..

I'm not sure what I'm feeling or.. not feeling. I mean, my heart still pounds in my chest when you talk to me. Did you know I smile like an idiot during our little chats? I still hold on to every word you say, even when you're joking. Your smile is amazing. And hugging you is the highlight of my day. But something is different this time. Something is missing. Maybe its hesitation. Last time, i gave you my heart and you threw it away like it was nothing. You didn't care. This time, I'm afraid. I don't want to feel that kind of pain anymore. I'm unwilling to give my heart out anymore. You were the first person that actually had it and you practically threw it on the floor and stomped on it even if you promised you wouldn't. You're still the most amazing person i know.

I don't understand myself at all.