard some freshmen talking about some shit like "Who the fuck dies from playing football?" Someone actually did, assholes. I just turned and glared at them. Sorry, Sam, for ignorant freshmen like these.
First period though, Beliz made me tired again. She sucks at teaching so badly. Ugh.

Gym, sweaty. It's the only thing i don't like about the sun. Sweat.

Homeroom, read.

Bio, ate and had mini quizes. Easy. I swear, this class is so stupid.

Lunch, talked and stuff. It was funny cause i was talking to Jason and Jeremy and Jason asked me what dick i liked better, Black or White. I said Gray and they were laughing and i finally understood they thought i was talking about Mr.Gray. LOLOL. It took a while for me to understand. "You brought this onto yourself!" then it turned to me bringing Mr.Gray onto myself. Duckduckgoose! :D All the boys are so scared of me. LOL.

Now I'm in Cossick. Man, that was fast blogging. I guess I'll blog next period as i go then.

Gonzolez, man he always sweats so much. Imagine him on a hot day like today. Gross. .__. Did 3-variable equations. Kind of confusing.

Afterschool, Mimi told me she was skipping OoS. Walked with Paulo and Jason to the busstop. Took the 54. Hella crowded and hot. Sat outside with my class organizing the drums. Played on the chimbao cause i haven't played in a long time so yeah. I forgot how much it hurts. So we were playing a simple Bass, slapslap - pattern. As we were playing the break, i hit my left hand on the drum a little too hard with my middle finger leading down so it stung like a bitch. I checked it out and it seemed like the vein got really bruised and swollen. We had to play in front of little 8th graders. One of them was rude as fuck too. "Your music is weak." and shit so Alfie put him in his place and we kicked it up. "I listen to metal." STFUU. Jesus.

So anyway, i couldn't play with my left hand after that so i just tapped the drum. Apparently, i popped a blood vessel. Never happened before but okay, this is kinda cool. It kinda killed it because besides Alfie, i was the one leading it cause i wasn't a beginner. Hella made fun of the 8th graders with ..that girl. I don't remember your name! Sorry.

Break, ate cookies. :D The boys were messing with me and making fun of me. It was hilarious though. Except Jose. He's still kinda awkward. He can be really annoying sometimes. Urg. Keeps saying i bully him. I don't! -__- I like how Christian says "Nooooo." when i say I'm 2 years younger than him. He counts the days. Ahem, pedo.(; Went back and played the middle. Went outside but some lady told us they were having a meeting. Went back in. Handdrums a little more. The girl kept telling Christian to stop bothering me. She sat between us and broke up our little fights. LOLOL. Played middle a bit then played the snare. Paublo tried to make me play the hip. I'm not comfortable with that. It's so loud. LOL.

Snare with Christiaan! :D I think i finally got it but the girl didn't really. I even got the roll this time. It's after three measures. Yeah? Yeah! :D Sad for me, i only spent a tiny amount of time on the snare. At least i got it though. I'm proud. Waited for the bus with Christina. Rape Alley! LOLOL. Embarrassed Paublo. "OMG HAI PAUBLO. I LOVE YOUUUUU." LOLOL. He just shook his head at us. LOLOL. Took the 29. Took the 14. Mhm.

Good day. I had a good feeling about it since the start. And thanks everyone for caring about my finger. I am currently avoiding using it. Especially you. Thanks for caring.(:

"Tell me what it takes to get to you."

Mexican nightmares &Pho(:

Woke up from a mini nightmare about Mexicans trying to shoot me, Christian, Jessica, and Stacy. Stacy's dumbass opened the door for them while they were screaming "YO TENGO UN BURRITO!" and started shooting everywhere. I thought i was going to die. Then they kidnapped the other Jessica and left.. Then me and Christian were talking about it and i woke up. O__O So today, i was going to Mimi's house at 12. Mhm. She picked me up, went to Safeway. Back to her house and gossiped. Talked to her lover. LMFAO. He thinks I'm cool though he barely knows me. Ate pho. :D Went back upstairs and got bored so we did monologues. Spent hella long laughing in the beginning.

More monologues. Whatelse? Googled random shit. Took pictures. Hella retarded. LOL. Found out we don't have aa meeting tomorrow. :D I got so happy, i started humping everything. I don't even know.. LOL. Then when i finally settled down, i was like "What was i so happy about again? It's not that big of a deal.." LOL. Ate icecream. Read random shit then left.

Ate outside with the family cause it makes my mommy happy. Then painted my nails and talked to Grandpa about the time we were on TV. I was in the audience, i didn't even talk. And he was still so excited about it. Asking when the next time we would be on tv again and stuff. Haha, cute.xD

Played Volleyball with my sister cause i felt like it. Ran a bit. Hella hot when i came back. Ew. Degrassi now cause I'm obsessed.(: LOL. No homework tonight, i hope.

"You can sit beside me when the world comes down."

..

I'm not sure what I'm feeling or.. not feeling. I mean, my heart still pounds in my chest when you talk to me. Did you know I smile like an idiot during our little chats? I still hold on to every word you say, even when you're joking. Your smile is amazing. And hugging you is the highlight of my day. But something is different this time. Something is missing. Maybe its hesitation. Last time, i gave you my heart and you threw it away like it was nothing. You didn't care. This time, I'm afraid. I don't want to feel that kind of pain anymore. I'm unwilling to give my heart out anymore. You were the first person that actually had it and you practically threw it on the floor and stomped on it even if you promised you wouldn't. You're still the most amazing person i know.

I don't understand myself at all.

After work.(:

I look like a mess after a long day of school and work but it's okay. Productive day. :D

LOL at my bangs. .__. But my eyes look kinda big here.(:

Revelations.

So i went to the dentist today and my mom went to the doctor. After, we went to ABC together and she told me and my sister something out that she kept a secret for a whole year. I don't know what to make of the news. Honestly, I'm scared to death. Suddenly, small things that used to bother me don't anymore. A bad grade, annoying girls, heartless boys, those seem not so bad. I learned from Sam's death that life is precious and so fragile. But then again, i never knew him. But this time, it's my mom's life that may be in danger. She didn't go to the doctor to confirm it because she was afraid. She wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening. And this is what I'm trying to do. Thanks for trying to protect me- and everyone else- from it.

You asked me if i even cared and if it scared me. It does. I don't know how to express that. So i kept a poker face and tried to be strong for you. The last thing we need is to break down in public, in front of everyone. Everything else you said, i tuned it out. I didn't care about your customers, i didn't care about your friends, i couldn't stop my mind from wandering. That's when you started joking about how what if they confirmed it but you had to die because you were a year late and because of you not going to the doctors last year, it'd cost you your life. Then you laughed. It was a forced, painful laugh that brought tears to my eyes.

I know nothing's certain now except that somethings not right. It could be something small. But it could be cancer. And I'm so scared. What would a little girl like me do without her mom? Grandpa and grandma are too old. Dad's useless. My uncles and unties couldn't care less bout anyone but themselves. It all makes sense now. Your rush to buy a house. Your rush to get life insurance 'in case' something happens, we'll be protected. Your rush to save money and to travel everywhere. Your need to try to spend time with us. I get it now.

And all the guilt hits me. It slaps me across the face. I barely see you. And when i do, i bitch and cause you even more trouble. I get so mad, I'd wish you would die. I said that my life would be so much easier. It wouldn't be. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a spoiled brat. I'm sorry for being such a bitch. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I'm sorry for not being the perfect daughter you deserve. I would take it all back if i could. I need you. Teresa needs you. Grandma and grandpa need you. Please let there be nothing wrong. I need help now more than ever. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act. But i am going to be a better person. I'm going to try my hardest at everything i do. I'm going to try to smile more and stop getting upset because of little things. For me. For you.

I know i don't usually tell you this. I don't say it enough- if ever- but I love you, mom. Keep fighting. Stay strong.

OoS feels more and more like home.

So today was pretty good. Woke up on time. Made my lunch. Got ready. Ate. Pretty late cause Teresa always forgets something.-__-

Beliz, her husband was subbing for her! He's so tall. Reviewed history stuff with Sean a little. Funny.

History, freaked out over the test but we got 10 minutes to study. I think I did okay. .__.

Homeroom, read.

Gym, turned in Gilbert's homework for him. Got bitched at because the class didn't do hw. Made us run 2 laps. She acts like all of us didn't do it. Ran with Carmen. Told her and Andy Sam's story cause Andy mentioned wanting to play football. RIP. Yesterday i had to play with the preps. .__. Today, i played with Andy, Garrett, and Carmen. Let me tell you, today was a million times better! It was hella funny because Andy hit Ms.Glassman's crotch. LOLOLOL! And he didn't even know until we told him.xD Hella funny. Made my day!

Lunch, not much.

Holaday, experiment. Not too stupid group. LOL.

Cossick, computer lab. Finished 16/18 slides of my project. Pretty good. Sat with JasonWang. Cossick told me to apply to be a tutor cause i was doing really good in her class but i explained my schedule to her and how I'm not the best choice for it. .__. I guess it means she thinks I'm smart though.

Afterschool, went to girls locker room to get my clothes and went outside. Went to Hawaiian with Mimi so she could get food then took the bus to OoS. Chilled for a bit then went outside to paint. Talked shit. LOL. Not as fun cause we couldn't slack of as much since Amy was there but still good. Funny how we act like little kids, but we must be some really perverted kids. LOL. Throwing "That's what she said!" jokes almost every time someone speaks. But we got the job done. Now one more painting session and we should be done. Went with Christian to put the ladder back. It's heavy so he held it.(: I hold doors open for the lady.(; I'm so smooth, i open doors and they won't open so i have to open the one next to it. LOL.

Christian carried me back.:D LOL. Washed brushes and chilled in the kiitchen for a bit. Ate chips and drank lemonade. Christian played some Mayday Parade by my request.<3 I love Mayday Parade.(: Whatelse. Chilled more in the living room. Looked at peoples binders and argued about our groups in Music Producing class. I want Alfie! You can have Mark!): We got the sucky group. LOLOL. And i don't notice so many people that's in our class.. I guess I'm too caught up with my boys, i haven't payed attention to any of the new people. Eh.

Mimi left and Claudia came in. She talked a little then left. Me and Christian talked more about the people in our class. I tried to be an "Innocent Jessica" but i couldn't. Man, Christian needs to stop being so makefun-able and hittable. Decided we should go. Ditched him for the 29. Waited for the 14 then went home.

Now i feel.. confused. Awkward. Tired. Yeah. So goodnight.(:

"A thousand days to her that didn't mean a thing."

I actually learned something in music producing today!

I'm currently studying for Houston. Or trying to. School was nothing important so let's just talk about OoS. Oh but Mimi matched with me again. -__- Seriously. It's unintentional. Lunch, told Paulo and Bryan about the whole Stacy situation. Talked about how I'm not like a girl because i talk about penises, pinch people's nipples, burp in peoples faces, and am just guyish. LOLOL. I'm far from offended though. :D

Got there kinda late. Split into two groups having to work on a simple sound track Mark gave us and we had to add too it. Our group only had three people, including me. I wasn't even close to any of them. I mean, i haven't even spoken to them before. All the good people were inside.-__- But the outside one sounded easier! LOL. That's what i get for taking the easy way out.

We spent forever trying to find a kickdrum for it but we finally got it right, with a lot of help from Mark. That dude, Harry, he recorded on the high hat. And the girl, fuck. I'm so bad with names. She did the snare. 3-2 rhythm. We spent hella long on that. Rerecording and everything. I learned a lot today though. More than i've learned all the other times. It's getting better. I guess Claudia was right, that it'd get better once we start working on something ourselves. I mean, it's not the kind of music i like but it doesn't sound too horrible. We're far from finished but we're getting on the right track. Theirs is sounding really good though.D: They have good drummers, guitars, and just more people. My group was better than i thought though. I underestimated them. But the other group seems to be having more fun.

Breaak was good. We always go out first so we try to snag all the food. Chips and donut holes.<3 Complained to Christian about how there would be no more chips cause they poured like so much in today and yesterday.D: Once the other classes come out, there's no more food.-__- Yeah, i kinda put the second half of the class above so yeah. Afterschool, left with Mimi. Christian left for work. Called my mom to pick me up at Mission and Geneva cause Fransisco was there. Lucky too cause he was right there when i was running across the street to my mom. Oh and saw Evan and Edmond going on the 8x. I swear, its so ironic how i still see them.xD

"I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds. Towering over your head."

Save the drama for yo mama.

Woke up from a haunting dream about Sam. I don't even know why. I never even met him buy still. .__. Actually woke up on time today. Made my lunch then got ready. Walked to school with Carmen, Erica, and Terrence.

Spanish, learned about present tense. She teaches bad. Ate my grapes. Finished reading Cossick's thing.

History. Took notes. I just messed around with my bracelet. Mini rainbows everywhere. :D

Homeroom, Baltv. Read my book. Learned some French from Cary &Dayana.

Cossick, probably failed her test even though everyone thinks I'm the smartest one at the table and I'm gonna ace it. Sike. The other As were just luck. LOL. I know i got number 2 wrong. -__-

Lunch, sat. Slapped KevinP cause he kept callin me emo and I was already irritated. Punched Jason in the balls cause him begging for food is so annoying. It seemed like Mimi was the one PMSing instead of me. LOLL hella bitched at people. Cramps. -__- Funny how they went away after I hugged Jammy.(: Cute, haha.

I'm currently in Gonzo's class. Ate my sandwich cause no cramps anymore. Currently taking notes while blogging. I'm good. :D Stop trying to flirt with me, Jasmine! "Stop. Not interested!" then her smartass insulted herself asking "Who would be?" LOOL. Accidentally poked her boob. .__. I have really bad aim. LOL. 15 more minutes of class so there's nothin totally interesting that's going to happen. I'll blog about my meeting and Theater at home.

Afterschool, walked with Mimi and Jammy. Smelled like shit so he ran across the street. .__. LOL. Talked to Mimi's lover. LMFAO. Apparently, shes a grammar nazi now and my screenname for AIM is some hellokitty shit. LMAO. He's so easy to lie to. OoS, basically hung out for the first half hour. Ate and listened to my ipod. Christian loves Remembering Sunday- All Time Low as much as me. OMGGG, you're cool!(: Amazing song. Went outside and painted. Actually, i barely painted. Held the ladder for Christian. "Give it to me!!" LMFAO. So sexual. .__. Mimi's paint kept dripping everywhere.-__- Eventually gave up and went in and out getting 'poop' to eat and had to feed it to him because his hands were occupied. .__. LOL. Christian is hella a pedo. "I'm counting the day's 'till you're 18." LMFAO! Pedo!

Made jokes about everything. "GO AWAY!" then we started saying things we learned in Theater class.xD Funny. And people keep asking why we act like 5year olds. "No, I'm acting like a 6 year old!" Why do people keep saying 5? LOL. Why not 6 or 7? D: But we can be mature when we need to. Most of the time. LOL. But Amy had to come out to tell us to stop swearing so much. Put me, Christian, and Mimi together and you get sexual shit, stupid jokes, a lot of 'arguing', hitting, and a lot of laughs. We still get our work done. Messily and slowly. But.. LMFAO THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! Anyway.(:

They painted more and Stacy came. Then she left. After that, we had to clean the shits. Almost good as new cause i had to peel the dried paint off. Eww. .__. LOL. Whatelse.. Other people started coming. Mimi called me so i went out to find her but Francisco walked in and almost bumped into me and i knew the reason she was calling me. .__. LOL. Went to the meeting thing. Paired with Lick kids. Arg. I don't like this!-__-

After that, we walked SLOWLY back to class. When we went in, they were watching a video. Secret poking each other while watching. LOL. Not cool cause my reaction is hella obvious. Lunch. I jumped on Christian and he was throwing me up and running up the stairs with me. Made me hit myself. Hella scary. LOL. The girls were all whispering with Stacy all teary eyed and stupid. Wow. Apparently, i did something to her to make her cry. I don't even know what. Had poking war outside with Christian, Mireya, and Eli. WTF, at some point, they all ganged up on me. Not cool!)': LOLOL. Then Rebecca, Stacy, and Jessica kept gossiping. Obviously about me. They were all glaring and staring and shiet. Okay, i didn't know what i did to her but..

Then eventually she was talking so loud, she was talking about how she overheard everything i said about her, which isn't bad compared to what we say about other people. What did i say about her? I don't even remember. LOL. But she's having a bitchfit about it and trying to turn the girls against me. Guess what, i don't care. Today was Rebecca's last day for good and Jessica's going away on vacation. What are you gonna do while they're gone? Everyone else is closer to me. Ha. You should've thought out your little plan. I overheard you planned to skip class until Jessica gets back. Oh, LOL. Pussy. Played with Eli's hair. he had hella shit in there cause he was laying on the grass with Christian. LOLOOOL. Their manly love is so cute. And disturbing. In class, i was quiet cause Christian left until Eli came over. Played with his hair. It's so bouncy. :DD Then talked about the final performance. Jessica and Rebecca decided to talk to me a bit. Wow, lol. Well, as long as we're all being fake..(: They kept talking about how Stacy was trying to confront me but was too scared. WOW. Come on and do it already. I'm curious to know what i did to make you cry. Maybe i could do it again! LOLjk. But really.

So i was booty bumping Christian then Eli came and squished me in the middle of them and grinded against me. I felt so.. LMFAO. I just stood there while Eli was like grinding against me. So disturbing! LOLOL. Everyone's like "Poor Jessica." LOL. You crazy boys! :D Went upstairs, hugged Mireya. I didn't see that she wanted a hug and i turned around, rejecting her. LOL sorry! I didn't see.xD After, my mommy picked me up.(:

Good day despite the drama.(:

"Too late, baby, there's no turning around. I got my hands in my pocket and my head in the clouds. This is how i do, when i think about you."

It's fucking hilarious how every time you talk to me, you manage to bring me to tears. And all that I've been holding in just rushes out.

Maybe i should stop lying to myself. I miss you so much. And my loves not fading.

Better days. :D

I forgot this part on my blog on Sunday. So when we were picking up trash, we walked by the stage to this okay looking boy beasting on his guitar. That, of course, made me squeal like a fangirl. Then Mimi pointed out how he was out of our league cause he was on stage and we were picking up garbage. T__T LOLOL. And he kept staring at us when Mimi said that he wasn't bad looking and walked by him. LOOOOL. Then another time was i saw people playing so i ran over to them going like "OOOOH GUITARISTS." turns out, they were in masks so i was like "Forget it!" and we left. LOL. That reminds me of the time when i saw shirtless guys at Lick and was like "OMGGG." -stares- and the time in China where we were wondering in some mall and a screen came up showing male models. I was like "OMG, MALE MODELS!" -stares- and my mom was like "Jessica Ling!-__-" LOLOL.

Okay so today was a fairly good day. Woke up late again. Didn't do anything to my hair. .__. Ate mashed potatoes. School. Beliz, ate grapes. Read my book.

Gym, getting really annoyed of Janet always having to borrow my sweats. -__- Played tennis. Then pretended to play. Ugh.

Homeroom, read.

Holaday, ate my lunch, notes, did homework, read. Jason said i finally looked happy today. Ahahaa.

Lunch, i fail at being a girl. Talked about sexual shit the whole time. Cum.. LOL.

Cossick, don't remember. Not much.

Gonzo, nothing special.

Afterschool, walked with Andy and Kelly to the busstop. I was trying to go on other busses but Andy was begging me to take the 54 with him. I don't like the 54, it turns!): But i took it with him anywaay. I made fun of his shortness and he said i was 'buff'. Teaase. LOL. Got to OoS. Went in the kitchen with Claudia and Mimi told me my class left. .__. Ran down and Alfie was coming out saying he left some stuff. So i took my time and when i went back up, i couldn't find them anymore. Then Khalil came and we both couldn't find them. -__- Then they suddenly appeared downstairs and we ran to join them. WTH. LOL. Played the shakers first. Agh, solo. Hella hard for me going first. .__.

Then played the middle with he srtap across your shoulder. Let me tell you, that shit hurts like hell. Not at first, but after about 10 minutes, your shoulder starts giving out because the middle is heavy enough as it is, but you have to hit it, therefore constantly pulling ll weight on one shoulder. It just hurts so bad. .__. Complained about it and Christian and Alfie heard it. He told me to put it on my left shoulder when I'm playing with my right hand. Christian just agreed that it hurt like a biatch and offered to trade drums when we got back from break. :D

Break was fun. Ate hella donut holes when we got out since we were first. But once the other people came, they just scooped it up and shit and took all of it. It was gone in an instant. .__. Played that game where you put your hand on a surface and stab the gaps in your hand. My hands are hella small so i kept stabbing myself. -__- But i still kept doing it. Fail. LOL. Then sharpied all over Jose. :D I just like messing with him. Otherwise, he's eh. He's awkward. He'd make a comment that's not even funny then start chuckling and we're just like ...lol... And he kept missing his fucking note on the one! Annoyed me half to death. Made me wanna go like "FUCKTHIS. I'll play. Fuckyou. Get off." But i kept my cool.. Anyway, the boys all ganged up and started messing with me. Why is it always me?! Not that i have a problem with it since its you guys but still. LOLOL.

Anyway, went back in and played the snaree. I love the feeling that I'm getting better and better every time i play. Last year, i hated the snare. I hated the hips. I didn't like the middle or bass either but it was all i could play. This year, I'm starting to fall in love with the snare. In fact, i think i already fell. It's pretty amazing. Maybe cause I'm getting better. Maybe because i just am less self conscious of mess ups because I'm not the newbie anymore. Either way, i love to play the snare the most out of anything else now. Even if it does hurt my crotch sometimes. LMFAO. And my arm gets so tired and sore.xD Greeat practice. Felt like throwing up after. .__. Not good, but yeah. LOL.

Left with Mimi. Messed around with Christian and he said "That's how Sam died." when i pushed him then stumbled backwards, almost losing my footing on the brick thing. Told him it wasn't cool to joke about that so quick. Talked about our nonstop meetings. Christian thinks this is the last week of them. Got on the bus with then. Mimi's soulmate left for some reason. O__O Talked about hot teachers at CAT. LOL. And how i fail at being a girl because i don't even have that much girl friends. I'm not sure if i can even count up to 5 of them. .__. Christian asked about the theater people and i mean, sure. They haven't been with me very long but they're decent people and most of them are fun to be around. But Becca's leaving forever and Jessica is leaving for a little while. Christian told me the reason why. So many deaths lately. -__-

Took the 14 home and yeah. Drumming is my high. Maybe not as strong as before but the passion is taking it's place so it's all good.

"No one is harder on me than myself."

Okay day.

Today was pretty decent even though there were a lot of .. flaws? I don't know.

Woke up late, got ready quickly, didn't do hair. Ate a donut. Packed lunch. School. Houston, filled out packet. Practice quiz. Then watched more of Elizabeth. Interesting.(: This class is still pretty annoying.

Gym, walked and talked to Vicente. Yep. Fun period. 'Raped' the freshman. :D

Homeroom, ate grapes and finished my book.

Holoday, ate my sandwich and did notes. Finished the due homework and the homework due the next day. :D Jason said that i looked unhappy. O__O Don't i always look like that in her class? LOL. I don't like her class. .__.

Lunch, stayed outside. Kinda annoyed because Kelvin kept touching me. GTFO. Brian kept asking why i looked sad/tired. I just wanted class to start.

Cossick, went to the third floor then JeremyL told us we had to go to the library. -___- Sigh. LOL. I got through like 7 slides of my powerpoint. :D It's cause i overachieved and filled out my web for it last night.

Gonzo, got my tests back. Pretty good. 9/10. 4/5. Pretty good. Laughed with Jasmine and made fun of Liying. Cheeks hurted.

Afterschool, walked and talked with AndyT. Took the 54 with him. Got to OoS and it was all dark. The lights were turned off and it was silent. Stacy and Becca were outside whispering and Becca was like "Jessica's coming." and she's just like "Ohmygod. Thanks for telling me." Wow. You really think that's the most important thing on my mind? Knowing about your ohso perfect life and your cute little secrets? No. Throughout the day, she kept mentioning the secret and how she couldn't tell me cause i knew the guy she was talking about. She eventually told me it was Bryan, which wasn't a surprise. I couldn't care less, really.

In class, everyone was talking bout Sam's accident. It was all tense and sad. The only person who ws like giggling and smiling was Stacy. Wow, can you not be serious for even a moment? We were talking about something serious. Then when it was her turn to check in, she got all happy and excited. Sickens me. LOL. Did activities. Laughed cause we were basically groaning and humping the air. We eventually got kicked out and had to go to the other room because they had a meeting in there.

Did mini improv skits with our piece of clothing. Once with words and once without. Eli's was funny cause he moved with the music. Probably the biggest laugh i had the whole day. Christian's was just creepy.xD Break was short. Ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly mini sandwiches. :D They had donut holes too. :DD Our wall fell down so i had to redo it. It was hella wrinkly and ugly.): Then went outside and talked about how we were all wearing green in memory of him. I didn't even know. Coincidence, i guess. Wrote our poems. Didn't want to read mine. LOL. Stacy was annoying me today. When she joked about cutting and being emo, i was just like WOW STFU and gave her a dirty look. I swear, she keeps staring at me. She even said "You're so lucky, Jessica." and when i asked how, she's just like "Nevermind." I'd like to know how I'm lucky. O__O

Afterclass, Stacy kept asking about Christian's girlfriend. Just to make sure. LOL. He wouldn't say her name though. Then Christian grabbed my arms and wouldn't let me go. Freddie wouldn't even help me, he just watched. LOL. When he finally let go, i walked down with Stacy going on about how she can't tell me her secret.
I. Don't. Care. Wowww. Then stayed with Becca for a while just talking about baseball and Sam. Wednesday is her last day at OoS!)': Cause she got a job and her mom isn't letting her do both. Awww.): Saw the 88 and had to leave.

Everyone is asking me if I'm okay. I didn't even know him personally. Everyone in CAT deserves a big hug and everything. It's hitting them all pretty hard.

Every time i feel like I'm letting go, i talk to you and it's like all the bad feelings go away. One step forward, two steps back. .__. Being 'friends' is better than nothing, i guess. But it's harder than i thought it'd be. With you, especially.

"You're beautiful and you don't even try."