You.

Dear You,

It's amazing the way i feel like nothing has changed. It's like we never stopped talking. Like the misunderstanding never happened. And i was so close to getting over you, but then my subconscious didn't let that happen. So i had these dreams that we were okay again. This first time, i woke up and just layed in bed, not wanting to get up. I tried to cry, hoping it would make me feel better, but no tears came. That day consisted of me thinking "What the fuck?" and wondering what went wrong. I told myself i would do it the next day. That night, of course, i had another dream. It didn't hit me so hard when i woke up. I just thought "Damn, if i want things to be okay, i need to talk to him." I didn't talk to you, of course. But i did stumble across that letter you wrote me. I said i would keep it, and i still have it. I teared up reading those lies you wrote. That night, i dreamt of you and something else which isn't relevant right now. LOL. I told myself it was the day.

I was FORSURE going to talk to you. Of course, i stalled until last minute. I tried, i tried for 10 minutes. I couldn't press enter. And i really struggled with what to say. I settled for a "Hi." and asked how your summer was. Yeah, i am so lame. I thought of just writing a longass message to you just in case you didn't want to talk to me, i could still get my point across. But i settled for making a bit of small talk first, then cutting to the point. My heart was pounding so hard, i swear. It was just trying to break through my chest or something. What can i say, you always make me feel like that. I like it.

So yeah, we talked a little bit and you told me you missed my smile. I cried. It was more of a happy cry, but still. Jeez, i missed you so much. More than i even realized until that point. We talked about what happened and it was a whole misunderstanding. Remember, love, i will always want to talk to you. Everything i told you before is the truth, and we're not old yet, are we? I still need to get in trouble with my future husband, then think "Fuck, i miss that boy." I find it amazing how time didn't faze my feelings. Usually, i would drop a boy just like that. But i couldn't let go of you. Not that easily. Sure, the feelings were fading but whenever i saw you, i really had to resist the urge to run into your arms. I missed you a lot, more than i admit to anyone. I told them "I'm okay." with what happened. I honestly just wanted to see you smile. If you are happy, then I'm fine. The point is, all the feelings just came rushing back when i started talking to you. I guess they weren't fading, i just started ignoring them. I'm glad i don't have to anymore.(:

You know who you are.(:

Forever yours,
JessicaLing(: