Too much thoughts.

I feel like i need to rant and this is the only place i can go. I'm feeling really.. i don't know.. lately. And places where i go to make me happy again aren't doing its job. Partly because i know what is going to happen to those places in the future. People are joining OoS and EAG. The two places that i actually enjoy.

And you know what makes me love those places? People from my original life aren't there. I don't have to deal with school drama or anything. No one knows me there and i love it. I always loved being with strangers better than classmates or whatever. But this year, everyone from Balboa is going to know about it and most likely, join it. And i don't like it. At all. I really enjoyed that small little group i had with my class. The one that would keep me smiling hours after class ended. I adored those boys, really. And I'm afraid people i know are going to mess everything up. I know i haven't been there long, but it already made a huge impact on my life.

As for EAG, people came and went. But i was one of the only people who stayed. Then we met some other people and we became a small little group, even though they haven't been there long. It felt comfortable and i liked it. Now, if someone were to, i don't know, come along and take that away from me, i don't know where else i could turn to. This has become a big part of my life and I am committed to it. And everyone knows i can't commit to anything. Being a part of EAG has taught me a lot. And it made me feel good about myself. But now, EAG and OoS are related to each other somehow and if one gets messed up, they both do.

So thanks a lot, future people, for ruining these places for me.

Anywaay, let's talk about another subject I've been stressing over lately. So this year, OoS has theater. Everyone who has gotten close to me knows that i want to be an actress. So immediately, i was like "Yes! Thank you, fate." But there was drumming, which made me unbelievable happy. But they are on different days so i could do both of them at the same time. That sounds awesome, right? What am i so freaked over? Well, taking these classes will have to mean Monday- Thursday will be gone. I'd get home exceptionally late. And i wouldn't be able to see my mom on Monday and Tuesday at all. Some days, i don't see her at all because of things i have to do but i don't know, i don't see her a lot as it is.

Then theres school. I don't know what is in store for me sophomore year, but I'm pretty sure it isn't easy. Having two hours less of homework/study time isn't going to help anything. Then on Saturday, i usually have EAG stuff. So that means I'd only have two days where I'm free. But what if something comes up? I only have 2 days. It seems like too much for me but this is too good of an opportunity to pass up. I've been searching for so long.

However I'm gonna solve this, i will balance school, classes, community service, and my life into everything. I'm just trying to use my time wisely. We are getting older all of the time. And i, for one, feel like I'm growing up way too fast. But i can't hold on to the past or I'll fall behind, and i am not willing to let that happen. I guess i just have to have some faith, even if no one else does.

It feels good to get this off my chest.

Till next time,
JessicaLing(: