To be with you again?
I'm gonna tell you that i love you, in the best way that i can.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Oh, mom.
I like how one minute my mom tells me that I'm ugly and blahblahblah is prettier than me. And I'm just like "Alright, i know." and then the next minute, she says she's gonna enter me in those model pagent thingies when I'm 16. If I'm so ugly, what's the point of entering? LMFAO, sillygirl. I'd never win. Those girls are talented in real things. I don't know what I'd say if they told me to talk about myself. I'm too different to be in those contests. You of all people should know how I am. I hate going out in public. I love to sleep all day and dig for food at night. I hate going out because of the possibility of seeing someone i know. I just.. I wouldn't stand a chance against those girls who cover themselves up in makeup. Eyeliner is my best friend. And even that, I barely use. Those girls probably are part of something bigger. They're probably accepted, and they fit in. Me? I would stand out so fucking bad, it wouldn't even be funny.
So let's not embarrass me and you in front of the world. I know i used to dream of entering. That was when i was more normal. I actually thought that i would have a small chance of even getting in, let alone competing with all the other beautiful girls. They're beauty queens, mom. Their world is totally different than mine.
So let's not embarrass me and you in front of the world. I know i used to dream of entering. That was when i was more normal. I actually thought that i would have a small chance of even getting in, let alone competing with all the other beautiful girls. They're beauty queens, mom. Their world is totally different than mine.
Goodnight(:
It's 5am and I'm finally gonna sleep. And I thought I'd sleep early tonight. LOL. Well, it's an hour earlier than most days xD
Someone should really pull an all nighter with me. If you can. Preferable someone who sleeps insanely late already. LOL(: We'd just talk till the morning. You'd be my new bff, i swear. :D If anyone wants to, hit me up forsure.(:
Alrighty. Goodnight world. Goodnight my fellow insomniacs.(;
Someone should really pull an all nighter with me. If you can. Preferable someone who sleeps insanely late already. LOL(: We'd just talk till the morning. You'd be my new bff, i swear. :D If anyone wants to, hit me up forsure.(:
Alrighty. Goodnight world. Goodnight my fellow insomniacs.(;
3rd Period, Srta.Ballard-Hanson.
Dear third period,
Ohgod. This class. This class was probably one of the most boring classes i ever had. That has nothing to do with you, Srta.BH. You tried to make class fun. And in the beginning, i used to be SO excited for this class. But i didn't know anyone there except for Kelly. And you didn't even put me with her. I didn't really talk to Sean and i met Sophia later on. Well, the reason your class was boring was because there were mostly Sophomores in there and i had no one to talk to. But you were the best teacher ever. You actually care about your students, i know that's true because after you had the concussion, you still came to school because you promised to take one of your periods to the taqueria. You should've stayed home to rest. But you wanted to be here for support for our finals. You're a really great teacher.
To be honest, i kind of dreaded going to your class everyday.-__- Its honestly not you though. Something about the class bored me so badly. But you're the best teacher i could ever ask for. Really. Maybe if more people i know had the class with me, it'd be better. But you were an excellent teacher. I can tell that next year's Spanish teacher wouldn't be as cool as you. I hope it's enjoyable. But i can't wait to have your class again!(:
I don't remember a favorite part in this class. I guess it was when me and Kelly sat near each other. And i don't know. She made the class more interesting and we wouldn't stop talking.xD I'd rate your class a 6.5/10.(:
JessicaLing(:
Ohgod. This class. This class was probably one of the most boring classes i ever had. That has nothing to do with you, Srta.BH. You tried to make class fun. And in the beginning, i used to be SO excited for this class. But i didn't know anyone there except for Kelly. And you didn't even put me with her. I didn't really talk to Sean and i met Sophia later on. Well, the reason your class was boring was because there were mostly Sophomores in there and i had no one to talk to. But you were the best teacher ever. You actually care about your students, i know that's true because after you had the concussion, you still came to school because you promised to take one of your periods to the taqueria. You should've stayed home to rest. But you wanted to be here for support for our finals. You're a really great teacher.
To be honest, i kind of dreaded going to your class everyday.-__- Its honestly not you though. Something about the class bored me so badly. But you're the best teacher i could ever ask for. Really. Maybe if more people i know had the class with me, it'd be better. But you were an excellent teacher. I can tell that next year's Spanish teacher wouldn't be as cool as you. I hope it's enjoyable. But i can't wait to have your class again!(:
I don't remember a favorite part in this class. I guess it was when me and Kelly sat near each other. And i don't know. She made the class more interesting and we wouldn't stop talking.xD I'd rate your class a 6.5/10.(:
JessicaLing(:
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wasting time.(:
This is going to be a survey that may take some time, but there are many new questions. Are you ready?
Sure.
Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Hmm.
Do you always care what you look like?
Not always.
What's your relationship with the last person you texted?
He's my friend? LOL
Do you listen to sad music when you are sad?
LOL. I listen to more hardcore music when I'm sad.xD
When your friends are in a bad mood, can you tell?
Usually.
Don't you hate it when people spell your name wrong?
It would take a dumbass to spell my name wrong.
Is there someone who makes you happy every time you talk to them?
Yessir.
Do you look at the keyboard when you type?
Usually, no.
Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word?
Depends who it is.
Are you keeping a big secret right now?
I don't know.
What was the last movie you watched?
Remember Me. Didn't finish it. Too boring. LOL.
Have you ever been called beautiful?
Yeah.(:
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
No.D:
Have you ever had a best friend?
Yes.
Are your lips chapped?
Nah.
Who did you last talk to before bed last night?
My sister and Bryan.
Have you ever had a pet goldfish?
Yeah.:/
Who's bed did you last lay in?
Mine.
If you were 12 and you could see yourself now, would you be disappointed?
Hmm. I don't think so.
Do you like to sleep?
Depends.
Did anything "cute" happen in the last week?
Uh.. No idea. LOL.
Do you find tattoos attractive on the opposite sex?
Oh FORSUREE.
You think people who do drugs are stupid?
Mostly.
Are you going to have a baby by the time you're 18?
I hope not.
Have you ever given out your number and then later regretted it?
Yeah. LOL
Is sex the most important thing in a relationship?
No sir.
What are you wearing on your feet?
Nada.
What do you wear more: jeans or sweats?
Jeans.
It's 12am, you wake up crying. You call?
I usually start to sleep at 12. But no one. LOL.
Excited for anything?
Chinaa.(:
Do you want someone back in your life?
Maybe.
Think back seven months ago, were you single?
Hmm. No?
Is it okay if you kiss people when you're single?
Yes. If you want to and if you're both single.
Who did you last talk to on the phone?
My mom?
One thing you want right now?
Ice cream.
Can you commit to one person?
Honestly, probably not. Not right now.
Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette?
No.
Wheres the person you have feelings for?
At home? I don't know.
How are you feeling at this exact moment?
Dizzy.
If you could make your lips bigger, would you?
Nah.
Did you have a good morning message today?
No.):
Who are you going to hang out with next weekend?
No cluee.
Do you find smoking unattractive?
Yeah.
What were you doing at 7:00 this morning?
woke myself up so I can talk to topher :3
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Of course.
Have you broken the law in the last 3 days?
Probably not. LOL.
How many years will it be before your ready to get married?
Maybe like 9 or 10..
Have you ever kissed someone who's name started with an R?
Hmm, no.
Who's the first person you texted today?
Bryan.:0
When was the last time something bothered you?
Now. Gay people get treated so horribly in some places.):
Was last night terrible?
Not really.
Do you miss your past?
Nope.
Do you have a hard time letting go?
Depends.
Do you think it's possible to remain friends after a break-up?
Yeah.
Do you have a bad attitude?
LOL nah.
What would you do if you were home alone and someone broke into your house?
Scream.. Hit then with a dumbell. Scream more. Run away and call the cops? LOL.
Sure.
Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Hmm.
Do you always care what you look like?
Not always.
What's your relationship with the last person you texted?
He's my friend? LOL
Do you listen to sad music when you are sad?
LOL. I listen to more hardcore music when I'm sad.xD
When your friends are in a bad mood, can you tell?
Usually.
Don't you hate it when people spell your name wrong?
It would take a dumbass to spell my name wrong.
Is there someone who makes you happy every time you talk to them?
Yessir.
Do you look at the keyboard when you type?
Usually, no.
Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word?
Depends who it is.
Are you keeping a big secret right now?
I don't know.
What was the last movie you watched?
Remember Me. Didn't finish it. Too boring. LOL.
Have you ever been called beautiful?
Yeah.(:
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
No.D:
Have you ever had a best friend?
Yes.
Are your lips chapped?
Nah.
Who did you last talk to before bed last night?
My sister and Bryan.
Have you ever had a pet goldfish?
Yeah.:/
Who's bed did you last lay in?
Mine.
If you were 12 and you could see yourself now, would you be disappointed?
Hmm. I don't think so.
Do you like to sleep?
Depends.
Did anything "cute" happen in the last week?
Uh.. No idea. LOL.
Do you find tattoos attractive on the opposite sex?
Oh FORSUREE.
You think people who do drugs are stupid?
Mostly.
Are you going to have a baby by the time you're 18?
I hope not.
Have you ever given out your number and then later regretted it?
Yeah. LOL
Is sex the most important thing in a relationship?
No sir.
What are you wearing on your feet?
Nada.
What do you wear more: jeans or sweats?
Jeans.
It's 12am, you wake up crying. You call?
I usually start to sleep at 12. But no one. LOL.
Excited for anything?
Chinaa.(:
Do you want someone back in your life?
Maybe.
Think back seven months ago, were you single?
Hmm. No?
Is it okay if you kiss people when you're single?
Yes. If you want to and if you're both single.
Who did you last talk to on the phone?
My mom?
One thing you want right now?
Ice cream.
Can you commit to one person?
Honestly, probably not. Not right now.
Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette?
No.
Wheres the person you have feelings for?
At home? I don't know.
How are you feeling at this exact moment?
Dizzy.
If you could make your lips bigger, would you?
Nah.
Did you have a good morning message today?
No.):
Who are you going to hang out with next weekend?
No cluee.
Do you find smoking unattractive?
Yeah.
What were you doing at 7:00 this morning?
woke myself up so I can talk to topher :3
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Of course.
Have you broken the law in the last 3 days?
Probably not. LOL.
How many years will it be before your ready to get married?
Maybe like 9 or 10..
Have you ever kissed someone who's name started with an R?
Hmm, no.
Who's the first person you texted today?
Bryan.:0
When was the last time something bothered you?
Now. Gay people get treated so horribly in some places.):
Was last night terrible?
Not really.
Do you miss your past?
Nope.
Do you have a hard time letting go?
Depends.
Do you think it's possible to remain friends after a break-up?
Yeah.
Do you have a bad attitude?
LOL nah.
What would you do if you were home alone and someone broke into your house?
Scream.. Hit then with a dumbell. Scream more. Run away and call the cops? LOL.
Not so weird dream.
My dream. Let's see which parts i remember. Cause it wasn't that interesting. First day of school. I didn't see him. I think that was mainly the purpose of my dream. LOL. At lunch, i went to I's group for some reason. They were playing like.. waterballoon shiet or something. Then i went to abuse O. Eventually found Mimi, Leslie, Cary, and Dayana and hung out with them. Me and Mimi had to give these keychain things to the people. It had their name, but not their last name. I had to watch a video about it and how to figure out who was who.
I decided to only pass it out to the guys. LOL. So i gave it to the guys that he usually hangs out with. But he wasn't there so i guess he left. Then we had to give out these posters to the girls. But there were no names on it. I saw one and asked if it was Kelly's. And it was. I know my wife so well.:D LOL. Then we left cause we couldn't figure out who it belonged to. So we left.. And i can't remember anything else.
I decided to only pass it out to the guys. LOL. So i gave it to the guys that he usually hangs out with. But he wasn't there so i guess he left. Then we had to give out these posters to the girls. But there were no names on it. I saw one and asked if it was Kelly's. And it was. I know my wife so well.:D LOL. Then we left cause we couldn't figure out who it belonged to. So we left.. And i can't remember anything else.
Sleeping pattern is fucked.
I need to stop sleeping at 6am. That's when i usually get up for school. LOL. Then i wake up around 4pm. I was gonna blog about my camerawhoring at 3am yesterday. LOOL. Forgot to.(:
Agh.
Our relationship has changed after the 'misunderstanding'. I just feel so unsure now. Our conversations are still great. I love talking to you. But it doesn't feel the same. There's always that hesitation and uncertainty there. At least for me. I don't feel like i can talk to you freely, whenever i want to. There's always second thoughts and really, it's driving me crazy. Maybe it's just summer taking it's toll on us. I really hope everything is the same. Or, i hope it will gradually be the same. I love you, but something about this is so off.
I don't know how you feel.. But i don't think i want to know.
I don't know how you feel.. But i don't think i want to know.
Monday, June 28, 2010
2nd period, Mr.Ellett.
Dear second period,
Well, this class. This class mostly bores the fuck out of me. In the beginning of the year, i was always super quiet. Then you moved me and Sophia to a table with Jason and Malaysia. Then we started talking more. And it got to the point where you eventually had to move me. Ahaha. Our table would always be the loudest because your class would be so goddamn quiet! And you would move me to Leslie's table. Blah. And you moved Malaysia too. Then i went back over there. And Patrick replaced her.
It was very fun. We would make fun of Patrick so much. Making fun of his race and shiet. And teaching him Chinese! That is just hilarious cause he actually says it better than other people. I remember once, i taught him how to say "I like to eat fried chicken." and he said it. The whole class started laughing. Of course they would understand cause they're all Asian. LOL.
What else can i say about your class? I never learned anything, really. Partly cause i didn't pay attention, partly cause you don't know how to teach. You never teach us how to do it. You never show us how to do it. You just give us problems and expect us to know how to. Bleh. Your class was a 6.5/10. Since i was usually looking at the clock.
JessicaLing(:
Well, this class. This class mostly bores the fuck out of me. In the beginning of the year, i was always super quiet. Then you moved me and Sophia to a table with Jason and Malaysia. Then we started talking more. And it got to the point where you eventually had to move me. Ahaha. Our table would always be the loudest because your class would be so goddamn quiet! And you would move me to Leslie's table. Blah. And you moved Malaysia too. Then i went back over there. And Patrick replaced her.
It was very fun. We would make fun of Patrick so much. Making fun of his race and shiet. And teaching him Chinese! That is just hilarious cause he actually says it better than other people. I remember once, i taught him how to say "I like to eat fried chicken." and he said it. The whole class started laughing. Of course they would understand cause they're all Asian. LOL.
What else can i say about your class? I never learned anything, really. Partly cause i didn't pay attention, partly cause you don't know how to teach. You never teach us how to do it. You never show us how to do it. You just give us problems and expect us to know how to. Bleh. Your class was a 6.5/10. Since i was usually looking at the clock.
JessicaLing(:
Jane Doe
I leaned against my car as i kept my eyes locked to this girl across the parking lot. She was sitting alone inside her car. It looked like she was reading something, her curly brown hair fell over her shoulders. Something about her..
"Are you even listening to me?" Rian accused.
"Yeah. Of course. But look at her." I pointed at the girl.
"Who is that?" He asked, uninterested.
"I don't know. But I'm about to find out.." I couldn't tear my eyes away from her.
"Dude, you're so creepy." He laughed. "You don't even know her and you look like you're hopelessly in love."
"I might be.. She can be my princess." I replied.
"..You don't even know her.." He repeated, looking at me weirdly.
"I can get to know her." I brushed him off.
"Are you hearing yourself right now? Dude.." I tuned him out, my mind lost in how to approach her.
I walked towards where she was as Rian patted me on the back. I could just imagine him shaking his head in disapproval, but i didn't care. I had to know why she was so appealing to me.
"Did it hurt?" I watched her slowly look up at me from her book. "When you fell from heaven.."
"Excuse me?" She blinked at me. Then she smiled and threw her head back in laughter. I smiled, not knowing what else to say. "But really. Can i help you with something?"
"I.. I just thought you were pretty." I smiled like a fool. She was more than pretty.
"Thank you." She smiled and her brown eyes sparkled. Oh god. Listen to me. This girl has turned me into some cool guy to a fool thinking he's in love. I don't even know this girl.
"Well, my name is-" I started.
"I don't want to know." She tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.
"Huh?" I asked in confusion. "Then can i know yours?"
"Nope." She grinned. This girl is driving me crazy. I have no idea what's going on inside her head.
"Well uh. Can i ask why not?" I raised one eyebrow.
"Listen, i have to go." She started her car. "But feel free to call me anytime." And just like that, she drove off.
"But I don't even have..your number.." I tried shouted after her. This girl was so weird. I adored her already.
"How'd it go, loverboy?" Rian laughed as i walked back to where he was watching.
"I don't know what the hell just happened.. But i think i lost my chance." I tried explaining to him.
"What's her name?" He smiled stupidly.
"She wouldn't say.." I said, suddenly breathless.
"That chick has problems." He stated, nodding.
"Shut up." I laughed and shoved him in the shoulder.
Thoughts of her flooded my mind once again. Her big brown eyes which matched her shiny hair. Her stunning smile which made me warm inside. Her voice, which sounded like an angels'. Most of all, i couldn't forget that laugh. Just thinking about it put a big smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach.
Oh, my Jane Doe.
"Are you even listening to me?" Rian accused.
"Yeah. Of course. But look at her." I pointed at the girl.
"Who is that?" He asked, uninterested.
"I don't know. But I'm about to find out.." I couldn't tear my eyes away from her.
"Dude, you're so creepy." He laughed. "You don't even know her and you look like you're hopelessly in love."
"I might be.. She can be my princess." I replied.
"..You don't even know her.." He repeated, looking at me weirdly.
"I can get to know her." I brushed him off.
"Are you hearing yourself right now? Dude.." I tuned him out, my mind lost in how to approach her.
I walked towards where she was as Rian patted me on the back. I could just imagine him shaking his head in disapproval, but i didn't care. I had to know why she was so appealing to me.
"Did it hurt?" I watched her slowly look up at me from her book. "When you fell from heaven.."
"Excuse me?" She blinked at me. Then she smiled and threw her head back in laughter. I smiled, not knowing what else to say. "But really. Can i help you with something?"
"I.. I just thought you were pretty." I smiled like a fool. She was more than pretty.
"Thank you." She smiled and her brown eyes sparkled. Oh god. Listen to me. This girl has turned me into some cool guy to a fool thinking he's in love. I don't even know this girl.
"Well, my name is-" I started.
"I don't want to know." She tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.
"Huh?" I asked in confusion. "Then can i know yours?"
"Nope." She grinned. This girl is driving me crazy. I have no idea what's going on inside her head.
"Well uh. Can i ask why not?" I raised one eyebrow.
"Listen, i have to go." She started her car. "But feel free to call me anytime." And just like that, she drove off.
"But I don't even have..your number.." I tried shouted after her. This girl was so weird. I adored her already.
"How'd it go, loverboy?" Rian laughed as i walked back to where he was watching.
"I don't know what the hell just happened.. But i think i lost my chance." I tried explaining to him.
"What's her name?" He smiled stupidly.
"She wouldn't say.." I said, suddenly breathless.
"That chick has problems." He stated, nodding.
"Shut up." I laughed and shoved him in the shoulder.
Thoughts of her flooded my mind once again. Her big brown eyes which matched her shiny hair. Her stunning smile which made me warm inside. Her voice, which sounded like an angels'. Most of all, i couldn't forget that laugh. Just thinking about it put a big smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach.
Oh, my Jane Doe.
Dream.
So i thought my dream was weird until i heard about Mimi's dream. Now that is creepy. Haha. Alright I'll start.
Me and Mimi were talking on AIM and we were both bored out of our minds. Then a flier for this thing at the park came up so i told her we should go. But i didn't tell her on AIM. I scratched it in my leg... I don't even know. LOL. So we went. And we were with other people. I didn't have money or my buspass so we snuck onto the back. We sat and i noticed two retarded boys were there. Yep, my cousins. Philip and Damon. (is that how you spell your name?) They were messing around and i told Mimi about them. She was laughing and saying loudly how they were play fighting and shiet. I'm like "STFU." Then i saw Brendan and the rest of GearUp in the back so i went over to them. Then Katrina was telling people how i was dead to her. I don't know. LOL.
Then we got off and my cousins got off also. I'm like NOOO. Then we walked in and we kept seeing them wherever we went. And Mimi disapeared and turned into my sister. We were looking at hellokitty bracelets in this one shop. Then i saw my other cousin, Sarah. We continued and i kept seeing freaking Philip and Damon everywhere. Then we saw this one hallway where we never seen before. I asked if it was new and Philip and Damon were like "Uh no. It's been here for years. I remember we had to run a mile through here." It was weird cause we've been to Stones so many times and we never seen this hallway. So we went and there were a lot of pretty dresses.
The store owners knew my cousins pretty well. And i saw this beautiful red dress. But my cousin warned me not to get it cause if i bought something from there, i will be stuck with her (the store owner) forever. She like..owns you or something. That's what happened to Sarah. She bought a dress there and now, she 'belongs' to the store owner. Yeah, that creeped me out. LOL. I don't remember anything else. The weird part of this dream is that my cousins were there. Cousins that i haven't talked to since i don't know. Since i was in 6th grade? Last time i saw them was Chinese New Year and we barely talked at all..
Me and Mimi were talking on AIM and we were both bored out of our minds. Then a flier for this thing at the park came up so i told her we should go. But i didn't tell her on AIM. I scratched it in my leg... I don't even know. LOL. So we went. And we were with other people. I didn't have money or my buspass so we snuck onto the back. We sat and i noticed two retarded boys were there. Yep, my cousins. Philip and Damon. (is that how you spell your name?) They were messing around and i told Mimi about them. She was laughing and saying loudly how they were play fighting and shiet. I'm like "STFU." Then i saw Brendan and the rest of GearUp in the back so i went over to them. Then Katrina was telling people how i was dead to her. I don't know. LOL.
Then we got off and my cousins got off also. I'm like NOOO. Then we walked in and we kept seeing them wherever we went. And Mimi disapeared and turned into my sister. We were looking at hellokitty bracelets in this one shop. Then i saw my other cousin, Sarah. We continued and i kept seeing freaking Philip and Damon everywhere. Then we saw this one hallway where we never seen before. I asked if it was new and Philip and Damon were like "Uh no. It's been here for years. I remember we had to run a mile through here." It was weird cause we've been to Stones so many times and we never seen this hallway. So we went and there were a lot of pretty dresses.
The store owners knew my cousins pretty well. And i saw this beautiful red dress. But my cousin warned me not to get it cause if i bought something from there, i will be stuck with her (the store owner) forever. She like..owns you or something. That's what happened to Sarah. She bought a dress there and now, she 'belongs' to the store owner. Yeah, that creeped me out. LOL. I don't remember anything else. The weird part of this dream is that my cousins were there. Cousins that i haven't talked to since i don't know. Since i was in 6th grade? Last time i saw them was Chinese New Year and we barely talked at all..
Man(:
"Would you rather be a man or a woman?"
"Man."
"..Okay."
-both starts laughing-
Everyone probably expected that anyway.xD
"Would you rather listen to metal for the rest of your life, or Miley Cyrus?"
"Metal!"
-song on my ipod switches and turns to a screamo song-
LOL, i love my ipod.(:
"Man."
"..Okay."
-both starts laughing-
Everyone probably expected that anyway.xD
"Would you rather listen to metal for the rest of your life, or Miley Cyrus?"
"Metal!"
-song on my ipod switches and turns to a screamo song-
LOL, i love my ipod.(:
First Period, Ms.Lam.
Dear first period,
Well, this class. Haha. This class has been bitterweet. I mean, most of the time, I'm bored out of my mind. Other times, i find this class a relaxing way to start my day. There are some pretty cool people i met in this class. They would always make class exciting. One question. Why didn't you place me with them? Well, i was usually always quiet in that class. Well, except that one time when you put me with Brendan, Bryan, and Anna. And when you put me with Luis and Brian. I don't remember you putting me with anyone else interesting. Well, you did put me with Anna and Jason, i wasn't too miserable with them.
I usually stayed quiet in your class and finished all my work before everyone else. Then i would read or daydream or something. I don't like how you assigned homework every single night. For every chapter, we needed a chapter analysis. Character analysis. Plot diagram. Ectectect. You worked us like we were an honor class.
One fond memory i have of this class is when we were doing 'interviews' as we wrote our scripts and questions for 'Thing's Fall Apart'. I remember Jesse having to be Ezimna (or something) cause they were short on people. And he did the very high girly voice. I remember the whole class was dying from laughter. And you even had tears from laughing so hard.xD Fun.
You would always say that i was 'tough' and stuff cause i would always come in with only a short sleeve on really cold days where you were bundled up in many layers. Haha. You were nice, for the most part. You could've gave us a break. Working us 'till the last possible minute. But it was fun..
JessicaLing(:
Well, this class. Haha. This class has been bitterweet. I mean, most of the time, I'm bored out of my mind. Other times, i find this class a relaxing way to start my day. There are some pretty cool people i met in this class. They would always make class exciting. One question. Why didn't you place me with them? Well, i was usually always quiet in that class. Well, except that one time when you put me with Brendan, Bryan, and Anna. And when you put me with Luis and Brian. I don't remember you putting me with anyone else interesting. Well, you did put me with Anna and Jason, i wasn't too miserable with them.
I usually stayed quiet in your class and finished all my work before everyone else. Then i would read or daydream or something. I don't like how you assigned homework every single night. For every chapter, we needed a chapter analysis. Character analysis. Plot diagram. Ectectect. You worked us like we were an honor class.
One fond memory i have of this class is when we were doing 'interviews' as we wrote our scripts and questions for 'Thing's Fall Apart'. I remember Jesse having to be Ezimna (or something) cause they were short on people. And he did the very high girly voice. I remember the whole class was dying from laughter. And you even had tears from laughing so hard.xD Fun.
You would always say that i was 'tough' and stuff cause i would always come in with only a short sleeve on really cold days where you were bundled up in many layers. Haha. You were nice, for the most part. You could've gave us a break. Working us 'till the last possible minute. But it was fun..
JessicaLing(:
A Lover Died.
I dropped my knife as I realized what I have done. The shiny silver stood out in the big pool of red. I looked at my victim as my breathing staggered. "Oh my god." I said to myself as I leaned against the wall behind me. The only sound now was the heavy rain and the distant cars rushing by. The street lights were the only thing lighting the dark alley. His face started to haunt me. His open eyes had watched me cut him up and murder him. His mouth was slightly open, blood still pouring out of it. I buried my face in my bloody hands and a smile crept on my face.
I'm not crazy. I'm not. Then why would i kill an innocent man who i had no problem with? Because of her. I did this for Katie. My best friend and the girl i have been in love with for as long as i could remember. My heart rate sped up, not because of the deed i just did, but because the face of my love filled my thoughts. I could feel my pain disappearing. I got out my cell and punched in her number, which i had memorized.
"Hello?" she chirped cheerfully. That happiness wouldn't last for long. I was about to break her.
"Katie, it's me." I didn't know how to continue. His body just layed there on the wet pavement, taunting me.
"What's up, Nick?"
"Well, I..uh." She always had me at a loss for words. "Alex. He uh. He is dead." I expected her to cry and scream and everything but all i heard was silence. "K-Katie?" I didn't know how continue.
"I just.. I heard you wrong." she laughed forcefully, "I thought you said Alex was dead! Silly me."
"Yeah, Kate. That's what I said." I confirmed.
"How did this happen? How do you know? Did you see the killer? Who was it?" She attacked me with questions and it made me sick how much she cared about him.
"Can i come over, Kate?" I ignored her questions.
"Nick. Please. I need to know." she cried.
"Oh, love. Don't cry." I cooed to her.
"How do you know he died? Are you with him?" She bawled into the phone.
"Well, yes. He's here. It's real bloody. You don't want to be here." I figured that she would put the pieces together and i wouldn't have to tell her.
"Where are you?! I'm coming. I need to be there." she pleaded.
"Okay. I'm at the alley behind his house. Hurry." I sighed. In a few minutes, she would be here. At the scene of the crime. I hung up the phone and sat on the wet floor.
Alex was Kate's boyfriend. They were totally and completely in love. It disgusted me, no matter how selfish that sounds. All she would talk about was him. It was always him. I've known her longer. I was her best friend. I was the one who actually cared for her. I love her. But she's just too blinded by Alex to see it. Now that he was out of the way..
"Nick!" she gasped for air as she ran towards me. I looked at the floor. I hated it whenever she cried. I couldn't live with myself if i knew i was the one who caused her tears.
After a while of her uncontrollable sobbing i dared myself to look at her. Of course, she was on her knees, next to Alex. She mourned him and cried out her love for him. My heart felt like it was being squeezed. Eventually, it would explode.
"Did you see who killed him?" she asked quietly once her sobs subsided. I grunted and shoved my hands in my pockets.
"Nick! Please. Please just tell me who did it." she glared at me. I couldn't tell if the dampness of her face was from her tears, or from the rain.
"He begged me not to.." i admitted after a long silence.
"You. You!" She growled at me in disgust and her sparking blue eyes were now glazed over in hate.
"Now, Katie. Stop freaking out for just one moment. Please." I pleaded with her.
"Stop freaking out?! Are you out of your fucking mind? Get away from me. I- I don't even want to see you. Ever." She was tearing out my heart and stomping on it.
"I can explain! Please. Please listen to me!" I screamed in frustration.
"How can you possibly explain this?! You killed him, Nick. I loved him more than anything! Are you out of your mind? You killed him! You should know better.." She screamed at me.
It felt like she just tore out my heart and laughed in my face. 'I loved him more than anything'. I could almost feel someone repeatedly stab into my chest. Kinda like what i did to him..
"No. I don't know wrong from right." I shook my head. "But i know one thing for sure."
"What is that, Nick? Please. Humor me." She spat as she turned away from me.
"I love you." I offered her. "I'm in love with you. I'm so in love with you." I didn't know what her reaction would be. Hate faded from her eyes but they still held no emotion.
"You killed him." she sobbed and collapsed in my arms.
"I know. I'm sorry. But I.. I couldn't handle the pain. Seeing you two together. I had to do this. I'm so sorry." I tried to make her understand. She couldn't hate me. She couldn't.
"I understand.. You're my best friend. I never thought you would.. I didn't think you could.." she shook her head, not knowing what to say. She looked at Alex one last time and fresh tears came.
"Oh, love. Please, don't cry. I'll wash my bloody hands and we'll start a new life." I grabbed both her hands and waited for her response.
I could see the flashing lights in the distance. The sirens from the police and ambulance were getting louder. She let a few more tears escape and she nodded after searching in my eyes. She quickly grabbed my knife from the pool of blood and started running. Did i mention how in love with her i was?
--------
I want a guy that will kill my current boyfriend/love just so he can be with me. Haha. It's so romantic and sick at the same time.(:
Inspired greatly by the song Bloody Valentine- Good Charlotte. If you listen to it, you'd know how much this is based on that. It may be a bit all over the place because i wrote the beginning, then the end, then the middle. I don't know why. It may be really messy, i apologize.
I'm not crazy. I'm not. Then why would i kill an innocent man who i had no problem with? Because of her. I did this for Katie. My best friend and the girl i have been in love with for as long as i could remember. My heart rate sped up, not because of the deed i just did, but because the face of my love filled my thoughts. I could feel my pain disappearing. I got out my cell and punched in her number, which i had memorized.
"Hello?" she chirped cheerfully. That happiness wouldn't last for long. I was about to break her.
"Katie, it's me." I didn't know how to continue. His body just layed there on the wet pavement, taunting me.
"What's up, Nick?"
"Well, I..uh." She always had me at a loss for words. "Alex. He uh. He is dead." I expected her to cry and scream and everything but all i heard was silence. "K-Katie?" I didn't know how continue.
"I just.. I heard you wrong." she laughed forcefully, "I thought you said Alex was dead! Silly me."
"Yeah, Kate. That's what I said." I confirmed.
"How did this happen? How do you know? Did you see the killer? Who was it?" She attacked me with questions and it made me sick how much she cared about him.
"Can i come over, Kate?" I ignored her questions.
"Nick. Please. I need to know." she cried.
"Oh, love. Don't cry." I cooed to her.
"How do you know he died? Are you with him?" She bawled into the phone.
"Well, yes. He's here. It's real bloody. You don't want to be here." I figured that she would put the pieces together and i wouldn't have to tell her.
"Where are you?! I'm coming. I need to be there." she pleaded.
"Okay. I'm at the alley behind his house. Hurry." I sighed. In a few minutes, she would be here. At the scene of the crime. I hung up the phone and sat on the wet floor.
Alex was Kate's boyfriend. They were totally and completely in love. It disgusted me, no matter how selfish that sounds. All she would talk about was him. It was always him. I've known her longer. I was her best friend. I was the one who actually cared for her. I love her. But she's just too blinded by Alex to see it. Now that he was out of the way..
"Nick!" she gasped for air as she ran towards me. I looked at the floor. I hated it whenever she cried. I couldn't live with myself if i knew i was the one who caused her tears.
After a while of her uncontrollable sobbing i dared myself to look at her. Of course, she was on her knees, next to Alex. She mourned him and cried out her love for him. My heart felt like it was being squeezed. Eventually, it would explode.
"Did you see who killed him?" she asked quietly once her sobs subsided. I grunted and shoved my hands in my pockets.
"Nick! Please. Please just tell me who did it." she glared at me. I couldn't tell if the dampness of her face was from her tears, or from the rain.
"He begged me not to.." i admitted after a long silence.
"You. You!" She growled at me in disgust and her sparking blue eyes were now glazed over in hate.
"Now, Katie. Stop freaking out for just one moment. Please." I pleaded with her.
"Stop freaking out?! Are you out of your fucking mind? Get away from me. I- I don't even want to see you. Ever." She was tearing out my heart and stomping on it.
"I can explain! Please. Please listen to me!" I screamed in frustration.
"How can you possibly explain this?! You killed him, Nick. I loved him more than anything! Are you out of your mind? You killed him! You should know better.." She screamed at me.
It felt like she just tore out my heart and laughed in my face. 'I loved him more than anything'. I could almost feel someone repeatedly stab into my chest. Kinda like what i did to him..
"No. I don't know wrong from right." I shook my head. "But i know one thing for sure."
"What is that, Nick? Please. Humor me." She spat as she turned away from me.
"I love you." I offered her. "I'm in love with you. I'm so in love with you." I didn't know what her reaction would be. Hate faded from her eyes but they still held no emotion.
"You killed him." she sobbed and collapsed in my arms.
"I know. I'm sorry. But I.. I couldn't handle the pain. Seeing you two together. I had to do this. I'm so sorry." I tried to make her understand. She couldn't hate me. She couldn't.
"I understand.. You're my best friend. I never thought you would.. I didn't think you could.." she shook her head, not knowing what to say. She looked at Alex one last time and fresh tears came.
"Oh, love. Please, don't cry. I'll wash my bloody hands and we'll start a new life." I grabbed both her hands and waited for her response.
I could see the flashing lights in the distance. The sirens from the police and ambulance were getting louder. She let a few more tears escape and she nodded after searching in my eyes. She quickly grabbed my knife from the pool of blood and started running. Did i mention how in love with her i was?
--------
I want a guy that will kill my current boyfriend/love just so he can be with me. Haha. It's so romantic and sick at the same time.(:
Inspired greatly by the song Bloody Valentine- Good Charlotte. If you listen to it, you'd know how much this is based on that. It may be a bit all over the place because i wrote the beginning, then the end, then the middle. I don't know why. It may be really messy, i apologize.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
It feels good to be home. Well, my dad somehow came up with a check. I thought he said he was broke, but he promised he would supply the money 'till I'm 18. Hmm. Whatever. I mostly slept at his house. Slept and read. I woke up at 4 or 5 today.. Yeah. Then i read 'till i got hungry. Went to eat at ABC. He gave me $50 for my birthday. Mhmm. But i had inspiration last night to write someone important from my past a letter. I may do that. Maybe not. We'll see how bored i am.(:
I need to go shopping sometime this week or next week. Haha.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
I need to work on my smiles.
They're looking kinda shabby. -smile- (:
New goal for the summer. Work on my fake smiles.(:
New goal for the summer. Work on my fake smiles.(:
Not so weird dream.
I didn't have a crazy dream today. Some of it was interesting. Something about racing, and bathrooms. O_O Then i was married to Kevin Jonas. LMFAO. I have no idea how that happened but we were like..together. And my cousin's wife was a bitch. My cousin was still ugly as crap.(: And my other cousin had a hamster.:D What else? Nothing else, that i can remember.
What, subconscious? Ran out of drugs?(;
What, subconscious? Ran out of drugs?(;
Entertain me.
Are you unsure about your feelings for someone?
I'm kinda sure now. But I'm still on the edge.D:
What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant?
I'd laugh in their face cause that would be impossible
Whats the most recent thing you bought?
Hmm. I don't remember. Oh, chips.
How many kids do you want to have in the future?
2.
When was the last time you were truly happy?
6/5 or 6/15.(:
When was the last time you went to a funeral?
Never been to one.
Would you be happy if you found out you were getting a new sibling?
No.
Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
Nope.
Have you ever eaten a whole pizza by yourself?
I'm not that fat. Jeez.
Are you playing hard to get right now?
LOL, i don't do games.
Whens the last time you wished on a shooting star?
Never did.
Have you done anything illegal today?
I don't think so. LOL
Are you wearing glasses or contacts?
Glasses.
Did you do something mean to someone today?
LOL, define mean.(:
Are you addicted to cigarettes?
Not even.
Will you be in a relationship 3 months from now?
Who knows.
Does anyone hate you?
Probably.
Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with?
On the contrary.(:
How was your day?
Stayed home all day. Listened to my parents fight. Bullshitbullshitbullshit. Yeah, today was amazing.
Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning?
Nope.
How is your hair?
Stupid.
Are you talkative?
Most definitely. Unless I'm with girls, then i get super quiet.xD
Are you going to sleep in tomorrow?
Forsure.
What are you doing after this survey?
Sleep.
Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
Yessir, i do.
Where do you wish you were right now?
In my bed.
Who are you gonna be with Saturday night?
Freaking dad.-__-
Ever had something stolen from you?
My heart.(: LOOL.
Last person you texted?
Mr.Martinez.(:
What keeps you awake at night?
My thoughts.
Are you happy with your life at the moment?
Once this bullshit is over and done with, i will be.
Why did your parents choose your name?
They liked the name? Idk.
Do you wish you were older, younger, or the age you are now?
I sometimes want to be older. Sometimes, younger. And sometimes I'm happy the way i am. I don't know.
Who do you admire the most?
People who stuck by me since the start.(:
If you won $10,000 to donate to a charity, which would you choose?
Idk .?
Are you religious at all?
No. Only for my STAC.(:
What do you look for in a friend?
Talkative, sense of humor, good personality, preferably male.. Haha.
What do you look for in a boyfriend / girlfriend?
Win my heart, and you'll know. I can't put it in words.
On a Saturday afternoon, you can be found?
Can someone say community servicee? Haha.
Do you have a favorite quote?
"You never know what you got 'till its gone."
Are you more of a talker or a listener?
I can be both.
Do you tend to distance yourself from others when upset?
Mhmm.
Would you move to another country to be with the one you loved?
Depends on the country. My age. The situation. Ect.
Do you have a picture that's really special to you?
No.
Do you think it's possible for anyone to really, truly know you?
No. Feel free to prove me wrong.
Greatest weakness?
You'd like to know, huh?
Do you fear death?
Nope. Well, maybe in certain ways.
How easy if it for you to forgive people?
Depends.
Is there someone who can always make you smile?
Always.(:
Do you have a few best friends or many acquaintances?
Many acquaintances.
Do you enjoy socializing?
Can't live without it.
How many people would you trust with your life?
Not even myself.
What is one thing you want, but can't have?
His heart.
Who is one person that you wish you could meet?
My future husband..?
Are most of your friends older or younger?
Older.
Is your boyfriend retarded?
LMFAO. I'm single, but if i had one, yes. Most definitely, he will be.(:
I'm kinda sure now. But I'm still on the edge.D:
What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant?
I'd laugh in their face cause that would be impossible
Whats the most recent thing you bought?
Hmm. I don't remember. Oh, chips.
How many kids do you want to have in the future?
2.
When was the last time you were truly happy?
6/5 or 6/15.(:
When was the last time you went to a funeral?
Never been to one.
Would you be happy if you found out you were getting a new sibling?
No.
Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
Nope.
Have you ever eaten a whole pizza by yourself?
I'm not that fat. Jeez.
Are you playing hard to get right now?
LOL, i don't do games.
Whens the last time you wished on a shooting star?
Never did.
Have you done anything illegal today?
I don't think so. LOL
Are you wearing glasses or contacts?
Glasses.
Did you do something mean to someone today?
LOL, define mean.(:
Are you addicted to cigarettes?
Not even.
Will you be in a relationship 3 months from now?
Who knows.
Does anyone hate you?
Probably.
Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with?
On the contrary.(:
How was your day?
Stayed home all day. Listened to my parents fight. Bullshitbullshitbullshit. Yeah, today was amazing.
Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning?
Nope.
How is your hair?
Stupid.
Are you talkative?
Most definitely. Unless I'm with girls, then i get super quiet.xD
Are you going to sleep in tomorrow?
Forsure.
What are you doing after this survey?
Sleep.
Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
Yessir, i do.
Where do you wish you were right now?
In my bed.
Who are you gonna be with Saturday night?
Freaking dad.-__-
Ever had something stolen from you?
My heart.(: LOOL.
Last person you texted?
Mr.Martinez.(:
What keeps you awake at night?
My thoughts.
Are you happy with your life at the moment?
Once this bullshit is over and done with, i will be.
Why did your parents choose your name?
They liked the name? Idk.
Do you wish you were older, younger, or the age you are now?
I sometimes want to be older. Sometimes, younger. And sometimes I'm happy the way i am. I don't know.
Who do you admire the most?
People who stuck by me since the start.(:
If you won $10,000 to donate to a charity, which would you choose?
Idk .?
Are you religious at all?
No. Only for my STAC.(:
What do you look for in a friend?
Talkative, sense of humor, good personality, preferably male.. Haha.
What do you look for in a boyfriend / girlfriend?
Win my heart, and you'll know. I can't put it in words.
On a Saturday afternoon, you can be found?
Can someone say community servicee? Haha.
Do you have a favorite quote?
"You never know what you got 'till its gone."
Are you more of a talker or a listener?
I can be both.
Do you tend to distance yourself from others when upset?
Mhmm.
Would you move to another country to be with the one you loved?
Depends on the country. My age. The situation. Ect.
Do you have a picture that's really special to you?
No.
Do you think it's possible for anyone to really, truly know you?
No. Feel free to prove me wrong.
Greatest weakness?
You'd like to know, huh?
Do you fear death?
Nope. Well, maybe in certain ways.
How easy if it for you to forgive people?
Depends.
Is there someone who can always make you smile?
Always.(:
Do you have a few best friends or many acquaintances?
Many acquaintances.
Do you enjoy socializing?
Can't live without it.
How many people would you trust with your life?
Not even myself.
What is one thing you want, but can't have?
His heart.
Who is one person that you wish you could meet?
My future husband..?
Are most of your friends older or younger?
Older.
Is your boyfriend retarded?
LMFAO. I'm single, but if i had one, yes. Most definitely, he will be.(:
Lowgong.(:
jessicaling0 11:32 pm
(11:32:24 PM): hahhaa
(11:32:28 PM): hella random.(:
(11:32:33 PM): the way we started talking
(11:32:37 PM): is ..weird.
(11:32:42 PM): but im not complaining.<3
RAAWRRR 11:32 pm
(11:32:47 PM): LOL
(11:33:02 PM): "hey, are you that girl in my homeroom class?"
jessicaling0 11:33 pm
(11:33:05 PM): LMFAO yeah.
RAAWRRR 11:33 pm
(11:33:06 PM): :D
jessicaling0 11:33 pm
(11:33:10 PM): then you didnt say anything.
(11:33:11 PM): so im like
(11:33:20 PM): uhm...awkward..-walks away-
RAAWRRR 11:33 pm
(11:33:20 PM): heyy pretty lady -in my head-
jessicaling0 11:33 pm
(11:33:22 PM): LMFAO
That's is how we started talking. Haha.(:
jessicaling0 11:18 pm
(11:18:28 PM): i'll talk to you...in my mind.
(11:18:30 PM): LOL wtf?
RAAWRRR 11:18 pm
(11:18:34 PM): ;D
jessicaling0 11:18 pm
(11:18:37 PM): i think that just makes me more mental
(11:18:39 PM): LMFAO
RAAWRRR 11:18 pm
(11:18:43 PM): you'll probably know what I'll say
(11:18:44 PM): LOL
jessicaling0 11:18 pm
(11:18:45 PM): haha
(11:18:48 PM): "Hi (INSERT NAME HERE)."
RAAWRRR 11:18 pm
(11:18:51 PM): how I respond :D
jessicaling0 11:18 pm
(11:18:53 PM): "Whats cookin, good lookin?"
(11:18:55 PM): LMFAO
RAAWRRR 11:18 pm
(11:18:57 PM): LOL'
(11:19:00 PM): GG
(11:19:05 PM): I was thinking that
jessicaling0 11:19 pm
(11:19:06 PM): LMFAO
jamjamyu 11:19 pm
(11:19:07 PM): (;
jessicaling0 11:19 pm
(11:19:11 PM): omg, really?
(11:19:12 PM): LOOL!
RAAWRRR 11:19 pm
(11:19:16 PM): yeah LOL
jessicaling0 11:19 pm
(11:19:18 PM): i win.
(11:19:18 PM): ;D
RAAWRR 11:19 pm
(11:19:26 PM): Yes, you win(:
Either i know him too well, or I'm just psychic like that.(; Guess i will be talking to him in my mind in China.:D
(11:32:24 PM): hahhaa
(11:32:28 PM): hella random.(:
(11:32:33 PM): the way we started talking
(11:32:37 PM): is ..weird.
(11:32:42 PM): but im not complaining.<3
RAAWRRR 11:32 pm
(11:32:47 PM): LOL
(11:33:02 PM): "hey, are you that girl in my homeroom class?"
jessicaling0 11:33 pm
(11:33:05 PM): LMFAO yeah.
RAAWRRR 11:33 pm
(11:33:06 PM): :D
jessicaling0 11:33 pm
(11:33:10 PM): then you didnt say anything.
(11:33:11 PM): so im like
(11:33:20 PM): uhm...awkward..-walks away-
RAAWRRR 11:33 pm
(11:33:20 PM): heyy pretty lady -in my head-
jessicaling0 11:33 pm
(11:33:22 PM): LMFAO
That's is how we started talking. Haha.(:
jessicaling0 11:18 pm
(11:18:28 PM): i'll talk to you...in my mind.
(11:18:30 PM): LOL wtf?
RAAWRRR 11:18 pm
(11:18:34 PM): ;D
jessicaling0 11:18 pm
(11:18:37 PM): i think that just makes me more mental
(11:18:39 PM): LMFAO
RAAWRRR 11:18 pm
(11:18:43 PM): you'll probably know what I'll say
(11:18:44 PM): LOL
jessicaling0 11:18 pm
(11:18:45 PM): haha
(11:18:48 PM): "Hi (INSERT NAME HERE)."
RAAWRRR 11:18 pm
(11:18:51 PM): how I respond :D
jessicaling0 11:18 pm
(11:18:53 PM): "Whats cookin, good lookin?"
(11:18:55 PM): LMFAO
RAAWRRR 11:18 pm
(11:18:57 PM): LOL'
(11:19:00 PM): GG
(11:19:05 PM): I was thinking that
jessicaling0 11:19 pm
(11:19:06 PM): LMFAO
jamjamyu 11:19 pm
(11:19:07 PM): (;
jessicaling0 11:19 pm
(11:19:11 PM): omg, really?
(11:19:12 PM): LOOL!
RAAWRRR 11:19 pm
(11:19:16 PM): yeah LOL
jessicaling0 11:19 pm
(11:19:18 PM): i win.
(11:19:18 PM): ;D
RAAWRR 11:19 pm
(11:19:26 PM): Yes, you win(:
Either i know him too well, or I'm just psychic like that.(; Guess i will be talking to him in my mind in China.:D
Friday, June 25, 2010
I hate you, dad.
Please, get the fuck out of my life. I've been saying i don't have a dad for so long. You don't even care. Get your lazy butt up and find a fucking job. If you cared, you would find a job and let me live with my mom. Did you see how my life has changed for the better when I'm with her? I got over my anorexia. I got over, more or less, my depression. I got better grades. Better activities. Better friends. Better life. You really want me to waste my life and all my hard work? Alright. Not happening. I don't want to grow up like you. I do NOT want to be like you. I don't wanna see you. But i guess i owe it to you to see you and talk to you. But if i could, you'd be out of my life. Forever. And this isn't pissy teenage hormones talking. I've never liked you. No offense. You're lazy. This will get you no where in life. Don't you find it sad how I have more money than you? How i am more willing to work than you are?
And how did you get enough money to go to China? On fucking vacation? When you barely have have enough money to eat.. You're an utter dumbass. You're not fit to be a father. You can't even take care of yourself!
Please savage whats left of your life. For you. For me. For whatever. Just find a job. Take care of yourself. I don't need you in my life. Thanks for 'taking care' of me for a few years. How do you sleep at night knowing this is what you amounted to? Is this how you imagined how your life would be? How sad.
Best regards,
JessicaLing(:
And how did you get enough money to go to China? On fucking vacation? When you barely have have enough money to eat.. You're an utter dumbass. You're not fit to be a father. You can't even take care of yourself!
Please savage whats left of your life. For you. For me. For whatever. Just find a job. Take care of yourself. I don't need you in my life. Thanks for 'taking care' of me for a few years. How do you sleep at night knowing this is what you amounted to? Is this how you imagined how your life would be? How sad.
Best regards,
JessicaLing(:
Its been a long, hard road without you by my side.
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
Weird. Ass. Dream
Really, i don't know where to start. So i guess first, Y told me to meet him at Bal Park some time in July. We were there and we hung out. I don't really remember much. But he walked me home. (To my old house.) and on our way, there was this old man screaming at kids who passed him, saying it was too late to be out. Uhm.. it was like 3pm.. Luckily, it was a street from my house and i was like "But my house is over there." and he let us go. Then he captured these 18 year old kids, not letting them go. And he was gonna drive them home or something. LMFAO. What a pedo..
We got to my house, waited till my parents weren't around, then i hugged him goodbye. Then he invited me again, but with other people this time. Sorry other people, i don't remember who you were. But i remember someone giving me a big teddybear and N was on the swings. I was hella surprised he was there. Then i think we all went to N's house and it was a completely different house. And one of his cousins named..Jack tackled me with a large duck. OMG, speaking of Jack! I remember dude, he was in my dream too. We were in some store and he was there. I chilled with him for a while till he left and went down some elevator. Completely random, but i remember it! Haha. Back to N's house. Hmm, i think we teleported to my dad's house and i remember it was Sunday. So i had a physic's project due the next day.
At some point, i went to someone's house and someone did my project for me. Shit happened but i don't remember. I remember i thought i was funny cause i was going to Bal Park so much since Y told me to go, and Mimi told me to go. Heh. Then i think my project was taking off the ducks legs and demonstrating how it couldnt stand without its legs.. It was a doll, by the way. LOL. The one that N's cousin attacked me with.
Then i woke up thinking "My penis is bigger than everyones." I don't know how that thought came up but just..yeah. LOL. I fell asleep again and me and Mimi were in Stonestown.
We went to the bathroom first and there was this man in there watching the girls pee. It was really creepy. Then he said that the girl in the first stall had her period and shit. I just hurried and finished and ran out of there. Then there were the guys outside. I talked to them a bit. I warned the girls about him. It was Carmen, Wendy, and Judy. I remember. I remember warning them about the pedos. LOL. Then D slapped my ass.-__- I just ran away. LOL. I saw Mimi in Forever 21. I was gonna go in till i saw G, so i went with him instead. We saw Ramirez and i convinced him to stalk her with me. LOL.
Turns out, other people from our gym class was with her too. She made us run up and down the escalators. LOL. Then Mimi joined us. Then we went in the bathroom again and i remember seeing guys go in too. O_o Then i made some reference about being on your period, not wearing a pad, and wearing white shorts. I don't know. Then i talked shit about the pedo guy who was there. And he heard and ran after us. Me and Mimi were running till i saw this cute Skelanimals jacket. I grabbed it and kept running. LOL.
He eventually caught me and he smelled good. I remember.(: He wasn't a pedo anymore, he was X. I don't know why he was in my dream but i went to middle school with him. We were never close. But we did talk in classes. Hmm. He dressed me up.. I don't know. Then he was having a lesson on how to match clothes. LMFAO. Weird dream.
There was probably more but i really don't remember. My subconscious is high. It's so entertaining.(:
We got to my house, waited till my parents weren't around, then i hugged him goodbye. Then he invited me again, but with other people this time. Sorry other people, i don't remember who you were. But i remember someone giving me a big teddybear and N was on the swings. I was hella surprised he was there. Then i think we all went to N's house and it was a completely different house. And one of his cousins named..Jack tackled me with a large duck. OMG, speaking of Jack! I remember dude, he was in my dream too. We were in some store and he was there. I chilled with him for a while till he left and went down some elevator. Completely random, but i remember it! Haha. Back to N's house. Hmm, i think we teleported to my dad's house and i remember it was Sunday. So i had a physic's project due the next day.
At some point, i went to someone's house and someone did my project for me. Shit happened but i don't remember. I remember i thought i was funny cause i was going to Bal Park so much since Y told me to go, and Mimi told me to go. Heh. Then i think my project was taking off the ducks legs and demonstrating how it couldnt stand without its legs.. It was a doll, by the way. LOL. The one that N's cousin attacked me with.
Then i woke up thinking "My penis is bigger than everyones." I don't know how that thought came up but just..yeah. LOL. I fell asleep again and me and Mimi were in Stonestown.
We went to the bathroom first and there was this man in there watching the girls pee. It was really creepy. Then he said that the girl in the first stall had her period and shit. I just hurried and finished and ran out of there. Then there were the guys outside. I talked to them a bit. I warned the girls about him. It was Carmen, Wendy, and Judy. I remember. I remember warning them about the pedos. LOL. Then D slapped my ass.-__- I just ran away. LOL. I saw Mimi in Forever 21. I was gonna go in till i saw G, so i went with him instead. We saw Ramirez and i convinced him to stalk her with me. LOL.
Turns out, other people from our gym class was with her too. She made us run up and down the escalators. LOL. Then Mimi joined us. Then we went in the bathroom again and i remember seeing guys go in too. O_o Then i made some reference about being on your period, not wearing a pad, and wearing white shorts. I don't know. Then i talked shit about the pedo guy who was there. And he heard and ran after us. Me and Mimi were running till i saw this cute Skelanimals jacket. I grabbed it and kept running. LOL.
He eventually caught me and he smelled good. I remember.(: He wasn't a pedo anymore, he was X. I don't know why he was in my dream but i went to middle school with him. We were never close. But we did talk in classes. Hmm. He dressed me up.. I don't know. Then he was having a lesson on how to match clothes. LMFAO. Weird dream.
There was probably more but i really don't remember. My subconscious is high. It's so entertaining.(:
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Deathbed.
"Mommy, can we visit daddy today?" Allison looked up at me with her father's brown eyes, hope filled in them.
I was about to tell her no. Just like i have for 2 years now. But everyday, she never fails to ask me. But today, something made me think twice about saying no. December 19. The date made me cringe. Would i be able to handle seeing him again?
"No." i mumbled, answering my own question rather than hers.
"Is he too busy? Are you too tired?" She listed the usual excuses that i give.
It breaks my heart to see how determined she is. The determination her father always carried. But she wouldn't understand so I'm determined to protect her from the truth. Our time together was much too short. But then again, even if i spent forever with him, it would be too short.
"Mama? Why did he leave? He doesn't love me anymore?" her lip quivering.
"No, baby. He would always love you. He will always care about you. He never wanted to be away from you." This is what i told myself everyday. He did love me, right?
"Then why don't i ever see him? Why don't you ever let me see him? Why doesn't he come to visit me?" She had so many questions. I didn't know how to answer her without telling her the truth and breaking her.
"You know what, honey? We're going to see him. Finish your cereal." I sighed. I couldn't deny her forever. I couldn't deny myself forever. I tried to shut it out of my life. I tried to forget. The tears on my pillow can tell you that i failed.
"Yes! We're finally gonna see daddy!" she squealed in excitement. It's going to hurt even more to see her little heart get broken.
We stopped at a corner store and i bought flowers. We drove to a place that no one would want to be. It only meant pain. I got the room number from a nice young nurse and slowly walked by dozens of rooms with crying people and dying patients.
705. I touched the room number once and hesitated to turned the knob. My daughter took hold of my hand and looked up at me with questioning eyes. I slowly turned the knob and pushed it open, my eyes tightly shut. I mentally prepared myself for what i was going to see. I took a step forward and looked at my husband for the first time in 2 years. Guilt flushed through my body as i saw him laying there. Tubes and wires were still connected to him. But he still looked beautiful. I slowly walked towards him, as if something bad would happen if i walked quicker.
The curtain was slightly open and let some light though, illuminating the room just a bit. He looked so peaceful, just laying there. I was by his side now. I lifted my hand but dropped it, afraid to touch him. So i lay the flowers by his side and admired his beauty. The thing i missed most about him was his voice. Or maybe it was his eyes. Or the way he would hold me, and everything seemed right. Either way, i couldn't have it again. I lost hope 2 years ago.
"Happy anniversary.." I said in a quiet voice. I didn't realize i was crying until a tear landed on his cheek. Without thinking, i wiped it off. But i didn't remove my hand. I gently caressed his cheek, which was once so full of color. He looked pale, in a very sickening way.
I sighed. "I am so sorry. I gave up on you. I lost hope.." Saying it out loud just made it seem so much more real. "I didn't want to hurt anymore, you know?" 'And how's that working out for you?' i imagined him say with venom in his voice. "I'm the worst wife in the world. Can i even call myself that? I'm the worst mother in the world." i looked down at Alli, who stood by my side, staring. 'No you're not', he would comfort me now. He would hold me in his arms and whisper in my ear how it was not my fault. How no one could watch the love of their life lying on their deathbed.
"I don't think he will make it. Should we pull the plug? It's all in your hands now." the doctor interrupted my quiet sobs.
"Pull the p-plug?" I stuttered. Thoughts of him being officially dead haunted me. I shook my head ferociously as warm tears slid down my cheek. If it wasn't for Alli, i would've said yes. Then i would join him in heaven. But what would a 6 year old do without her mother and her father? I shut everyone else out of my life, afraid to get close to anyone.
"Miss, he is occupying this room while there are patients who are in need of a room. He probably won't make it anyway." He states.
"Take that back! Take that fucking back!" I took a few steps towards him, ready to punch him right in the face.
"I apologize. I am way out of line. He can have the room until he wakes up. Forget i was here." He backed out of the room as i glared at him.
"Already trying." I spat at him, though he couldn't hear me. "I brought Alli. She bugs me everyday about seeing you." my voice got softer as i spoke to my husband. 'Alli. You're so grown up now!' his eyes would light up as he throws her into the air. He would catch her and give her the biggest hug ever.
"Hi daddy." she said timidly as she hid behind me.
"I am truly sorry for giving up on you. In sickness and in health. I will be here for you now, i promise." I wondered if he could understand what i was saying. I wonder if he hated me. "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me.. Maybe i should leave." i slowly took off the ring that he gave me 4 years ago and placed it on the table beside him.
There was a folded piece of paper there and my curiosity got the best of me. "Whats this?" i mumbled as Allison was next to her dad now, holding his hand. I slowly opened the note and let out a shaky breath.
"'Till death do us part. I love you." the note read. How is it that he still made me feel so right without even knowing. He's not dead yet, so i shouldn't give up. I took both the ring and the note and put it in my pocket.
"Mama. I can read daddy's mind. He is dreaming about you. He says he loves you and we'll all be together soon." Allison said to me.
I laughed a softly and smiled. "I know, darling. Everything's gonna be okay." I grabbed her hand and led her out of the room.
"'Till death do us part, right? Keep fighting. I love you so much." I whispered and blew him a kiss. This time when i closed the door to his room, i knew i would be back. Very soon.
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Yeah, just something i wrote when inspiration struck. I haven't done one is so long. I changed the ending last minute. Enjoy, i guess.
-JessicaLing(:
I was about to tell her no. Just like i have for 2 years now. But everyday, she never fails to ask me. But today, something made me think twice about saying no. December 19. The date made me cringe. Would i be able to handle seeing him again?
"No." i mumbled, answering my own question rather than hers.
"Is he too busy? Are you too tired?" She listed the usual excuses that i give.
It breaks my heart to see how determined she is. The determination her father always carried. But she wouldn't understand so I'm determined to protect her from the truth. Our time together was much too short. But then again, even if i spent forever with him, it would be too short.
"Mama? Why did he leave? He doesn't love me anymore?" her lip quivering.
"No, baby. He would always love you. He will always care about you. He never wanted to be away from you." This is what i told myself everyday. He did love me, right?
"Then why don't i ever see him? Why don't you ever let me see him? Why doesn't he come to visit me?" She had so many questions. I didn't know how to answer her without telling her the truth and breaking her.
"You know what, honey? We're going to see him. Finish your cereal." I sighed. I couldn't deny her forever. I couldn't deny myself forever. I tried to shut it out of my life. I tried to forget. The tears on my pillow can tell you that i failed.
"Yes! We're finally gonna see daddy!" she squealed in excitement. It's going to hurt even more to see her little heart get broken.
We stopped at a corner store and i bought flowers. We drove to a place that no one would want to be. It only meant pain. I got the room number from a nice young nurse and slowly walked by dozens of rooms with crying people and dying patients.
705. I touched the room number once and hesitated to turned the knob. My daughter took hold of my hand and looked up at me with questioning eyes. I slowly turned the knob and pushed it open, my eyes tightly shut. I mentally prepared myself for what i was going to see. I took a step forward and looked at my husband for the first time in 2 years. Guilt flushed through my body as i saw him laying there. Tubes and wires were still connected to him. But he still looked beautiful. I slowly walked towards him, as if something bad would happen if i walked quicker.
The curtain was slightly open and let some light though, illuminating the room just a bit. He looked so peaceful, just laying there. I was by his side now. I lifted my hand but dropped it, afraid to touch him. So i lay the flowers by his side and admired his beauty. The thing i missed most about him was his voice. Or maybe it was his eyes. Or the way he would hold me, and everything seemed right. Either way, i couldn't have it again. I lost hope 2 years ago.
"Happy anniversary.." I said in a quiet voice. I didn't realize i was crying until a tear landed on his cheek. Without thinking, i wiped it off. But i didn't remove my hand. I gently caressed his cheek, which was once so full of color. He looked pale, in a very sickening way.
I sighed. "I am so sorry. I gave up on you. I lost hope.." Saying it out loud just made it seem so much more real. "I didn't want to hurt anymore, you know?" 'And how's that working out for you?' i imagined him say with venom in his voice. "I'm the worst wife in the world. Can i even call myself that? I'm the worst mother in the world." i looked down at Alli, who stood by my side, staring. 'No you're not', he would comfort me now. He would hold me in his arms and whisper in my ear how it was not my fault. How no one could watch the love of their life lying on their deathbed.
"I don't think he will make it. Should we pull the plug? It's all in your hands now." the doctor interrupted my quiet sobs.
"Pull the p-plug?" I stuttered. Thoughts of him being officially dead haunted me. I shook my head ferociously as warm tears slid down my cheek. If it wasn't for Alli, i would've said yes. Then i would join him in heaven. But what would a 6 year old do without her mother and her father? I shut everyone else out of my life, afraid to get close to anyone.
"Miss, he is occupying this room while there are patients who are in need of a room. He probably won't make it anyway." He states.
"Take that back! Take that fucking back!" I took a few steps towards him, ready to punch him right in the face.
"I apologize. I am way out of line. He can have the room until he wakes up. Forget i was here." He backed out of the room as i glared at him.
"Already trying." I spat at him, though he couldn't hear me. "I brought Alli. She bugs me everyday about seeing you." my voice got softer as i spoke to my husband. 'Alli. You're so grown up now!' his eyes would light up as he throws her into the air. He would catch her and give her the biggest hug ever.
"Hi daddy." she said timidly as she hid behind me.
"I am truly sorry for giving up on you. In sickness and in health. I will be here for you now, i promise." I wondered if he could understand what i was saying. I wonder if he hated me. "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me.. Maybe i should leave." i slowly took off the ring that he gave me 4 years ago and placed it on the table beside him.
There was a folded piece of paper there and my curiosity got the best of me. "Whats this?" i mumbled as Allison was next to her dad now, holding his hand. I slowly opened the note and let out a shaky breath.
"'Till death do us part. I love you." the note read. How is it that he still made me feel so right without even knowing. He's not dead yet, so i shouldn't give up. I took both the ring and the note and put it in my pocket.
"Mama. I can read daddy's mind. He is dreaming about you. He says he loves you and we'll all be together soon." Allison said to me.
I laughed a softly and smiled. "I know, darling. Everything's gonna be okay." I grabbed her hand and led her out of the room.
"'Till death do us part, right? Keep fighting. I love you so much." I whispered and blew him a kiss. This time when i closed the door to his room, i knew i would be back. Very soon.
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Yeah, just something i wrote when inspiration struck. I haven't done one is so long. I changed the ending last minute. Enjoy, i guess.
-JessicaLing(:
I hate.
I hate when inspiration hits me. And i start writing my song. Then i stop. And when i try to finish it some other time, it's just not the same. Not the same feeling. Not the same moment. It's just not the same.D:
Trying to finish all my halfwritten songs now. TRY. Eh..
Trying to finish all my halfwritten songs now. TRY. Eh..
Weird dream.. again.
My dream last night was even weirder than last times.. Where do i even start..? People were on a bus with me. We were going somewhere. And the bus didn't stop for these two people and they were Demondre and this fat white dude. Then i was at the dentist or something and the fat white dude was there. He was like "Jessica.." and I'm like wtf.. Then i found out it was some sort of curse. Where a pirate (or whatever he was) would come after you. So i went outside and called my mom to pick me up. The fat guy was like..chasing me. Then i saw someone in the store. Lets call him O for purposes that only i know. He was with some other guy and he looked hella down. I asked him what's wrong and he was like "Nothing, I'm fine." and i just looked him in the eye and said, "Liar..". Then the weird part comes. He kissed me.. I think i kissed him back then i pulled away. Looked at him, then ran/walked out of the store. That was kinda freaky..
Then i believe i was talking to Y on AIM. School had to go on some trip. We had to go to the airplane and stuff. I left and got on the plane. The typical boys were there and i sat in the back with them. Then some random shit about taking pictures and watering shit. I remember eating whipped cream and strawberries though.:D I dont know. Then YL(different person from Y) told me that he wanted to use his keychain as a piercing. To pierce his balls... Yeah.. Then he was like "Or at least my middle finger.." I don't even know. He's one weird boy. LOL. Then Y texted me and i was smiling and reading it. YL looked over and was like "O__O Who's that from..?" I told him no one and he got really pissy after that.
We got off the plane and we were at.. Balboa Park Station.. LOL. I don't know why we went on a plane to get there but yeaah. The only other thing i remember is my cousin asking her mom to get her eyeliner and a keychain. LOL. It's one of those dreams that you just NEED to remember but you can't really explain..? I'm getting crazy dreams these days. Very entertaining though. Weird people in my dream. People i don't even talk to play important roles. That's just weird.
Subconscious, are you high? It's okay, you're keeping me amused.
Then i believe i was talking to Y on AIM. School had to go on some trip. We had to go to the airplane and stuff. I left and got on the plane. The typical boys were there and i sat in the back with them. Then some random shit about taking pictures and watering shit. I remember eating whipped cream and strawberries though.:D I dont know. Then YL(different person from Y) told me that he wanted to use his keychain as a piercing. To pierce his balls... Yeah.. Then he was like "Or at least my middle finger.." I don't even know. He's one weird boy. LOL. Then Y texted me and i was smiling and reading it. YL looked over and was like "O__O Who's that from..?" I told him no one and he got really pissy after that.
We got off the plane and we were at.. Balboa Park Station.. LOL. I don't know why we went on a plane to get there but yeaah. The only other thing i remember is my cousin asking her mom to get her eyeliner and a keychain. LOL. It's one of those dreams that you just NEED to remember but you can't really explain..? I'm getting crazy dreams these days. Very entertaining though. Weird people in my dream. People i don't even talk to play important roles. That's just weird.
Subconscious, are you high? It's okay, you're keeping me amused.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
"Team/group whoring" &abusing(:
So today we had to do community service. Met up with Mimi and tried to figure out the bus schedule. We waited pretty long for the bus and basically just talked about STDs and hakgwais. LOL. Then we got on the bus and Mimi said Esmerelda was there. We went to the back and i saw Brendan. He was saying how he hasn't seen me in forever and stuff. I hella miss Physics with him and Vicente dude.D: Saw that other people were there. Went to Esmerelda and talked to her. Checked my phone and saw that Filipino boy called me. Tried calling him back but he called Mimi. LOL. We got there and i saw if Brendan got taller. Couldn't tell cause there was a slope. LOL. We went and gathered into a circle. Saw Filipino boy. He's always early. LOL.
We got into a circle and said our name and one thing we liked about Excelsior. I said i liked the beautiful murals and paintings and flowers done by the amazing volunteers. LMFAO. We got done with that and got into groups. My group was called "Mt.Everest" oooh yeah.:D No one knew why, sadly. We went and they were just so boring. So lazy and stuff. And Sharon was all complaining about how cold it was, how dirty it was, she was sweeping. Really? It's not even pulled out yet. I ran up to get them shirts and bags. Sharon was like "I want laarge." Shutup, you get what i give you. Andy's medium looked tight on him. LMFAO. I pulled out weeds and shit for a little and got bored so i went to Brendan's group. I saw they had no leader so i made Filipino boy go to them. Worked a little more and went back to them. I was surprised to see that he was actually there. LOL.
Then i made him switch groups with me. My group was lazy and boring. LOL. So i took over his group with Brendan and Frank. Made them work. They actually worked. And fooled around but still, they worked. I kept running to all the groups. I'm a social.:D I got pretty tired. Felt like Ramirez all over again. LOL. I was in charge of bringing the bags up cause i wanted to get buff. But they wouldn't let me. LOL. I kept going from group to group. They called me a group whore. LMFAO. Went to my original group to steal a broom from Andy cause Seward needed it. Then went to work-ish. After a while, I'm like "SHIT." and rushed to give Andy the broom back. I don't need to be abused. LOL. He was like "I was just about to go up there." LMFAO. Nice timing then. ;D
Then Nikko almost threw a snail at me and i ran away. LOL. At our group, we found snails and killed them. Found an old ass transfer from like 4 months ago. LOL. Finished our first spot so we moved on to the stairs part. They got hella bags up there. They fooled around so much but they got so much done! Then Frank asked me to go get him a tissue and Gordon told me to get him a bag. I got the bag and Frank's like "I ask you to get me a tissue and you give me a bag..?" LMFAO. That was hella funny. Then Frank asked me to hold open the bag but i didn't so he threatened to rape me. "I'll rape you. Right here, right now." LMFAO.
Went to Mimi's group. Switched groups. Her group is hella quiet. LOL. They're seriously so freaking quiet. It was kinda annoying. Went back to my group and shiet. I don't remember.. I forget hella fast. LOL. Went to Edmond's/my group. They were done so I'm like "Can i have my group back?" LOL. Then Nikko showed me the snails they they made mate. And Erica told me that he put a lady bug between them. Freaking retarded son, messing with snails making love. LOL. Went back up, workwork. Oh, Christian came. He was done dealing drugs. LOL. I told my group that they were the best and they were the one and only. And that i love them.
Lunch time. I don't remember what happened except Filipino boy hitting my ass with a broomstick. LOL. Meanie. Hit Nikko in the balls to show my love. He said i had hella bad aim. I'm like "I don't know where your balls are exactly." They ate. I didn't eat anything. Idk. Helped with the trash. Talked to people. Told my other group that i loved them. They were my one and only, Ectect. Then we took pictures. I was kicking Nikko's ass the whole time. LMFAO. Then he hit me in the balls after. LMAO. Got him back.(:< Then they left and we went too.
At the busstop, me and Nikko were just having war. I kicked him in the ass. And he punched me. It actually hurt one time. LMFAO. I kicked him and he was like "AAHH, i can't feel my ass." LMFAO. Hella funny. Then he sat on the street. And he hit me with a bottle and we both got in trouble with the teacher. LOL. Went on the bus. Sat with Mimi, Filipino boy, Christian, and my sister. Don't remember what we talked about.
Got off, asked Brendan if he was taking the 29. Called my mom to ask her. Then took the 14 home. Went to ABC, then to Safeway, then to Costco. I feel so tired.
"Making promises to break. Fix the mess that i have made."
We got into a circle and said our name and one thing we liked about Excelsior. I said i liked the beautiful murals and paintings and flowers done by the amazing volunteers. LMFAO. We got done with that and got into groups. My group was called "Mt.Everest" oooh yeah.:D No one knew why, sadly. We went and they were just so boring. So lazy and stuff. And Sharon was all complaining about how cold it was, how dirty it was, she was sweeping. Really? It's not even pulled out yet. I ran up to get them shirts and bags. Sharon was like "I want laarge." Shutup, you get what i give you. Andy's medium looked tight on him. LMFAO. I pulled out weeds and shit for a little and got bored so i went to Brendan's group. I saw they had no leader so i made Filipino boy go to them. Worked a little more and went back to them. I was surprised to see that he was actually there. LOL.
Then i made him switch groups with me. My group was lazy and boring. LOL. So i took over his group with Brendan and Frank. Made them work. They actually worked. And fooled around but still, they worked. I kept running to all the groups. I'm a social.:D I got pretty tired. Felt like Ramirez all over again. LOL. I was in charge of bringing the bags up cause i wanted to get buff. But they wouldn't let me. LOL. I kept going from group to group. They called me a group whore. LMFAO. Went to my original group to steal a broom from Andy cause Seward needed it. Then went to work-ish. After a while, I'm like "SHIT." and rushed to give Andy the broom back. I don't need to be abused. LOL. He was like "I was just about to go up there." LMFAO. Nice timing then. ;D
Then Nikko almost threw a snail at me and i ran away. LOL. At our group, we found snails and killed them. Found an old ass transfer from like 4 months ago. LOL. Finished our first spot so we moved on to the stairs part. They got hella bags up there. They fooled around so much but they got so much done! Then Frank asked me to go get him a tissue and Gordon told me to get him a bag. I got the bag and Frank's like "I ask you to get me a tissue and you give me a bag..?" LMFAO. That was hella funny. Then Frank asked me to hold open the bag but i didn't so he threatened to rape me. "I'll rape you. Right here, right now." LMFAO.
Went to Mimi's group. Switched groups. Her group is hella quiet. LOL. They're seriously so freaking quiet. It was kinda annoying. Went back to my group and shiet. I don't remember.. I forget hella fast. LOL. Went to Edmond's/my group. They were done so I'm like "Can i have my group back?" LOL. Then Nikko showed me the snails they they made mate. And Erica told me that he put a lady bug between them. Freaking retarded son, messing with snails making love. LOL. Went back up, workwork. Oh, Christian came. He was done dealing drugs. LOL. I told my group that they were the best and they were the one and only. And that i love them.
Lunch time. I don't remember what happened except Filipino boy hitting my ass with a broomstick. LOL. Meanie. Hit Nikko in the balls to show my love. He said i had hella bad aim. I'm like "I don't know where your balls are exactly." They ate. I didn't eat anything. Idk. Helped with the trash. Talked to people. Told my other group that i loved them. They were my one and only, Ectect. Then we took pictures. I was kicking Nikko's ass the whole time. LMFAO. Then he hit me in the balls after. LMAO. Got him back.(:< Then they left and we went too.
At the busstop, me and Nikko were just having war. I kicked him in the ass. And he punched me. It actually hurt one time. LMFAO. I kicked him and he was like "AAHH, i can't feel my ass." LMFAO. Hella funny. Then he sat on the street. And he hit me with a bottle and we both got in trouble with the teacher. LOL. Went on the bus. Sat with Mimi, Filipino boy, Christian, and my sister. Don't remember what we talked about.
Got off, asked Brendan if he was taking the 29. Called my mom to ask her. Then took the 14 home. Went to ABC, then to Safeway, then to Costco. I feel so tired.
"Making promises to break. Fix the mess that i have made."
I hate waking up so early.
But I'm planting flowers so i guess its worth it. I need to learn to have self control and actually sleep instead of lagging. At least I'm helping the world become greener.:D Mother nature, you better thank me. I'm sacrificing sleep for you.D:
Gymbuddy.
I really miss you, Chris. Like a lot. We had hilarious times in gym together last year. I remember clearly how we met. First day of school, you said you liked my bag. I was really shy and just quietly thanked you. After more compliments and whatnot, I thought you were really cool. We bonded over how hot Nick Jonas was. Remember how obsessed I used to be? Haha. I remember hanging out and you telling me about your guy problems. I specifically remembered one time when you got really emotional so I brought you out of gym for a bit. And me, you, and Crystal would 'rape' each other. I really miss you guys, gymbuddies! You are the only one I allow call me Jess. And Crystal is the only one who could call me Jessie.
We would always talk about the stupid things we did. I remember you told me my love fantasy was cutting myself with a guy and sharing such a beautiful moment together. You guys came up with the craziest things. You understand what its like. We all did stupid things to ourselves. I don't even remember it clearly.xD I loved how happy you always seemed to be even though you had shit to go through. Everyone loved you. I can see why. You're cute, you're smart, very sweet, understanding, fun, ectect. I still have yet to find someone like you. I don't think I ever will.
It sucks how I missed your visit on the last day of school. I heard you came! I hope you're happy and wish you the best. I miss &love you, hun.(:
We would always talk about the stupid things we did. I remember you told me my love fantasy was cutting myself with a guy and sharing such a beautiful moment together. You guys came up with the craziest things. You understand what its like. We all did stupid things to ourselves. I don't even remember it clearly.xD I loved how happy you always seemed to be even though you had shit to go through. Everyone loved you. I can see why. You're cute, you're smart, very sweet, understanding, fun, ectect. I still have yet to find someone like you. I don't think I ever will.
It sucks how I missed your visit on the last day of school. I heard you came! I hope you're happy and wish you the best. I miss &love you, hun.(:
I just noticed that when a girl comes to me with her boy problems, i tend to take the guys side. Well, secretly. I just go along with whatever they say but secretly, i understand why the guy does what he does. Girls, sometimes are so caught up in their own emotions that they don't even bother trying to understand. So i guess, don't come to me with your guy problems. I'll probably take the boy's side. Unless you have a very good side to the story. Try to consider his side, is all I'm going to advise. Look at the situation from an outsiders perspective, please.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Weird dream..
I had a really weird dream.. So it was back to school and i was walking with Y. Catching up and everything. Then i jumped on his back and he was carrying me someplace and H and I walked by and were like "Pink panties." LOL. Then i was gonna leave to class when Y was like "Wait, where's my kiss?" Haha. Theen i was with this one guy, i don't remember who he was. But we were hanging out and messing around. We weren't even at school anymore. I had no idea where we were but it was crazy. Then suddenly i fell into a lake or something. And D randomly showed up and saved me. Why was he in my dream? I have NO idea. I don't even talk to him. Like at all.O__o But he saved me. And i had a broken arm or leg or something. D just saved me and ran away. LMFAO. Then the random guy i was hanging out with.. he didn't even go to our school. He was much older. College, maybe.. But anyway we got that dealt with and i went back to class.
D smiled at me and i just looked away. I don't know why. Got through that class and it was after school already. I went over to the table that D was at and thanked him for saving my life. Then punched him on the arm a little as a sign of thanks.. LOL. Then they gave me some sushi and i left. LMFAO. I ran to find my mom and luckily i got to her before she could leave. I told her that Teresa was still at school and she was like "Okay, she's just gonna go home by herself."
Then me and Mimi had to find some new place for Out of Site. We were thinking Bal Park. But its too close to Bal and too much people from our school would be there. And suddenly, we saw this beautiful grassy field next to some kids playground. The lady told us that if we left any trash, some machine would clean up after us. We told her about Out of Site and what they do and she agreed to let us use the park.
Then i was suddenly at my cousin's house with my dad. And something happened, i don't remember what. But it was pretty interesting. But we ate, and then my dad confessed to me that he's been sleeping with guys and girls for money. And I'm just like "Okay....". Awkward, eh? But yeah, it was a pretty interesting dream.
I wonder why certain people were in my dream. Like..what the fuck? LOL. Interesting though.
D smiled at me and i just looked away. I don't know why. Got through that class and it was after school already. I went over to the table that D was at and thanked him for saving my life. Then punched him on the arm a little as a sign of thanks.. LOL. Then they gave me some sushi and i left. LMFAO. I ran to find my mom and luckily i got to her before she could leave. I told her that Teresa was still at school and she was like "Okay, she's just gonna go home by herself."
Then me and Mimi had to find some new place for Out of Site. We were thinking Bal Park. But its too close to Bal and too much people from our school would be there. And suddenly, we saw this beautiful grassy field next to some kids playground. The lady told us that if we left any trash, some machine would clean up after us. We told her about Out of Site and what they do and she agreed to let us use the park.
Then i was suddenly at my cousin's house with my dad. And something happened, i don't remember what. But it was pretty interesting. But we ate, and then my dad confessed to me that he's been sleeping with guys and girls for money. And I'm just like "Okay....". Awkward, eh? But yeah, it was a pretty interesting dream.
I wonder why certain people were in my dream. Like..what the fuck? LOL. Interesting though.
Hmm.
Dear baby brother/sister,
I read someone's blog and i got to thinking.. What if you never died? Or..murdered. You never even got a chance. It's heartbreaking when innocent children are killed. I never thought about you before. You know, just some sibling i would've had. But now that i think about it. I want to know you. I'm sure you wouldn't waste your life like me. You deserve to live more than i do. Can we switch places? I would never exist and you would be what? 13 now? I've always wanted a little brother. One i could mess with. One who would get on my nerves and everything. My little sister is fine but I've always wanted a brother. I just have a feeling that you were a boy.(: Even mom thinks so. She would've named you Jacky, if you'd like to know. Such a typical Asian boy name, huh?
Well, i know that we would've been close. You would keep me away from doing things that I'd regret. You would make me talk to you. We would be really close. Unlike now. I'm not close to my family at all. I'm in my own world. But if you were born, would Teresa be born? I don't think they would have 3 children. I'm sorry. It was because of me that you weren't given a chance at life. If i wasn't born, they would have enough money to raise you. You would've actually saw the world. Sorry that the family was so poor. We couldn't afford you. You had your life taken away though. And you were so innocent. So pure. And just like that, you were killed by some doctor who doesn't have sympathy for living things.
I hope you're doing well where ever you are. I know that you would've been beautiful. Very smart. Very charming. You would've been perfect. A real heart breaker. The ladies will never know what hit them. Hopefully, you cherish your gift. Don't use it in the wrong way. Haha. I hope that your afterlife is everything that life isn't. It can be hell sometimes. But you should've be given the chance to hate life yourself. How's afterlife? Is it everything i imagine it to be? No pain. No emotions. No nothing? Must be what bliss feels like right? But you wouldn't know happiness until you faced depression.
Am i right? Well, baby brother. I really wish i could've met you. I'm sorry to say that mom barely mentions you. She doesn't feel the pain. She doesn't know. You know how she is.. You've spent a fair amount of time in her stomach. And dad. He's not doing so well at the moment. But he's not making a change. You never met him but you probably wouldn't like him. He's really lazy and tries to get everything easy. He's smelly and nasty. Just gross and uncomfortable.
Don't ever think you are not loved. I'm sure that both mom and dad wanted a boy. You would've been their favorite, I'm sure. You would've been everyone's favorite. Teresa is mom and dad's favorite. And i don't mind anymore. It just doesn't hurt anymore. You deserve to live. You do. It was fate. Cruel, sick fate. But everything happens for a reason. I do have Teresa and you're somewhere safe. Away from the pain and torture that comes along with this sick world. You deserve the best. You deserve to be happy. And maybe you wouldn't have been. I know for sure i don't fit in with a world like this.
Take care. I really wish i could have met you.
Your bigsister,
JessicaLing(:
I read someone's blog and i got to thinking.. What if you never died? Or..murdered. You never even got a chance. It's heartbreaking when innocent children are killed. I never thought about you before. You know, just some sibling i would've had. But now that i think about it. I want to know you. I'm sure you wouldn't waste your life like me. You deserve to live more than i do. Can we switch places? I would never exist and you would be what? 13 now? I've always wanted a little brother. One i could mess with. One who would get on my nerves and everything. My little sister is fine but I've always wanted a brother. I just have a feeling that you were a boy.(: Even mom thinks so. She would've named you Jacky, if you'd like to know. Such a typical Asian boy name, huh?
Well, i know that we would've been close. You would keep me away from doing things that I'd regret. You would make me talk to you. We would be really close. Unlike now. I'm not close to my family at all. I'm in my own world. But if you were born, would Teresa be born? I don't think they would have 3 children. I'm sorry. It was because of me that you weren't given a chance at life. If i wasn't born, they would have enough money to raise you. You would've actually saw the world. Sorry that the family was so poor. We couldn't afford you. You had your life taken away though. And you were so innocent. So pure. And just like that, you were killed by some doctor who doesn't have sympathy for living things.
I hope you're doing well where ever you are. I know that you would've been beautiful. Very smart. Very charming. You would've been perfect. A real heart breaker. The ladies will never know what hit them. Hopefully, you cherish your gift. Don't use it in the wrong way. Haha. I hope that your afterlife is everything that life isn't. It can be hell sometimes. But you should've be given the chance to hate life yourself. How's afterlife? Is it everything i imagine it to be? No pain. No emotions. No nothing? Must be what bliss feels like right? But you wouldn't know happiness until you faced depression.
Am i right? Well, baby brother. I really wish i could've met you. I'm sorry to say that mom barely mentions you. She doesn't feel the pain. She doesn't know. You know how she is.. You've spent a fair amount of time in her stomach. And dad. He's not doing so well at the moment. But he's not making a change. You never met him but you probably wouldn't like him. He's really lazy and tries to get everything easy. He's smelly and nasty. Just gross and uncomfortable.
Don't ever think you are not loved. I'm sure that both mom and dad wanted a boy. You would've been their favorite, I'm sure. You would've been everyone's favorite. Teresa is mom and dad's favorite. And i don't mind anymore. It just doesn't hurt anymore. You deserve to live. You do. It was fate. Cruel, sick fate. But everything happens for a reason. I do have Teresa and you're somewhere safe. Away from the pain and torture that comes along with this sick world. You deserve the best. You deserve to be happy. And maybe you wouldn't have been. I know for sure i don't fit in with a world like this.
Take care. I really wish i could have met you.
Your bigsister,
JessicaLing(:
Monday, June 21, 2010
Creepy icecream man &staring boy.
So i went to community service. Talked to Esmerelda and Eric a little bit. Pretty awkward. Then then we were going outside, Mimi was there. We carried and loaded the shit into the car. Edmond called Mimi and we said we were almost there. We got there. Messed around a bit and set up. Threw things at Filipino boy. LMAO, i don't know why it was so funny but it was.xD We got started. It was so freaking windy today.-__- And we didn't have a cloth to wipe the chalk off. And we kinda messed up. LOL. I barely did anything.:D There was this guy who walked by us and kept staring at us so i told them to stare back and he'd go away. We started gossiping. Talking about how wrong she was. And how she wanted me the whole time. Her STDs. Her stealing my penis. Cause i was pretending to fuck this guy as he was walking. She was like "Oh please. If you were hard, you'd send him all the way to China." LOL.
And there was this icecream man. He seemed to be staring at us. When he turned around, i blew him a kiss. LMAO. Then when Mimi tried, he almost turned around and saw her. LMFAO. I hid behind Esmerelda's car. LOL. Then we were 'shaking our asses' to him. LOL he didn't see of course. Then we put clear coat. I said to just dip your hand in and rub all over. LMFAO. Hella messy job today. Counted cars on freeway. Lost count after like 70-something. What else? Oh, we know its a blackguy who tagged our wall cause we found a bucket of fried chicken. LMFAO.
Then we went over to the guys. Joked around just a little bit. Took pictures of our wall but it was blurry cause its too zoomed. Or it was hard to see since it's yellow on yellow. LOL. Then we squeezed in together in a tiny car. LOL. Filipino boy is hella funny. "Let's all squish him. He's so squishy!" IDK, but it made me laugh really hard. He's hilarious.xD Christian got lucky and sat in front. Unsquished.D: I tripped on the stairs and accidentally touched Edmonds ass. LMFAO. My baad.xD Then waited for the bus. Talked about the bus having the "EMERGENCY. PLEASE CALL 911." We were confused whether we should call 911 or not. Or if we should get on or not. LOL. So we were too scared. We got on the next one. Right after Mimi's brother came to pick her up. Christian waited for the bus with us. Then he left.
Edmond got off and me and my sister went home. Funish day.(:
"If timing's everything, stop telling me you're taking your time."
And there was this icecream man. He seemed to be staring at us. When he turned around, i blew him a kiss. LMAO. Then when Mimi tried, he almost turned around and saw her. LMFAO. I hid behind Esmerelda's car. LOL. Then we were 'shaking our asses' to him. LOL he didn't see of course. Then we put clear coat. I said to just dip your hand in and rub all over. LMFAO. Hella messy job today. Counted cars on freeway. Lost count after like 70-something. What else? Oh, we know its a blackguy who tagged our wall cause we found a bucket of fried chicken. LMFAO.
Then we went over to the guys. Joked around just a little bit. Took pictures of our wall but it was blurry cause its too zoomed. Or it was hard to see since it's yellow on yellow. LOL. Then we squeezed in together in a tiny car. LOL. Filipino boy is hella funny. "Let's all squish him. He's so squishy!" IDK, but it made me laugh really hard. He's hilarious.xD Christian got lucky and sat in front. Unsquished.D: I tripped on the stairs and accidentally touched Edmonds ass. LMFAO. My baad.xD Then waited for the bus. Talked about the bus having the "EMERGENCY. PLEASE CALL 911." We were confused whether we should call 911 or not. Or if we should get on or not. LOL. So we were too scared. We got on the next one. Right after Mimi's brother came to pick her up. Christian waited for the bus with us. Then he left.
Edmond got off and me and my sister went home. Funish day.(:
"If timing's everything, stop telling me you're taking your time."
LMFAO.
This is so entertaining. First they made me wanna cry, now I'm laughing my ass off. LMFAO. Just when i need to get reminded why i have no girl friends, i see guys wrestling and its the most hilarious thing ever. Totally made my crappy day better. I started laughing really hard.XD
-__-
Thanks for letting me sleep for 5 hours. Seriously grateful. I got my butt up and ready this morning to find that community service started really late. If any volunteers get pissed at me. I am not fucking dealing with it. I'm tired and my vaginas bleeding. You really shouldn't mess with my sleep at a time like this. It's really a no brainer when to give us a time. No promises that I'm going to be there. I most likely will just cause I'm going crazy without people around. I need to socialize.-__- And i love my boys.:D
Anyway, please be more fucking professional next time.
Thank you. Have a nice day.(:
Anyway, please be more fucking professional next time.
Thank you. Have a nice day.(:
Uhh.
It isn't like Esmerelda at all to not get back to us. She said there was community service today. So i got our people. Then she never tells us what time or got back to us. Not to the emails or phone calls. I'm wondering if we should show up.. I guess we'll arrive at 10 cause thats when it usually starts. And hope that she's there with the supplies and this is just some misunderstanding.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
No respect.
You have lost all of whatever respect i had for you. I never really cared what you did but this is just wrong. And not only for you. Some things are better kept to yourself. And you seem pretty full of yourself. That explains the 'pain' that you claim you're in. Let me just tell you, i am scarred for fucking life. I could've gotten through my whole entire life without knowing what i know know. So thanks, for corrupting a perfectly innocent mind. Okay.. Maybe not that innocent. But i still didn't need to know that. At all. Where's your dignity and self respect? Down the drain. You're truly pathetic.
Enjoy the trainwreck that you call life. You deserve everything that's coming to you. The pain, the heartace, the emptiness. Every single thing. You brought it upon yourself.
Enjoy the trainwreck that you call life. You deserve everything that's coming to you. The pain, the heartace, the emptiness. Every single thing. You brought it upon yourself.
Summer job.(:
I was complaining to my mom how i couldn't do the internship this year cause of China and she told me that her friend's sister-in-law owns this icecream selling thing at Fisherman's Warf where they only accept high schoolers looking for summer jobs. $10 an hour. And just cause of my connections, i don't need an interview or anything. I just have to visit and get her to like me. Then i have the job. Ahaha. So next year, i can pick between the internship and the icecream job. It's so far.D: But architecture is more than boring. But i have friends there. But then again, i can make new friends. Everyone knows that's not a problem for me. Plus it will be social. And I'm just really good with people. So if i don't get the internship, i can always get that job.:D Much more money anyway. Problem is, we don't know if i have to be 16 or 17. If I'm suppose to be 17, I'll do the internship for that year, then do the icecream job the year after.
I like having options. It's just that i don't what to pick. I think that getting in won't really be a problem for either. Adults just naturally like me. Unless they see me with my friends and stuff as a first impression. LOL. Well, i got a year or two to choose.(: Seems like a pretty good job though. All kids. We get to pick our own hours. Very social. I have connections. Mom, you're so useful sometimes.:D <3 Why didn't you tell me about this sooner? LOL.
I like having options. It's just that i don't what to pick. I think that getting in won't really be a problem for either. Adults just naturally like me. Unless they see me with my friends and stuff as a first impression. LOL. Well, i got a year or two to choose.(: Seems like a pretty good job though. All kids. We get to pick our own hours. Very social. I have connections. Mom, you're so useful sometimes.:D <3 Why didn't you tell me about this sooner? LOL.
Got ma book.(:
Today, i woke up around 1. Ate. Took a shower, then my mom's bf drove me to Borders. Me and my sister walked around couldn't find the section. LMAO. We walked around like idiots. Then we found it and i found Black Boy but i couldn't find China Boy or whatever. Then my sister asked me what color it was and she immediately spotted it. LOL, problem was, it was on the top shelf. It was hella high. And my shortass didn't wanna reach for it or anything. So me and my sister were laughing our butts off. And there was this one Chinese lady sitting down who kept staring at me.
Eventually, after practicing elsewhere, i stepped on the bottom shelf, got it, walked away quickly, then bursted out laughing again. Ahaha, this book better be worth it. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou.(: The thing that got me interested was that the girl got raped by her stepdad. I was like "Oooh, i wanna read this." LOL.
That's it.:D Have a wonderful day, ya'll.(:
"I don't know where i belong."
Eventually, after practicing elsewhere, i stepped on the bottom shelf, got it, walked away quickly, then bursted out laughing again. Ahaha, this book better be worth it. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou.(: The thing that got me interested was that the girl got raped by her stepdad. I was like "Oooh, i wanna read this." LOL.
That's it.:D Have a wonderful day, ya'll.(:
"I don't know where i belong."
I eat waay too much.
I eat like two times the amount of food as everyone else. I'm sincerely afraid that it's gonna catch up to me. Never fear, if i get too fat, I'll start exercising. My house in china is on the 7th floor anyway. Ms.Ramirez's bleachers all over again. Everyday at least 2+ times a day. That's a lot.. Haha. I am going to stay in shape and eat as much as i please.(:
Bonding.
Had bonding time with my mommy right at first.(: Talked about her childhood. Pretty hilarious. Haven't laughed that hard in days.
Talking about buying used books online.
Me- "Should i buy it online? It's way cheaper."
Her- "Eh.. Too much work. Don't buy things that are used. It might have AIDS.."
Me- -LMFAO- "What the hell?"
LMFAO. Haven't had one of these moments with my mom in hella long.(:
Talking about buying used books online.
Me- "Should i buy it online? It's way cheaper."
Her- "Eh.. Too much work. Don't buy things that are used. It might have AIDS.."
Me- -LMFAO- "What the hell?"
LMFAO. Haven't had one of these moments with my mom in hella long.(:
11:11
I hate how i've been missing 11:11 by one fucking minute for the past few days. Once, i got out of the shower at 11:12. Yesterday, i looked at the time at exactly 11:12. Then today i missed it by 2 minutes.-__- Bryan says it happened ever since i got back from his house but i think its just fate messing with me. I keep missing it by a goddamn minute. Oh well, i don't have much to wish for anyway.
Boredom.
I am seriously too freaking bored right now. So bored that i made a tumblr. O__o jessicaaaling.tumblr.com if you wanna stalk it. I don't know why you would. I'm gonna post the same things. This is gonna be my main one, of course. I don't even know why i made one, to be honest. And jessicaaling.tumblr.com, if you can guess the password, you'll know all my deep dark secrets.. Once i post them, i mean. Ahaha. Good luck.
Strangers.
Dear strangers/future friends,
First if all, i love meeting new people. I really do. Because you don't know anything about me. And that makes me feel a little better and less insecure. Cause once you get to know me, i am sick. I am a very cruel, sick, awful person. You don't wanna get to know me. I seem to get along with guys so easily, i don't even try. But if you're a girl reading this, beware. One simple fact you should know about me; i hate girls. I hate them until they give me a reason not to. I know, i know. How the hell does that work? I don't know. They just make me sick. If you wanna try to be my friend though, I'm all for it. Please, go ahead. I could really use more girl friends. Or just friends in general. So unless you're extremely confident that you're gonna win me over, watch your back. I am fake. And i can act better than you think i can. Haha, if you're still interested in trying to be my friend, go for it. I'm a lot to handle. I will drive you fucking nuts and make you wanna shoot yourself. I can be a handful, and very immature.
My emotions change quicker than i can process. I can be having a lovely conversation with you and a second later, i will be really bored and try to end the conversation. Or if someone more interesting or more important talks to me also, i will totally forget about you. I'm horrible, i know. I am easy to deal with if we're not close. Then you'll see a happy, bubbly girl who loves to have fun and is so carefree. Well, i have more on my shoulders than you think. And i am a type of girl who gets bored with people and things rather quick. One day, i can be really eager to see you and talk to you. Then the next, I'm avoiding and ignoring you. I want what i can't have. And i don't notice if someone's mad or ignoring me cause i couldn't care less. They can be mad at me for a month or two and i would have no idea cause i never actually cared about them. They just didn't know that.
I am a bad person. Very sick and cruel. Don't be friends with me. I am not normal, i swear that i belong in a mental hospital. When we first become friends, I'm gonna be so excited and everything. Then i meet someone new and i totally drop you. That's how i am. I'm a bitch. A heartless bitch. I've been through a lot, emotionally, so don't even try to play games. You can't hurt me. You can't hurt me.
So, Stranger, do you really still wanna know me?
Love,
JessicaLing(:
First if all, i love meeting new people. I really do. Because you don't know anything about me. And that makes me feel a little better and less insecure. Cause once you get to know me, i am sick. I am a very cruel, sick, awful person. You don't wanna get to know me. I seem to get along with guys so easily, i don't even try. But if you're a girl reading this, beware. One simple fact you should know about me; i hate girls. I hate them until they give me a reason not to. I know, i know. How the hell does that work? I don't know. They just make me sick. If you wanna try to be my friend though, I'm all for it. Please, go ahead. I could really use more girl friends. Or just friends in general. So unless you're extremely confident that you're gonna win me over, watch your back. I am fake. And i can act better than you think i can. Haha, if you're still interested in trying to be my friend, go for it. I'm a lot to handle. I will drive you fucking nuts and make you wanna shoot yourself. I can be a handful, and very immature.
My emotions change quicker than i can process. I can be having a lovely conversation with you and a second later, i will be really bored and try to end the conversation. Or if someone more interesting or more important talks to me also, i will totally forget about you. I'm horrible, i know. I am easy to deal with if we're not close. Then you'll see a happy, bubbly girl who loves to have fun and is so carefree. Well, i have more on my shoulders than you think. And i am a type of girl who gets bored with people and things rather quick. One day, i can be really eager to see you and talk to you. Then the next, I'm avoiding and ignoring you. I want what i can't have. And i don't notice if someone's mad or ignoring me cause i couldn't care less. They can be mad at me for a month or two and i would have no idea cause i never actually cared about them. They just didn't know that.
I am a bad person. Very sick and cruel. Don't be friends with me. I am not normal, i swear that i belong in a mental hospital. When we first become friends, I'm gonna be so excited and everything. Then i meet someone new and i totally drop you. That's how i am. I'm a bitch. A heartless bitch. I've been through a lot, emotionally, so don't even try to play games. You can't hurt me. You can't hurt me.
So, Stranger, do you really still wanna know me?
Love,
JessicaLing(:
Karate Kid.
Good movie.:D Made me wanna learn kungfu. But it made me scared to also cause they have to fight each other and stuff. LOL. Maybe i should. Maybe i should just go to China and learn for a few weeks.xD Yaknow, kick some butts? Get my ass kicked. Haha, very entertaining though.(:
Is it wrong that i found the Chinese kids totally attractive when they were kicking arse? Haha.
Is it wrong that i found the Chinese kids totally attractive when they were kicking arse? Haha.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
'Cause i'm cute.
jessicaling0 9:38 pm
(9:38:32 PM): i get away with being creepy and weird cause im cute?
(9:38:33 PM): LMFAO
(9:38:36 PM): <3
RAWRR 9:38 pm
(9:38:41 PM): yes(:
(9:38:47 PM): cause you're adorable(:
I get to get away with being a creep cause i'm cute. LMFAO. Nice to know.:D
(9:38:32 PM): i get away with being creepy and weird cause im cute?
(9:38:33 PM): LMFAO
(9:38:36 PM): <3
RAWRR 9:38 pm
(9:38:41 PM): yes(:
(9:38:47 PM): cause you're adorable(:
I get to get away with being a creep cause i'm cute. LMFAO. Nice to know.:D
I'm so fucking sick.
It's hilarious. I wouldn't change it for a thing!
Boys, i advise you stay far away from me. Or..just wear a cup. And not try to rape me? Bad things would happen to your precious family jewels.
Boys, i advise you stay far away from me. Or..just wear a cup. And not try to rape me? Bad things would happen to your precious family jewels.
Well, life.
Well life, i have learned once again that i shouldn't take things for granted. Everything that i have now can be taken away from me in a second. Being without something that made me so happy didn't kill me. I learned these things the hard way.-__- But i guess that's the only way I'll actually pay attention and learn. Thanks for taking him away though. Couldn't you have taken someone else away? Someone less important? But that's for giving him back.
Not only have i learned to cherish what i have, it also taught me that if i want something. I should made it happen. I shoulddn't wallow in depression or keep wishing for it to happen. I would have to gather my courage, suck up my pride, and make the first move. That was scary as hell, but I'm happy i did it.
And, i shouldn't avoid my problems. If we talked sooner, we could've avoided SO much pain. Such a long time where i just felt..empty. And i didn't do anything about it cause i was afraid. So yeah life, sometimes i hate you, but you teach me things. things that i would only accept and learn if i have experienced it myself.
Next time, make it easier for me, please.
Not only have i learned to cherish what i have, it also taught me that if i want something. I should made it happen. I shoulddn't wallow in depression or keep wishing for it to happen. I would have to gather my courage, suck up my pride, and make the first move. That was scary as hell, but I'm happy i did it.
And, i shouldn't avoid my problems. If we talked sooner, we could've avoided SO much pain. Such a long time where i just felt..empty. And i didn't do anything about it cause i was afraid. So yeah life, sometimes i hate you, but you teach me things. things that i would only accept and learn if i have experienced it myself.
Next time, make it easier for me, please.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Mimi's shiet.
What's your name?
Jessica.
How old are you?
14.
Do you like your age?
I feel hella young when i hang out with my older friends.-__-
Who's the most annoying person to you?
A lot of people.
Who's the sweetest person you know?
My darling lowgong is quite the sweet talker.
Will you have kids?
If i even find someone..
How many?
Two. Preferably twins. LOL. Get it over with at once.
GPA?
3.5!!!<3
What's the last fanfiction you've read?
Andy?
What is it about?
This suicidal girl who has an abusive mom and she moves in with JB for the time which they are in the area before going off to tour.. LOL.
Name one thing that's next to you:
Ipod.
What are you feeling right now?
Tired and bored.
Who do you like?
_____? Or _____.. I'm confused about my feelings.-__-
Why?
Cause i'm not sure if i like them like that. But the other, i've liked him for pretty long.. Then again, i liked the other one for a while in the beginning. for a week? LOL. Fuck my love life.
How?
In the ass!
Do you hate me for asking these questions?
LOL no..?
What was the last thing you've watched on TV?
Family guy.(:
What are you doing this summer?
Hanging out. China.
Are you nervous?
Ohh, the nervous game! I win at that. Don't even try.
What are you listening to?
Family Guy on tv. And Emotionless- Good Charlotte.
What are you wearing?
Clothes.
Make up on?
Nope.
Who's your last text message?
"LOL. You're better than your sister and her bf? ;D Eh, Jaime wants me to dust my room. Sorry for late reply.-__-" Ahah.(:
What's a funny item in your room?
Condoms?
What question do you want?
About my penis.
What's the first name of your first friend?
April? Angie, shit her name is Winnie. LOL. Either Winnie or April.xD I don't know who i met first.
Have you ever lied?
Who hasn't?
About what?
Many things.
What makes you crazy?
Boys drive me crazy. Guy problems. I drive myself crazy.
Got someone you miss?
Maybe.
Who?
They know who they are.
Where do you want to visit this Summer?
Your bedroom?(;
What scares you?
Your face.
Last book you've read?
From Wild To Child..?
The earliest memory you have?
Can't remember. LOL.
Do you have a good memory?
Mhmm.
Do you like rainbows?
I love rainbows.(;
What is your biggest wish?
To be happy and surrounded with wonderful people.
What is your worst fear?
To become a failure.
Do you believe in god?
No. Fuck that shit. You're lucky STAC is beauty sleeping.
Have you been bullied?
Yes.
When?
In the past.
What makes you mad about most guys?
This is kinda hard.. They're confusing. They like to lead people on. They flirt too much. They have this charm that attracts you to them, then they drop you. Basically, if i don't like you, i won't have a problem with you.
What makes you mad about most girls?
LOL existing.
What's the most scared you've ever been?
I don't remember..
Have you've ever been told you're pretty?
I get told that a lot.-____- People be trippin these days.
Have you've ever been told you're ugly?
In a joking way, yeah. Probably in a serious way too. I agree.:D
What would you buy at McDonalds if you HAD to?
McChicken?:D
Do you believe in wishes?
I learned that they don't work unless you MAKE it happen.
Have you've ever stopped reading a book after 20pages?
Yes. ADD.
Have you've ever NOT showered for a week?
Yeaaa.D:
What name do you want for your baby boy?
BOB.
What name do you want for your baby girl?
Carl. Yes, i am aware.
Who do you talk to the most?
Mimi...?
Ever farted in class?
LOL.. what the hell...
Did you ever finish a jigsaw puzzle in real life?
No shiet.
Is this long enough? -___-
What? OH.
This or That
Chocolate or Spiders?
-__- I eat chocolate when i'm depressed.
Spiders or Butterfly?
EWEWEW. NEITHER.-__-
Milk or Orange Juice?
Orange Juice.
iPhone or BlackBerry?
Blackberry.(:
Long hair or short hair?
Long.
Doctors or Dentist?
Doctors.
Cats or Dogs?
Dogs.
Day or Night?
Night.
Harry Potter or Twilight?
Neither, ew. But Harry Potter. LOL.
Jessica.
How old are you?
14.
Do you like your age?
I feel hella young when i hang out with my older friends.-__-
Who's the most annoying person to you?
A lot of people.
Who's the sweetest person you know?
My darling lowgong is quite the sweet talker.
Will you have kids?
If i even find someone..
How many?
Two. Preferably twins. LOL. Get it over with at once.
GPA?
3.5!!!<3
What's the last fanfiction you've read?
Andy?
What is it about?
This suicidal girl who has an abusive mom and she moves in with JB for the time which they are in the area before going off to tour.. LOL.
Name one thing that's next to you:
Ipod.
What are you feeling right now?
Tired and bored.
Who do you like?
_____? Or _____.. I'm confused about my feelings.-__-
Why?
Cause i'm not sure if i like them like that. But the other, i've liked him for pretty long.. Then again, i liked the other one for a while in the beginning. for a week? LOL. Fuck my love life.
How?
In the ass!
Do you hate me for asking these questions?
LOL no..?
What was the last thing you've watched on TV?
Family guy.(:
What are you doing this summer?
Hanging out. China.
Are you nervous?
Ohh, the nervous game! I win at that. Don't even try.
What are you listening to?
Family Guy on tv. And Emotionless- Good Charlotte.
What are you wearing?
Clothes.
Make up on?
Nope.
Who's your last text message?
"LOL. You're better than your sister and her bf? ;D Eh, Jaime wants me to dust my room. Sorry for late reply.-__-" Ahah.(:
What's a funny item in your room?
Condoms?
What question do you want?
About my penis.
What's the first name of your first friend?
April? Angie, shit her name is Winnie. LOL. Either Winnie or April.xD I don't know who i met first.
Have you ever lied?
Who hasn't?
About what?
Many things.
What makes you crazy?
Boys drive me crazy. Guy problems. I drive myself crazy.
Got someone you miss?
Maybe.
Who?
They know who they are.
Where do you want to visit this Summer?
Your bedroom?(;
What scares you?
Your face.
Last book you've read?
From Wild To Child..?
The earliest memory you have?
Can't remember. LOL.
Do you have a good memory?
Mhmm.
Do you like rainbows?
I love rainbows.(;
What is your biggest wish?
To be happy and surrounded with wonderful people.
What is your worst fear?
To become a failure.
Do you believe in god?
No. Fuck that shit. You're lucky STAC is beauty sleeping.
Have you been bullied?
Yes.
When?
In the past.
What makes you mad about most guys?
This is kinda hard.. They're confusing. They like to lead people on. They flirt too much. They have this charm that attracts you to them, then they drop you. Basically, if i don't like you, i won't have a problem with you.
What makes you mad about most girls?
LOL existing.
What's the most scared you've ever been?
I don't remember..
Have you've ever been told you're pretty?
I get told that a lot.-____- People be trippin these days.
Have you've ever been told you're ugly?
In a joking way, yeah. Probably in a serious way too. I agree.:D
What would you buy at McDonalds if you HAD to?
McChicken?:D
Do you believe in wishes?
I learned that they don't work unless you MAKE it happen.
Have you've ever stopped reading a book after 20pages?
Yes. ADD.
Have you've ever NOT showered for a week?
Yeaaa.D:
What name do you want for your baby boy?
BOB.
What name do you want for your baby girl?
Carl. Yes, i am aware.
Who do you talk to the most?
Mimi...?
Ever farted in class?
LOL.. what the hell...
Did you ever finish a jigsaw puzzle in real life?
No shiet.
Is this long enough? -___-
What? OH.
This or That
Chocolate or Spiders?
-__- I eat chocolate when i'm depressed.
Spiders or Butterfly?
EWEWEW. NEITHER.-__-
Milk or Orange Juice?
Orange Juice.
iPhone or BlackBerry?
Blackberry.(:
Long hair or short hair?
Long.
Doctors or Dentist?
Doctors.
Cats or Dogs?
Dogs.
Day or Night?
Night.
Harry Potter or Twilight?
Neither, ew. But Harry Potter. LOL.
Subject Changing.
I just noticed i am pretty good with changing the subject. I think my randomness helps a lot. LOL.
LMFAO!
Alex- "Not everyone knows that my penis bends to the left. A little bit."
Jack- -"Actually, yeah, i wrote that. I wrote that your penis just bends sideways."
Alex- "It doesn't bend! It just...sits to the left."
Alex- "My best feature is probably my curvy blue penis."
Jack- "DAMMIT. I wrote your perky nipples.
Jack- "If i had one word to describe my breath would be mintyfresh but..
Alex- "I said egregious.."
Jack- "What does that even mean?"
Alex- "Conspicuous?"
Jack- "You can't use words like that! You know i didn't go to college, man."
Alex- "We were a collective group in high school. Rian..Rian was fat as hell.. No justkidding but he was P-H-A-T as hell. Phat as heeeeelll.
Rian- "I was fat.."
"Little do you know, Megan Fox has a penis."
Alex- "I will never ever ever ever read Twilight. And here's why. I am a vampire and they portray us all wrong. Because you can't fall in love with us. Cause rather than making sweet, sweet love to you, i'll fucking eat your throat and drink your blood. And that's all we care about."
Alex- "One thing you wish you had."
Jack- "Herpes."
Alex- "They're on next so better get over there. Get front row."
Girl- "I'm not dressed for front row.."
Alex- "Fuck it. Get fucking naked and get up there. Screw it."
-when she walks away-
Alex- -whispers- "She's such a babe. She's such a babe!"
LMFAO. Oh you guys, be my best friends.<3 Totally made my day.
Jack- -"Actually, yeah, i wrote that. I wrote that your penis just bends sideways."
Alex- "It doesn't bend! It just...sits to the left."
Alex- "My best feature is probably my curvy blue penis."
Jack- "DAMMIT. I wrote your perky nipples.
Jack- "If i had one word to describe my breath would be mintyfresh but..
Alex- "I said egregious.."
Jack- "What does that even mean?"
Alex- "Conspicuous?"
Jack- "You can't use words like that! You know i didn't go to college, man."
Alex- "We were a collective group in high school. Rian..Rian was fat as hell.. No justkidding but he was P-H-A-T as hell. Phat as heeeeelll.
Rian- "I was fat.."
"Little do you know, Megan Fox has a penis."
Alex- "I will never ever ever ever read Twilight. And here's why. I am a vampire and they portray us all wrong. Because you can't fall in love with us. Cause rather than making sweet, sweet love to you, i'll fucking eat your throat and drink your blood. And that's all we care about."
Alex- "One thing you wish you had."
Jack- "Herpes."
Alex- "They're on next so better get over there. Get front row."
Girl- "I'm not dressed for front row.."
Alex- "Fuck it. Get fucking naked and get up there. Screw it."
-when she walks away-
Alex- -whispers- "She's such a babe. She's such a babe!"
LMFAO. Oh you guys, be my best friends.<3 Totally made my day.
Todaay..
Today, i went shopping with family. Apparently some sale at Macy's or something. O_o So i woke up super early. Texted Bryan. Then got up and talked to Jammy for a while. Our convo turned into a convo about Tentacle Porn. LMFAO. He seriously thinks I'm mental, I'll bet.D: Then talked to Mimi a little. Then me and Jammy left to shower. Uuh, Mimi told me about her dream? Oh yeah! My dream. So there was these two guys talking and one of the guys asked the other guy if he liked girls with big balls. And i was like "O__o I HAVE BIG BALLS." or something. LMFAO. Then i made sure to remember it, even when i was still dreaming. I don't know how that happened but yeah. LOL. That's how convinced i am that i have a penis. Even my subconscious knows. Then again, my subconscious is mental. Giving me the most random dreams and daydreams.xD
Mimi's brother had a flat tire or something so they couldn't pick up her dad. Yep, we all got ready and left. Looked at condoms in Target. Told my mom there was this lube that would warm up when you touch it or something and she's like "OOH, really?". I'm like "It's not massage oil.." and she's like "Oh.." -walks away- LOL. When old ladies past, i played it off like i wasn't looking at condoms and stuff. LMFAO. Yeah, fail. Then me and my sister got bored and left. Went to Nina's. Got this hotpink hoodie.:D She got a hotpink and black plaid shirt. It's hot. Fersure.(;
Went to HotTopic and the emptiness in there was awkward so we left. Went to...oh yeah, SANRIO. Bought a HelloKitty anklet. Pretty cheap for Sanrio. My sister gave $5 cause she's nice. And i used the birthday card.XD Then went with mom and they bought shoes and bed shits. Felt really depressed at that moment for some reason. Something about tutoring next year if i don't get a 3.67.-__- Fuckher.
Then went to eaat. She gave me a $20 and let us buy food. Got icecream and fries. While we were eating, my mom was like "Man, we could've just ate Pho. LMFAO. We were too blind tgo see the pho place.-__- Whatever. The icecream made me feel better. Now i need more surveys from Myspace to entertain myself but there's no more since bulletins expire.): Kay, I'm broke now so time to massage my mom for money. LOL.
Mimi's brother had a flat tire or something so they couldn't pick up her dad. Yep, we all got ready and left. Looked at condoms in Target. Told my mom there was this lube that would warm up when you touch it or something and she's like "OOH, really?". I'm like "It's not massage oil.." and she's like "Oh.." -walks away- LOL. When old ladies past, i played it off like i wasn't looking at condoms and stuff. LMFAO. Yeah, fail. Then me and my sister got bored and left. Went to Nina's. Got this hotpink hoodie.:D She got a hotpink and black plaid shirt. It's hot. Fersure.(;
Went to HotTopic and the emptiness in there was awkward so we left. Went to...oh yeah, SANRIO. Bought a HelloKitty anklet. Pretty cheap for Sanrio. My sister gave $5 cause she's nice. And i used the birthday card.XD Then went with mom and they bought shoes and bed shits. Felt really depressed at that moment for some reason. Something about tutoring next year if i don't get a 3.67.-__- Fuckher.
Then went to eaat. She gave me a $20 and let us buy food. Got icecream and fries. While we were eating, my mom was like "Man, we could've just ate Pho. LMFAO. We were too blind tgo see the pho place.-__- Whatever. The icecream made me feel better. Now i need more surveys from Myspace to entertain myself but there's no more since bulletins expire.): Kay, I'm broke now so time to massage my mom for money. LOL.
Lalalaa.
Who are you dating?
Your mom.(;
What does the last text in your inbox say?
"Goodnight then babee. Try to have fun tomorrow.(;" From last night. LOL
Whats is the stupidest thing youve done in the last 24 hour?
LOL who knows.xD
Will this weekend be a good One?
Average weekend. Haha.
Are you texting anyone?
Friends.
What was the first thing you did when you woke up today?
Check the time?-___-
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
JammyYu? Never.(:
Was your last kiss a mistake?
I don't know. Maybe?
Who was your last kiss?
Don't worry about it.(:
When did it take place?
(:
What were you doing at midnight last night?
Up and doing...something. LOL
Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
Depends who.
Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?
Okay.
Who'd you last talk to on the phone?
My mom, a few seconds ago.XD
Do you want to know the date of your death?
Yes and no..
Name something you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
A small dick. No JK. Hmm, lying?
Does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
I don't remember who. Maybe my mom?
Who was it?
My mom?
Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
I don't know. LOL
How's your love life?
Don't ask.-__-
Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
Both?
How do you feel about girls smoking?
I don't care. Their body, their problem.
Finish the sentence: The last person I kissed ...?
is a sweetheart.
What made you sad today?
Your face and the fact that i had to get up so early.):
Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait?
Sure.
Are you currently logged into Facebook?
Mhmm.
Is there anyone you don't want to lose?
Yes.
How often do you listen to music?
Too much.
Are you in a good mood?
Not really.
Your mom.(;
What does the last text in your inbox say?
"Goodnight then babee. Try to have fun tomorrow.(;" From last night. LOL
Whats is the stupidest thing youve done in the last 24 hour?
LOL who knows.xD
Will this weekend be a good One?
Average weekend. Haha.
Are you texting anyone?
Friends.
What was the first thing you did when you woke up today?
Check the time?-___-
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
JammyYu? Never.(:
Was your last kiss a mistake?
I don't know. Maybe?
Who was your last kiss?
Don't worry about it.(:
When did it take place?
(:
What were you doing at midnight last night?
Up and doing...something. LOL
Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
Depends who.
Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?
Okay.
Who'd you last talk to on the phone?
My mom, a few seconds ago.XD
Do you want to know the date of your death?
Yes and no..
Name something you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
A small dick. No JK. Hmm, lying?
Does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
I don't remember who. Maybe my mom?
Who was it?
My mom?
Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
I don't know. LOL
How's your love life?
Don't ask.-__-
Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
Both?
How do you feel about girls smoking?
I don't care. Their body, their problem.
Finish the sentence: The last person I kissed ...?
is a sweetheart.
What made you sad today?
Your face and the fact that i had to get up so early.):
Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait?
Sure.
Are you currently logged into Facebook?
Mhmm.
Is there anyone you don't want to lose?
Yes.
How often do you listen to music?
Too much.
Are you in a good mood?
Not really.
I seriously have nothing better to do.
Are you unsure about your feelings for someone?
I am, actually.-_-
Do you use hearts like this <3 a lot? LMFAO YES<3 What were you doing at 2 in the morning last night? Up doing..something. LOL. When was the last time you cried really hard? A few days ago. Do you always answer your phone? Barely. LOL. It's always on vibrate. What were you doing at 7:00 this morning? Sleeping.(: Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say? "Uh..hello..?" Are you a jealous person? Not usually. Last time you were really happy? Either Tuesday night or a few Saturday nights ago.(: Name something you dislike about the day you're having? I'm in physical pain.-__- How is your day and why? Oh shut up. Who else is in the room with you? No one. Does the person you have feelings for know? Yes and no. I'm confused on who i have feelings for. Have you smiled recently? Yessir.(: How do you feel about best friends talking to your exes? I don't care at all. No offense, but I have better things to deal with. Did your ex tell you happy birthday this year? It's not my birthday yet. Have you ever been beside someone while they were throwing up? Maybe. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a guy? Ahaha, i don't know. Whats the worst emotional pain you've ever been in? Shut up. Do you laugh a lot? I laugh at everything.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
No. Need to geet up early for shopping with mom and her friends.
Have you ever cried cause you were so mad?
Of course.
How important is trust?
Pretty important.
Would you ever cheat on anyone?
Of course not
Have you kissed anyone that starts with s, b, l, d, c, a, j, k,m, h, p?
Mmm.
Does anybody hate you?
Who cares.(:
Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
For the worse or better? I guess. Maybe.
What is on your wrists right now?
One hair tie.
Do you prefer showers in the morning or at night?
It doesn't matter.
Do you care if people talk crap about you?
Eh, it doesn't bother me too much.
Who's the last person you talked to about sex?
LMFAO. I don't even remember. So imma guess its the last person i talked to.
If you took a drug test right now, would you pass?
Of course!
Who was the last person to be on a bed with you?
Bryan and his cousin, Paul.
Who did you say 'I love you' to last?
Uh. My lowgong?<3
Is there anyone that's in love with you right now?
Who knows.
How many people in your life have you kissed?
Depending on which way. Cheek? I don't even remember. LOL.
Do you use birth control pills?
LOL, i wouldn't need them.xD
Do you usually have a lot of drama in your life?
Nah.
How old is the last person you kissed on the lips?
Uh, i think he's 15.
Are you 100% over the last person you kissed?
No possible way.
Have any of your friends ever overdosed?
One..
Have you told anyone that you missed them lately?
I think so.
How many times have you been truly in love?
Never.
I am, actually.-_-
Do you use hearts like this <3 a lot? LMFAO YES<3 What were you doing at 2 in the morning last night? Up doing..something. LOL. When was the last time you cried really hard? A few days ago. Do you always answer your phone? Barely. LOL. It's always on vibrate. What were you doing at 7:00 this morning? Sleeping.(: Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say? "Uh..hello..?" Are you a jealous person? Not usually. Last time you were really happy? Either Tuesday night or a few Saturday nights ago.(: Name something you dislike about the day you're having? I'm in physical pain.-__- How is your day and why? Oh shut up. Who else is in the room with you? No one. Does the person you have feelings for know? Yes and no. I'm confused on who i have feelings for. Have you smiled recently? Yessir.(: How do you feel about best friends talking to your exes? I don't care at all. No offense, but I have better things to deal with. Did your ex tell you happy birthday this year? It's not my birthday yet. Have you ever been beside someone while they were throwing up? Maybe. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a guy? Ahaha, i don't know. Whats the worst emotional pain you've ever been in? Shut up. Do you laugh a lot? I laugh at everything.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
No. Need to geet up early for shopping with mom and her friends.
Have you ever cried cause you were so mad?
Of course.
How important is trust?
Pretty important.
Would you ever cheat on anyone?
Of course not
Have you kissed anyone that starts with s, b, l, d, c, a, j, k,m, h, p?
Mmm.
Does anybody hate you?
Who cares.(:
Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
For the worse or better? I guess. Maybe.
What is on your wrists right now?
One hair tie.
Do you prefer showers in the morning or at night?
It doesn't matter.
Do you care if people talk crap about you?
Eh, it doesn't bother me too much.
Who's the last person you talked to about sex?
LMFAO. I don't even remember. So imma guess its the last person i talked to.
If you took a drug test right now, would you pass?
Of course!
Who was the last person to be on a bed with you?
Bryan and his cousin, Paul.
Who did you say 'I love you' to last?
Uh. My lowgong?<3
Is there anyone that's in love with you right now?
Who knows.
How many people in your life have you kissed?
Depending on which way. Cheek? I don't even remember. LOL.
Do you use birth control pills?
LOL, i wouldn't need them.xD
Do you usually have a lot of drama in your life?
Nah.
How old is the last person you kissed on the lips?
Uh, i think he's 15.
Are you 100% over the last person you kissed?
No possible way.
Have any of your friends ever overdosed?
One..
Have you told anyone that you missed them lately?
I think so.
How many times have you been truly in love?
Never.
Lalalaa.
Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
Haha, no.
Can you call your ex without it being awkward?
Uh..
Do you still talk to the person you last kissed on the lips?
I guess.
Will you be in a relationship one month from now?
Probably not unless i find some random guy in China to date for a week or two.xD
Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
Headaches. Too much shit on my mind.
Will you regret your next kiss?
I hope not.
When people call or text you, does that drive you crazy?
Why would it?
Do you ever go without makeup or doing your hair?
Always.
Have you ever kissed anyone named Rachel?
I don't even know anyone named Rachel. LOL.
Name something funny that happened this week.
I got a really bad bruise thing from Bryan's bed.):
Do you have family problems?
Doesn't everyone?
Did you sleep alone last night?
Mhmm.
What are you listening to?
Chase Coy- I need this more than you know.
Did you drink alcohol this week? Did you get drunk?
Nope.
Have you had any beer this week?
No.
When was the last time you saw your mom?
Right at first.
You're rude, aren't you?
I don't think so.
Say you were given an alcohol test right now, would you pass?
Yep.
Do you have a best friend to lean on?
Sure.
When did you last cry?
A few days ago?
Whats on your mind?
A lot of things.-__-
Last person to text you?
Bryan.(:
What were you doing this morning around seven A.M.?
SLEEEPING. :D
Do you think somebody likes you?
Maybe.
Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Sure.
Is there someone you used to talk to every single day that you don't talk to anymore?
Of course.
How did you feel when you woke up?
Tired.
What does your hair look like?
Stupid.
Name something great that happened Saturday?
What happened Saturday.. Nothing.
Have you ever swam while it was raining?
I don't think so.
Do you take your time opening envelopes or do you just rip it open?
I barely get mail. But rip. LOL
Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
I drink their stuff. They don't care.xD
Are you an emotional person?
Yeah.
How's your heart lately?
It's okay.
What do you want right now?
Food.
Have you ever gone nude/streaked in public?
Nope.
Who hugged you last?
Uh, Bryan.
What is your relationship status?
Singlee.(:
Who was the last person to come to your house?
Don't remember. Mimi and Cary?
What do you think of love?
It's complicated.
Where did you last drive to?
I don't drive.XD
Describe your bestfriend?
No thanks.
Have you ever been so drunk that you blacked out?
I've never been drunk.:D
Haha, no.
Can you call your ex without it being awkward?
Uh..
Do you still talk to the person you last kissed on the lips?
I guess.
Will you be in a relationship one month from now?
Probably not unless i find some random guy in China to date for a week or two.xD
Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
Headaches. Too much shit on my mind.
Will you regret your next kiss?
I hope not.
When people call or text you, does that drive you crazy?
Why would it?
Do you ever go without makeup or doing your hair?
Always.
Have you ever kissed anyone named Rachel?
I don't even know anyone named Rachel. LOL.
Name something funny that happened this week.
I got a really bad bruise thing from Bryan's bed.):
Do you have family problems?
Doesn't everyone?
Did you sleep alone last night?
Mhmm.
What are you listening to?
Chase Coy- I need this more than you know.
Did you drink alcohol this week? Did you get drunk?
Nope.
Have you had any beer this week?
No.
When was the last time you saw your mom?
Right at first.
You're rude, aren't you?
I don't think so.
Say you were given an alcohol test right now, would you pass?
Yep.
Do you have a best friend to lean on?
Sure.
When did you last cry?
A few days ago?
Whats on your mind?
A lot of things.-__-
Last person to text you?
Bryan.(:
What were you doing this morning around seven A.M.?
SLEEEPING. :D
Do you think somebody likes you?
Maybe.
Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Sure.
Is there someone you used to talk to every single day that you don't talk to anymore?
Of course.
How did you feel when you woke up?
Tired.
What does your hair look like?
Stupid.
Name something great that happened Saturday?
What happened Saturday.. Nothing.
Have you ever swam while it was raining?
I don't think so.
Do you take your time opening envelopes or do you just rip it open?
I barely get mail. But rip. LOL
Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
I drink their stuff. They don't care.xD
Are you an emotional person?
Yeah.
How's your heart lately?
It's okay.
What do you want right now?
Food.
Have you ever gone nude/streaked in public?
Nope.
Who hugged you last?
Uh, Bryan.
What is your relationship status?
Singlee.(:
Who was the last person to come to your house?
Don't remember. Mimi and Cary?
What do you think of love?
It's complicated.
Where did you last drive to?
I don't drive.XD
Describe your bestfriend?
No thanks.
Have you ever been so drunk that you blacked out?
I've never been drunk.:D
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I am the rumour on everyone's lips.
And i am the curse on your boyfriend's hips.
We say we have our best friends. But we stab them in the back.
We try to show some love, but its a skill that we lack.
We say we have our best friends. But we stab them in the back.
We try to show some love, but its a skill that we lack.
I want a girl friend.
One that i can be bitchy and girly to and complain about my boy problems to. I don't really enjoy talking about my guy problems with guys or anything. I don't know. But it's just so freaking confusing. The problem with having a girl friend is that if she isn't really cool, i'd drop her just like that. I don't like girls.
Why the hell do i have to be so different?
Why the hell do i have to be so different?
Todaay..
Spent the day with family today. Went to the Chinese restaurant we used to go to ALL the time. The people said i looked COMPLETELY different. Haha. The went to Richmond and went around shopping. My stomach hurted after i tried on the sexy tutu. Didn't get it. Haha, went to another shop and bought a scarf that has skulls on it. And it's pink. Sexy.(: Then went to my mom's friends house. Hella bored. Texted Bryaaan.(:
'Bryan' still is hella big and hurts like a bitch. It's STILL swollen and it hurts when i touch it, even hella softly. Why do you have to be so big?): Bryan's bed is evil. LOL. Plus my bugbites are really irritating. All worth it though.xD
'Bryan' still is hella big and hurts like a bitch. It's STILL swollen and it hurts when i touch it, even hella softly. Why do you have to be so big?): Bryan's bed is evil. LOL. Plus my bugbites are really irritating. All worth it though.xD
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
'Dat emo one'
Ohyeah. I remember yesterday, i was talking to KevinParma with Bryan's phone. Saying that 'Jessica' said that 'she' loved him. And he's like "Which one?" and i wrote "The hot one." and he's like "Last name?" and we finally wrote "Ling." and he's like "Oh dat emo one?"-______________- You know what? When people say Kevin, i don't ask "Oh, the fat one?" Fuck youu.-__-
3.5
YEEEEUUUUH. Best gpa so far.(: So operation kissup just got a bit easier.(: But Ramirez's C+ in the beginning pulled my final grade to a B.-__-
I remember in the beginning of the year. On my first report card, i got like a 2.5 and now i have it so much higher.(: I'm proud.
I remember in the beginning of the year. On my first report card, i got like a 2.5 and now i have it so much higher.(: I'm proud.
Lalalaa.
Is anyone ignoring you right now?
I don't think so. Either that, or i don't care enough to notice.
Have you ever kissed someone named Paul or Luke?
LOL, that's specific. Nope.
Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
Yeah.
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
My sister, no.
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Bryan Martinez, of course not.
Last song you listened to?
The Killers- Mr.Brightside
Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Not yet.xD
Do you like to cuddle?
Yes.
Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
Yeah.
What’s more attractive: when someone kisses you out of nowhere, or when you know its coming?
Depends.
At your best friend’s house, do you know your way around the kitchen?
LOL, yeah. Hella messy with expired hand sanitizer.(;
Do you find smoking unattractive?
Not at all.
Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
I do, actually. But idk cause I'm not so sure he's the only one i have feelings for.-__-
Do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
I definitely did.
Who is the last person to send you a message on Myspace?
I dunno.
Let’s test your memory, what were you wearing during your last kiss?
Uh, i wouldn't know.xD
What hoodie did you wear last?
I don't remember.
Do you know anyone who drinks a lot?
Hmm.
Do you know the last person you were in a car with other than family?
LOL, of course!
Have you ever liked someone older than you?
All the time.
When was the last time you talked to your grandmother?
A few minutes ago.
Last time you were on the phone? With who?
My sister, not too long ago.
Did you have a good day yesterday?
LOL, it was a really good day/night. Forsure.(: Bryan has really cool friends/cousins.xD
Who was the last person that left you a comment?
Hmm. Jose? Haha.
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
On the contrary.(:
Do you like to wear sweatpants?
Sure.(:
Have you ever been dumped?
Yes.
Do you plan on getting drunk in the near future?
I don't plan when i get drunk. And probably not.
Do you drive?
Not yet.
What was the last thing you drank?
Green tea.
Have you ever played a sport professionally?
Nope.
Is there anybody who truly disgusts you?
I guess..
When was the last time you threw up?
Loong ago.
Have you ever phoned a sex hot line?
LOL no.
Will you be sleeping alone tonight?
Alone as in alone in bed? LOL, yeah.
Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
Closed. It's uncomfortable when its open.
When angry, do you get loud or quiet?
Quiet..
You have taken 15 shots of straight vodka in a row what happens?
I pass out? I don't know..
Next time you will kiss someone?
Who knows.
Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about your feelings?
It’s been tough to figure out.
What are your plans for tonight?
Nothing really.
What do you currently hear right now?
The tv? And Liar(takes one to know one) -Taking Back Sunday
This time last year can you remember who you liked?
I do, actually.
What are you looking forward to right now?
Not really. I don't know.
How old do you look?
People say 15 or 16. Haha.
Do you love anyone?
Hmm. Do i?
Anything risky happen last night?
Um, I guess. Kinda?
Are you happy right now?
Haha, i guess? I'm not sure.
What were you doing at midnight last night?
Juust got home from Bryan's party.(:
You kissed someone last night didn’t you?
Ahaha, nope.xD
Have you held hands with anyone in the past 2 days?
Maybe.
How do you feel about your hair right now?
It’s shit and I'm gonna leave it that way.
Would you change for a person you care about?
I don't know.
Has anyone ever told you, you were amazing?
Yes.
Who were you dating this time last year?
No one.(:
Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
Skyline preschool, bruh.(:
Were you single on your last birthday?
Yessir.(:
Who was the first person you talked to this morning?
My grandma.
What is your middle name?
Don't have one.
What did you last buy?
Lotion and a shirt. LOL.
I don't think so. Either that, or i don't care enough to notice.
Have you ever kissed someone named Paul or Luke?
LOL, that's specific. Nope.
Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
Yeah.
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
My sister, no.
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Bryan Martinez, of course not.
Last song you listened to?
The Killers- Mr.Brightside
Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Not yet.xD
Do you like to cuddle?
Yes.
Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
Yeah.
What’s more attractive: when someone kisses you out of nowhere, or when you know its coming?
Depends.
At your best friend’s house, do you know your way around the kitchen?
LOL, yeah. Hella messy with expired hand sanitizer.(;
Do you find smoking unattractive?
Not at all.
Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
I do, actually. But idk cause I'm not so sure he's the only one i have feelings for.-__-
Do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
I definitely did.
Who is the last person to send you a message on Myspace?
I dunno.
Let’s test your memory, what were you wearing during your last kiss?
Uh, i wouldn't know.xD
What hoodie did you wear last?
I don't remember.
Do you know anyone who drinks a lot?
Hmm.
Do you know the last person you were in a car with other than family?
LOL, of course!
Have you ever liked someone older than you?
All the time.
When was the last time you talked to your grandmother?
A few minutes ago.
Last time you were on the phone? With who?
My sister, not too long ago.
Did you have a good day yesterday?
LOL, it was a really good day/night. Forsure.(: Bryan has really cool friends/cousins.xD
Who was the last person that left you a comment?
Hmm. Jose? Haha.
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
On the contrary.(:
Do you like to wear sweatpants?
Sure.(:
Have you ever been dumped?
Yes.
Do you plan on getting drunk in the near future?
I don't plan when i get drunk. And probably not.
Do you drive?
Not yet.
What was the last thing you drank?
Green tea.
Have you ever played a sport professionally?
Nope.
Is there anybody who truly disgusts you?
I guess..
When was the last time you threw up?
Loong ago.
Have you ever phoned a sex hot line?
LOL no.
Will you be sleeping alone tonight?
Alone as in alone in bed? LOL, yeah.
Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
Closed. It's uncomfortable when its open.
When angry, do you get loud or quiet?
Quiet..
You have taken 15 shots of straight vodka in a row what happens?
I pass out? I don't know..
Next time you will kiss someone?
Who knows.
Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about your feelings?
It’s been tough to figure out.
What are your plans for tonight?
Nothing really.
What do you currently hear right now?
The tv? And Liar(takes one to know one) -Taking Back Sunday
This time last year can you remember who you liked?
I do, actually.
What are you looking forward to right now?
Not really. I don't know.
How old do you look?
People say 15 or 16. Haha.
Do you love anyone?
Hmm. Do i?
Anything risky happen last night?
Um, I guess. Kinda?
Are you happy right now?
Haha, i guess? I'm not sure.
What were you doing at midnight last night?
Juust got home from Bryan's party.(:
You kissed someone last night didn’t you?
Ahaha, nope.xD
Have you held hands with anyone in the past 2 days?
Maybe.
How do you feel about your hair right now?
It’s shit and I'm gonna leave it that way.
Would you change for a person you care about?
I don't know.
Has anyone ever told you, you were amazing?
Yes.
Who were you dating this time last year?
No one.(:
Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
Skyline preschool, bruh.(:
Were you single on your last birthday?
Yessir.(:
Who was the first person you talked to this morning?
My grandma.
What is your middle name?
Don't have one.
What did you last buy?
Lotion and a shirt. LOL.
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