Hmm.

Dear baby brother/sister,

I read someone's blog and i got to thinking.. What if you never died? Or..murdered. You never even got a chance. It's heartbreaking when innocent children are killed. I never thought about you before. You know, just some sibling i would've had. But now that i think about it. I want to know you. I'm sure you wouldn't waste your life like me. You deserve to live more than i do. Can we switch places? I would never exist and you would be what? 13 now? I've always wanted a little brother. One i could mess with. One who would get on my nerves and everything. My little sister is fine but I've always wanted a brother. I just have a feeling that you were a boy.(: Even mom thinks so. She would've named you Jacky, if you'd like to know. Such a typical Asian boy name, huh?

Well, i know that we would've been close. You would keep me away from doing things that I'd regret. You would make me talk to you. We would be really close. Unlike now. I'm not close to my family at all. I'm in my own world. But if you were born, would Teresa be born? I don't think they would have 3 children. I'm sorry. It was because of me that you weren't given a chance at life. If i wasn't born, they would have enough money to raise you. You would've actually saw the world. Sorry that the family was so poor. We couldn't afford you. You had your life taken away though. And you were so innocent. So pure. And just like that, you were killed by some doctor who doesn't have sympathy for living things.

I hope you're doing well where ever you are. I know that you would've been beautiful. Very smart. Very charming. You would've been perfect. A real heart breaker. The ladies will never know what hit them. Hopefully, you cherish your gift. Don't use it in the wrong way. Haha. I hope that your afterlife is everything that life isn't. It can be hell sometimes. But you should've be given the chance to hate life yourself. How's afterlife? Is it everything i imagine it to be? No pain. No emotions. No nothing? Must be what bliss feels like right? But you wouldn't know happiness until you faced depression.

Am i right? Well, baby brother. I really wish i could've met you. I'm sorry to say that mom barely mentions you. She doesn't feel the pain. She doesn't know. You know how she is.. You've spent a fair amount of time in her stomach. And dad. He's not doing so well at the moment. But he's not making a change. You never met him but you probably wouldn't like him. He's really lazy and tries to get everything easy. He's smelly and nasty. Just gross and uncomfortable.

Don't ever think you are not loved. I'm sure that both mom and dad wanted a boy. You would've been their favorite, I'm sure. You would've been everyone's favorite. Teresa is mom and dad's favorite. And i don't mind anymore. It just doesn't hurt anymore. You deserve to live. You do. It was fate. Cruel, sick fate. But everything happens for a reason. I do have Teresa and you're somewhere safe. Away from the pain and torture that comes along with this sick world. You deserve the best. You deserve to be happy. And maybe you wouldn't have been. I know for sure i don't fit in with a world like this.

Take care. I really wish i could have met you.

Your bigsister,
JessicaLing(: