LMFAO!

Alex- "Not everyone knows that my penis bends to the left. A little bit."
Jack- -"Actually, yeah, i wrote that. I wrote that your penis just bends sideways."
Alex- "It doesn't bend! It just...sits to the left."

Alex- "My best feature is probably my curvy blue penis."
Jack- "DAMMIT. I wrote your perky nipples.

Jack- "If i had one word to describe my breath would be mintyfresh but..
Alex- "I said egregious.."
Jack- "What does that even mean?"
Alex- "Conspicuous?"
Jack- "You can't use words like that! You know i didn't go to college, man."

Alex- "We were a collective group in high school. Rian..Rian was fat as hell.. No justkidding but he was P-H-A-T as hell. Phat as heeeeelll.
Rian- "I was fat.."

"Little do you know, Megan Fox has a penis."

Alex- "I will never ever ever ever read Twilight. And here's why. I am a vampire and they portray us all wrong. Because you can't fall in love with us. Cause rather than making sweet, sweet love to you, i'll fucking eat your throat and drink your blood. And that's all we care about."

Alex- "One thing you wish you had."
Jack- "Herpes."

Alex- "They're on next so better get over there. Get front row."
Girl- "I'm not dressed for front row.."
Alex- "Fuck it. Get fucking naked and get up there. Screw it."
-when she walks away-
Alex- -whispers- "She's such a babe. She's such a babe!"

LMFAO. Oh you guys, be my best friends.<3 Totally made my day.